The Carousel Never Stops Turning
by HPGREYSFAN2291
Summary: This is my take on how Season 12 is going to go.
1. From the Ashes

**Author's Note: This is my first Grey's story. Everything in parentheses is Meredith's voice-over. I hope you enjoy it. Read and review! :)**

Ch. 1

"From the Ashes"

Ethan Posey was wide awake on the couch in the living room. He couldn't sleep; all he could think about was the fight that he and Sara had last night. It was a stupid fight anyways. Of all things, they argued over him forgetting to pick up party decorations for Jack's, their son's, end of school party the next day. Worse than that, the whole argument spiraled into a "you're never home, you're always at the firehouse" argument. Which, of course he would be, because he's a fireman. With his left hand on his forehead, he stared at the ceiling, looking at the small cracks and bumps. He turned his head towards the window, noticing that the bit of sky was beginning to become lighter. Dawn was approaching. Another day to begin.

He looked over at the small clock he had brought out from their bedroom. It was 5:45 am. The sun would be rising soon, and the kids would be waking up to go to school. He sighed heavily, bringing his hand down to his chest. Immediately, he noticed something gleaming. His wedding ring. He never took it off, not even when he showered. The fight kept on replaying in his mind, all the things that they had said to each other reverberating. As he continued to stare at his ring, he then realized that it was just one fight. He knew he didn't mean what he said, and he also knew that Sara didn't mean what she said. It's just that things were tight. They had money, but not enough of it. Bills had to be paid. Sara's time at school for her Master's was a lot to deal with. But the fight: it was small. Looking at his ring, Ethan knew what he had to do: apologize. Tell Sara that he loved her, that he would always love her. And that no matter what happened, no matter what fights they had, one thing was for sure: they had each other.

 _BOOM!_ The whole apartment shook. _("When tragedy strikes…,)_ A glass figurine that was on the table smashed onto the floor. A scream reverberated through the room, bringing Ethan to full alert. _(…it's as if the whole world freezes.)_ He jerked the blanket off of him and jumped up off the couch. In his underwear, he grabbed his pants and jerked them on. The scream was familiar. _(Time stops.)_ It was his daughter, Amy. He ran across the living room and down the hall to her room. As he grew closer, the hall started to heat up, dramatically. Sweat began to fall from his head. His heart pumped faster as he reached Amy's door, opening it, terror washing over him. _(Your life flashes before your eyes...,)_

For he saw, outside her window, flames growing. They rapidly made their way in through the window, catching upon the curtains.

"Dad! Help!" screamed Amy.

Ethan sprinted over to the bed. Amy began to cough. Ethan reached her bed and scooped her up into his arms. "Let's get your mom and Jack!"

He ran out of the room, just as the flames engulfed the last of the curtains, making their way down to the floor. As Ethan entered his son Jack's room, the heat was no less intense. Stepping in off the threshold, Ethan then yelled, "Jack! Wake up! Let's go!" Groggily, Jack opened his eyes, rubbing them, sitting up and saying, "Daddy? What's wrong?"

"Nothing! Now, let's go!" screamed Ethan.

Jack climbed out of bed, putting on his slippers. He ran over to Ethan, who by then, set down his daughter and grabbed his son's hand. Pushing her, Ethan led Amy out of the door and down the hall. Back in the living room, Ethan knelt down in front of his children.

"Go to the front door and wait. I'll get Mom. Ok?" said Ethan.

Amy and Jack nodded. Ethan stood up and turned back to the hallway. The flames were now out in the hall. Ethan ran, to the first door on the right of the hallway. Stopping at the threshold, his heart nearly stopped. Sara wasn't on the bed or standing nearby. She was sprawled on the floor. _(…and before you know it...,)_

"Sara!" yelled Ethan.

He ran over and knelt down at her side. Picking up her head, he opened an eyelid, seeing that she was unconscious. Laying her head back down, he retreated his hand. Blood was on his fingertips. _(…you are drowning in a pile of ashes…,)_ She was bleeding in the back of her brain. Looking up at the bed, Ethan deduced that she must have been sleeping on the edge of the bed, which she tends to do, and fallen hard when the crash happened.

However, Ethan didn't have much time to stop the bleeding. For more flames were coming in through their bedroom window. _(…unable to see the horizon.)_ Panic flooding him, he stood up and scooped up his wife, grunting loudly in the process. He ran out of the room, noticing the flames at the end of the hall advancing into Jack's room. The heat was unbearable now, as Ethan ran back into the living room.

"What's wrong with Mommy?!" screamed Jack.

"Go! Go to the stairs! Now!" he yelled.

The children did as they were told. When they left, Ethan ran to the coffee table. He had taken out his phone and wallet from his pocket when he got home from the firehouse. So naturally, they were sitting on the coffee table, having taken them out before he took off his pants for the night. Bending low, holding Sara with one arm, he grabbed his phone, placed it in his pocket, and then his wallet. He turned back and noticed the flames advancing the corridor. He ran out the door and down the hall to the stairs, where Amy and Jack were.

"Go! Down the stairs! Fast!" he yelled.

As he reached the door, he heard others shrieking. _(So what do you do…,)_ Running down the stairs, after his children, he saw many run out of the first floor door, screaming bloody murder. On the first floor landing, he peered into the bit of hallway he could before the door closed, seeing flames and smoke everywhere. His eyes widened. Running like mad, he reached the bottom of the stairs, feeling cool night air hit his face. He ran outside, caught his breath, and searched for a place to put his wife for the time being. _(…when you can't see…,)_ Seeing a bench on the other side of the road, he motioned for Amy and Jack to follow and ran across the road. Coming to the bench, he placed Sara down, elevating her head gently, motioning for Amy.

"Hold your mom's head. It's bleeding. Stay here, both of you. I love you." said Ethan.

"Where are you going?" asked Jack.

"To save lives, Jack. To save lives." he said. He kissed them both and ran back across the road. As panicked people filed out of the doors, Ethan pushed past them, saying "Excuse me", until he was in the building again. He climbed the stairs to the first floor and went to see who was left. Meanwhile, outside, the sun broke the horizon, light filling the sky, as sirens could be heard from a far-off distance. _(…the sun on the horizon?)_

_ **Grey's Anatomy_**

" _This way please, Dr. Grey." said the nurse._

" _My kids." uttered Meredith._

" _I'll watch them." said another nurse._

 _As Meredith gave Bailey to the nurse and Zola her hand, she looked back at the first nurse. Steeling herself for what she was about to see, she began to take steps, picking up a rhythm behind the nurse. As she walked, she looked in upon the rooms, seeing the different families in various emotions. Some jubilant, others crying. She never knew what it was like to be on this side. The side of the families, waiting for the news. Suddenly, the nurse stopped and turned around, facing her._

" _You can go in, if you'd like, Dr. Grey."_

 _Meredith breathed in, closing her eyes. Preparing herself, she opened them again, releasing her breath. She turned to the entrance of the patient room, surprised at what she saw. There was Derek, sitting up, head back on the pillow, eyes closed. She walked into the room, ever so softly. Derek opened his eyes, bringing his head level. He smiled his McDreamy smile and uttered, "Meredith."_

" _Derek." she uttered._

 _She smiled, thinking the worst had happened. Immediately, Meredith ran toward Derek, leaning over the rail of the bed, grabbing his face, and kissing him. Derek held her face in his hands, giving her a kiss back. He pulled away slightly, uttering, "I love you, Meredith."_

Meredith startled awake. She looked up and out the window onto the porch, seeing the sunrise over Seattle. Then, a smile grew upon her face, hope igniting itself within her. She threw off the covers, over the back of the couch, and stood up. Running, she ran back to where her and Derek's bedroom is and threw it open, hoping beyond hope. Looking around, listening for the shower, she hoped Derek would be there. But then, reality set back in.

She gazed up at the Post-It and then to the side of the bed that was Derek's. Her hand on the knob, she simply stood there, on the threshold. Thinking of the times that Derek would wrap his arms around her in bed. Thinking of the time when her and Derek talked about their unborn baby. Thinking of her and him being intimate. As memories flashed across her mind, she shut the door and slid down it to the floor. Tears began to flow and turn into sobs. For the next few minutes, Meredith remained like this, wiping her eyes on her sleeve, until a door opened and she quickly sniffed.

Zola walked out of her room, holding her doorknob. "Mama, you okay?"

Meredith smiled. Holding her arms out wide, Zola walked over into Meredith's arms. "Yeah, sweetie. I'm okay."

"I miss daddy." uttered Zola.

"I know, baby. So do I." replied Meredith, hugging Zola tightly and kissing her on the forehead.

 _Beep-beep-beep._ _Beep-beep-beep._ Meredith straightened up. That must be her pager. Holding Zola for a moment longer, she gave her one more quick kiss and began to stand up.

"Wait a second, Zola." she said.

She walked back to the living room. Picking up her pager from her purse hanging on the chair, she turned it over, seeing the 911-ER.

"Zola!" Meredith yelled.

Zola walked into the room and coming to stand next to Meredith. "What, mommy?"

"Go wake your brother for me. Get your clothes on. Mommy has to work, and I'll take you three to the daycare. Ok?" she asked.

"Ok!" Zola replied, running away and back down the hall.

Meredith hurried back to the door to her bedroom, steeled herself, and opened it. Avoiding the bed, she walked over to her dresser and opened it. She grabbed what she needed and turned towards the bathroom. Walking in, she turned around and stared at the bed once more. A tear slowly falling, she wiped it away, not having time, and shut the bathroom door.

The sun continued to rise over the Seattle bay. As it filtered into Meredith's old bedroom, Alex and Jo were in the throes of sex. Alex was on top of Jo, grunting and panting. He slid his hands beneath Jo's shoulders, kissing her lips and her neck. Suddenly, Alex moaned, arched his back, and a second later collapsed upon her. Pulling out of her, he then rolled over onto his side, seeing the smile on Jo's face.

"Wow!" exclaimed Jo.

"Yeah, our best yet." laughed Alex. Jo punched his shoulder playfully, to which Alex simply began to tickle her. As both of them continued laughing, the pagers that were on both side tables began buzzing. Unaware, Alex began kissing Jo once more, his arms under her shoulders, her arms over his and behind his head. The buzzing continued, and this time, both heads turned in opposite directions.

"Ughhh! No!" exclaimed Alex.

He rolled off of Jo and reached for his pager. Turning it over, he soon saw the 911-ER on the interface.

"Crap!" he yelled, swinging the covers off and his legs over the bed. He grabbed his underwear, put them on, and soon searched for his pants. Jo simply moaned and climbed out of bed. Soon, both were dressed and running down the stairs.

At Grey-Sloan Memorial, Meredith strutted down the hallway, trying to get her watch on. As she reached the turn to the nurses' station, she caught up with Maggie, who was holding onto a patients' chart in her hand.

"Hey." said Maggie.

The strap of Meredith's watch finally fastened, she straightened the watch so the clock face was up. She looked up at Maggie and said, "Hey."

"Get the page?" asked Maggie.

"Yeah, early this morning. What happened?" Meredith replied.

"Not sure. I had an early surgery this morning, and I just got out. Aortic aneurysm repair. Just did the post-op. That's when I got the page." explained Maggie.

They reached the nurses' station. As Maggie handed the chart to one of the nurses', Meredith saw April standing on the other side, writing notes into a chart. "April! What's going on downstairs?!"

Looking up from the chart, pen still in hand, April replied, "A gas main blew in an apartment. Some casualties. Many injured. One missing."

Meredith and Maggie looked at each other for a few seconds. Then, they were off to the elevators. While April finished up her notes in the chart, Jackson came around the corner, chart by his side. April looked up and then looked back down, afraid he might see her staring. _But wait_ , she thought. Isn't that the whole point? She slowly lifted her head back up, seeing Jackson hand off the chart to a nurse.

"Get Mr. Dean ready for discharge. We're going to need all the beds we can get." said Jackson.

Once the chart left his hand, he immediately turned around to go downstairs. But then, he caught April's gaze. They stared at each other for what felt like, to him, an eternity. While Jackson had on a stern look, still angry about their conversation, April formed a smile, hoping that that would be it for a conversation. But instead, Jackson turned his head away from April, shaking it, and headed off to the elevator to head down to the ER. Once Jackson was gone, the smile faded from April's face. A tear fell down, and she returned to the chart below her.

* * *

"Sara Posey, female, 34, blunt head trauma. Found lying unconscious on a bench outside the apartment with her kids. BP: 130/90." exclaimed the paramedic as the gurney carrying Sara was wheeled out of the ambulance.

Amelia stood by the ambulance, taking in the information by the paramedic. Once the gurney was on solid ground, she grabbed hold of the side and yelled, "Let's go!"

As the gurney was rolled away, Amy and Jack stepped out of the ambulance. Both of them were scared, Jack holding onto Amy, unsure of what to do. When the paramedic closed the doors, both of them stepped out of the way, startled by the loud slam of the doors. Running to them, Jo knelt down and asked Amy, "Are you guys hurt? Where are your parents?"

"We're fine. But that was our mom they just wheeled away." said Amy.

"The lady on the gurney?" asked Jo.

Both children nodded. Jo stood up and got behind both kids. She nudged them forward, and they began to start walking towards the entrance to the ER. "Let's go to the waiting room for awhile. Wait for the doctors." replied Jo, bending down low so the children could hear her.

Back at the ambulances, Bailey, April, and Jackson opened up another set of red doors. Immediately, another paramedic with a gurney rushed out. "Aaron Pike, male, 25. Third degree burns over neck and chest. Abdominal injuries apparent. BP: 120/80."

"Wher… where am I? What happened?" asked Aaron.

"Mr. Pike, you're at the hospital. There was an explosion. We're going to take care of you now, ok?" said Miranda.

"Where's Jaime? Have you seen him?" he asked.

"I haven't. But we need to take care of you now." Bailey replied as they wheeled the gurney into the ER.

As the doors closed to the ambulance, another one was arriving. When it finished backing up, Meredith and Maggie opened the doors. The paramedics rushed out with a man who had a piece of glass stuck in his chest, unconscious.

"Ethan Posey, male, 35. Found lying in rubble in one of the apartments. Third degree burns on parts of his face , trauma to his chest, and abdominal injuries. Witness outside said he went back in to help people after saving his wife and kids."

As Meredith and Maggie began to wheel him away from the ambulance, he began to wake up. Opening his eyes, Ethan began to look around, searching for something. He lifted his arm and felt around his body, looking to see what it was that was bothering him. Looking down at him, Meredith noticed that his hand was too close to the glass in his chest. She let go of one of the sides of the gurney, grabbing Ethan's hand.

"You have a piece of glass stuck in your chest, Mr. Posey. You also have some abdominal injuries. We're going to take care of you, ok? You're going to be fine. Just relax." said Meredith, gripping his hand tight.

As Ethan's eyes settled upon Meredith's face, they grew ever bigger. Immediately, he tightened his grip around Meredith's hand, as if never wanting to let go again. He brought it down close to him again.

"Sara," he said faintly, "I thought I'd never see you again. I'm so sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. You scared me when I saw you on the floor."

Meredith looked quizzically at him. What was he saying? Who's Sara? Before Meredith could ask anything further, however, Ethan began to lose consciousness, his grip beginning to loosen.

"Mr. Posey! Mr. Posey, stay with me!," yelled Meredith, gripping his hand tighter. Feeling the grip, Ethan opened his eyes but ever so slightly. He gazed at Meredith and smiled, uttering "Ok".

Not letting go of her hand, Meredith looked up to Maggie, who was sporting the same quizzical look. "Let's hurry. I don't know how much longer he can hold on for." uttered Meredith softly.

* * *

"Say 'Ahhh!'" Alex said, pointing the depressor and light down Amy's throat.

While Alex finished his exam on Amy, Jo was flashing her light across Jack's eyes. All around them, people chatted quietly about what happened. Some were crying; others in shock over how fast it happened; and still many others were simply waiting for news about their loved ones. When Jo finished perusing Jack's throat, she placed the light into her pocket and stared at the two children.

"Do you guys know how this happened, the explosion?" she asked.

Amy's hands rested in her lap. Jack simply looked at her, wanting her to be the one to speak up. She looked up at Alex and Jo, one with a concerned look and the other with his arms crossed, staring down. She shifted up the bed a little, Jack following suit. Letting out a sight, she uttered, "We were asleep. Then, I heard a loud noise, and when I woke up, there was fire coming through my window. I screamed for my dad, and he came in and grabbed me. We went to get Jack and then my dad left us by the front door. He went back after that to get our mom."

"How did your mom end up on the bench?" asked Alex.

"My dad took us outside. He laid her down on the bench and told us to stay with her." Amy replied.

"Where'd your dad go?" Jo then asked.

"Back inside the building. He said he was going to 'save lives', or something." she said.

Alex brought his hands down and placed them in his pocket. Shifting his feet, he asked, "What are your parents' names?"

"Ethan and Sara Posey." uttered Amy.

It was like something hard had just hit Alex in the gut. He looked over at Jo, who now had a very worried look upon her face. For indeed, the two people that Amy had just named were not in great shape. Alex tried to keep his face from going dark, but it was to no avail. Picking up on this exchange, Amy asked, "What happened to my mom and dad?"

Through the radiologists' window, Ethan laid still upon the machine. The shard of glass protruding from his chest, he slid back into the cavernous inside of the CT machine. On the other side of the window, Meredith and Maggie waited for the scans to come up. Maggie sat up on the edge of the chair, elbows on the desk, hands in fists by her mouth. She watched Ethan through the window, every now and then glancing down towards the monitor, holding her breath. Meredith, however, leaned back into the chair, arms upon the armrests. While she stared at the screen, waiting for images to appear, she couldn't help but go back to what Ethan had said to her. Who was Sara? What was he sorry about? Why say it to her?

By this time, Ethan had stopped inside the machine, scan now being taken. Unable to stand it, Maggie heaved a sigh and sat back in the chair. One arm leaning over the armrest, she ever so subtly turned her gaze towards Meredith.

Quickly looking back to the screen, she then uttered, "You okay?"

Startled, Meredith pulled out of her hard gaze. She shook her head and turned to Maggie, who had on a mild concerned look. Meredith gazed back beyond the screen, looking directly into the window at Ethan.

"I just-I was thinking about what Ethan said to me earlier. How strange was that? I mean, what happened to make him say that?" asked Meredith.

Maggie shifted in her seat. She had heard what Ethan said to Meredith, and she wasn't going to lie about it being strange. But what was even stranger was the fact that Meredith just jumped into telling her what was wrong. Of course, she had not that long ago spilled to Meredith personal details about her parents' break-up. But she didn't really expect Meredith to reciprocate. Yes, they had worked themselves up to friends, but she wasn't sure still about this. It was, on the whole, a surprise, and therefore, an immediate reply would seem hasty.

Maggie leaned back up to the edge of her seat, wondering how much longer it would be. As both her and Meredith stared at the screen and window, a knowing silence grew. It was as if Maggie didn't have to say anything. Meredith simply knew. After a few minutes, Maggie turned her head to speak but was cut off when Alex and Jo came in.

"How's the dad?" asked Alex, coming to stand behind Meredith.

"Right now he's fine, but the scans haven't come up." Meredith replied. When the word "dad" registered in her mind, Meredith then turned around in her seat with a quizzical look on her face. "Dad?" she uttered.

"Yeah. We just got finished examining the two kids. The older one, the daughter, said that he and his wife, Sara, were their parents." he explained.

At this, Meredith and Maggie looked at each other. They then turned back to the monitor, wishing the scans would hurry up. Finally, they did. Both of them leaned in, perusing at the monitors. The more they looked, the grimmer their faces became.

"Damn. It's right near the pericardium. This isn't going to be easy." she said, sighing and leaning back into the chair.

"Yeah, and his abdomen isn't any better. Look at that bleeding. It's going to be a mess." uttered Meredith.

"You guys getting him to the OR right away?" asked Jo.

"We have to, or he'll die," said Meredith, leaning forward and pressing the microphone with her index finger. "How're you doing in there, Mr. Posey?"

"I-I'm doing…" Ethan started. Then, he went unconscious. Immediately, the alarm on the vitals monitor went off. Chills went down Meredith's spine as she pushed herself away from the desk, yelling, "Get the crash cart! Now!"

She ran out of the room and into the other one, pushing the "Code Blue" button on the wall and then running to the side of the machine, pushing the out button. On her heels ran Maggie to the other side of the machine. Turning to face Jo, she then said, "Call the OR now. Tell them we're coming up."

Jo nodded and ran out of the room. As soon as she left, Alex came in with the gurney, along with the code blue team with the crash cart. As soon as Ethan was out, Meredith pulled away the headrest, while Maggie began CPR. Meredith called for the paddles, making sure that they were away from the shard of glass. After the shock, Meredith shot her head up to look at the monitor, panic written on her face.

* * *

Amelia stood over Sara's brain, with the Bovie in her hand. As she cauterized the bleeder, she looked up from the incision to the intern standing next to her.

"Suction please." she said.

The intern, Dr. DeLuca, stepped forward and brought the suction down to the incision site. As he pulled it away, Amelia looked down and then at the scans on the other side of the OR. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Almost finished." she uttered.

Looking back down, she perused the open brain once more, making sure that there were no more bleeders to be seen. And then, the door to the OR opened, with Owen walking in, a white mask held over his mouth and nose. A serious look crossed his face as he looked down to see Sara unconscious on the table. As tears began to well up in his eye, Amelia lifted her eyes for a brief moment to see who it was that came in.

"What?" she said through her mask, going back now to the surgery.

Hearing her voice, Owen shook his head and back into reality. He gazed up to Amelia and said, "How-How it's going in here?"

"She had a massive brain bleed from where she fell in the fire. I didn't think I'd be able to be control it. Then we had a scare with her vitals, but all in all, Sara's going to be just fine. I'm almost finished here anyways." explained Amelia.

Owen shifted his feet slightly. "And you? How are you?"

Amelia sighed. She stopped what she was doing and looked up at him, with eyes of a very annoyed expression behind her mask. "I'm in surgery, Owen. I'm trying to save this woman's life. Now is not the time to ask me how I am doing. Besides, I'm getting really tired of people asking me that. Now, will you please leave so I can finish?" she asked.

They both stared at each other for a moment longer. Finally, Amelia looked back down, muttered for suction, and continued to repair the bleed in Sara's brain. Meanwhile, Owen simply stood, sad eyes upon the woman who he now called his girlfriend. It had been over a year since Derek's death, and a month since that night. Seeing that she wasn't going to look back up, he then turned back around and shuffled back to the door. Opening it, he walked out, and as it was closing, Amelia looked up for another brief moment to watch the door close all the way.

Ethan laid upon the OR table, an intubation tube down his throat. As nurses rushed around and the anesthesiologist monitored his vitals, Meredith stood over his abdomen repairing the bleeding that was evident upon his scans. Maggie, meanwhile, stood up above at Ethan's chest, cutting around the piece of glass, seeing where it had exactly penetrated.

"Damn. The glass is a lot closer to the pericardium than I thought. It could pierce it at any moment." said Maggie through her mask.

Meredith pulled a part of a suture she was doing up. She continued this back-and-forth sewing, calling for suction every now and then. After a few minutes, she then looked up to Maggie and asked, "Need help?"

"Yeah. It's going to be difficult pulling this shard of glass out. You almost done?" she asked.

Meredith pulled on the last suture. Cutting the thread, she smiled at her work and handed off the surgical scissors to the scrub nurse. She examined the area to make sure everything was good, that there was no more bleeding in the abdomen. With the sutures holding, Meredith called for suction one last time. She examined the incision once more and saw that everything was clear. With that, she began to close Ethan's abdomen.

"I'm finished," said Meredith, cutting the last suture on Ethan's incision.

She then moved up to the opposite side of where Maggie stood. Looking down, she could see where the tip of shard was just poking the pericardium. It was a time bomb for sure, she thought. Every move had to count, be precise. No room for error.

"Okay. I'm going to slowly pull out the shard, and as I do, put as much gauze around the pericardium as much as possible. Let's keep the bleeding to a minimum." explained Maggie.

Meredith nodded her head. She turned to the side and held out her hands. At once, gauze was placed in her hands, with more on standby. As Meredith turned back to the table, ready and waiting, Maggie steeled herself and grasped the tip of the shard. She gave a small tug on it, to see how loose it really was. Meredith brought her hands down and placed the gauze around the shard.

"Ready?" asked Maggie, staring at Meredith through the top of her mask.

"Yep, ready." replied Meredith.

Maggie gazed back down at Ethan's chest and began to pull the shard out. Meredith packed more gauze into the incision, stopping the bleeding that was there. But as the tip of the shard was lifted up from its resting place, the alarm on the vitals monitor sounded.

"Crap! What happened?!" exclaimed Maggie.

She quickly discarded the shard into the metal container the scrub nurse held out. Calling out for suction, she began feeling around inside for a tear. Meredith packed more gauze around the incision, hoping that the blood could be controlled. After searching for a few seconds, Maggie's hand stopped, her fingers moving where the shard had touched the pericardium.

"Ughh! The shard nicked the pericardium. Someone get a suture ready, please!" yelled Maggie.

A nurse from somewhere beside her handed her the suture. But Maggie simply grabbed it without looking away, hurrying before Ethan flatlined. As Meredith packed more gauze in to give Maggie more visibility, she couldn't help but look over the drape and see Ethan's face, intubation tube sticking out. She then turned her gaze to the monitor, calling out that his blood pressure was rising. Meredith watched as Maggie readied the suture and then the sound of the flatline filled her ears.

* * *

Night had now fallen. Streetlights were coming on around Seattle. People were making their way home from work. The ER of Grey-Sloan Memorial was beginning to calm down. April stood at the front desk overlooking the near empty beds. As the phone rang and the nurse at the desk answered it, April looked back down to the chart of Aaron Pike. She continued to make post-op notes, nodding off every now and then, thinking about the hectic surgery and day it had been. She tucked her arm up under her chin, trying to keep her head from falling on the counter. And then, she heard a voice enter the ER.

"I'm exhausted. Want to go Joe's and get a drink, man?" asked Jackson.

Jackson turned to the person who was on his right, walking along him. It was Alex. Like Jackson, he was exhausted too. Surgery after surgery, standing around and waiting with kids he didn't know, a drink wasn't what he wanted at the moment. Gripping the strap of his bag, he turned his head and replied, "Nah man, I'm just gonna head home to Jo. See ya later?"

"Yeah." uttered Jackson.

Alex sped up and walked out of the hospital. Jackson slowly made his way to the door, dragging his feet, head somewhat drooping. From the moment he walked in, April had fixed her gaze on her husband. A sympathetic look on her, she stepped out from the counter and stood where Jackson could see her.

"Jackson?" asked April.

Instinctively, Jackson lifted his head. Already tired, he gazed upon April with little enthusiasm. He didn't want to fight. He didn't have the strength to fight now. All he wanted to do was go home and sleep. Without uttering a word, he turned his gaze and continued walking, right past April. Setting her pen down upon the chart, she walked clear out from the front desk and yelled, "Jackson?!"

Raising his hand, he said, "Leave me alone, April!"

He walked out the ER doors. Huffing, April marched after him. She was also tired, emotionally tired. This had gone on long enough, she thought. They needed to talk. She needed to talk to Jackson. Gaining on him, April reached out her hand, grabbed his elbow, and turned him around. Jackson groaned loudly. "What do you want from me, April?! I've already told you how I feel. Just let me alone."

Jackson began to turn around again but was stopped by her hand. Turning toward her, he had a look of annoyance and frustration on his face. April let go of his arm and stood up straight.

"I just wanted to say…" started April.

Jackson moaned. "April, are you still leaving? If you are, there's nothing left to say."

April stammered for an answer. She didn't know how to say what she wanted to say. Meanwhile, still frustrated, Jackson shifted his feet and stared down at April. He waited with his hands in his pockets for an answer. After a few minutes, though, April closed her mouth and simply stared at Jackson. Immediately, Jackson turned and walked away, tired of waiting. Fear of him leaving, April then blurted out, "I'm not leaving!"

Jackson froze in his spot. He spun around, a confused look upon his face. Hands still in his pockets, he waited patiently this time for April to explain.

"I called the Army and said I'm not going back. It was a great experience, but this last month being away from you made me realize that I don't want to be. I am sorry for shutting you out after Samuel died. I shouldn't have. You were going through as hard a time as I was, and I wasn't there. I am sorry, Jackson. I love you so much."

All the words were knocked out of him. All of the breath was knocked out of him. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. His hands, somewhere in the middle of April's speech, fell out and hung by his side. Now, it was April's turn to wait for an answer, but no answer came. All Jackson could do was stand there, dumbfounded.

After a few minutes, hearing no reply, April began to turn around. She began walking back toward the ER doors, feeling downtrodden that Jackson didn't have an answer. But then she heard him yell, "Wait, April!"

She turned around once more and saw Jackson jogging to where she was standing. Stopping in front of her, he looked directly into her eyes and said, "I love you too." And then, he leaned in and kissed her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Taken aback, April gave in to the kiss and wrapped her arms around Jackson's neck.

Standing at the small nurses' station, Meredith scribbled into the chart before her. She wrote down her observations and the vitals of the patient in the room before her. She stopped for a moment, thinking about what Ethan had to her. What was he sorry about? Had he and his wife gotten into a fight? Why did Ethan mistake Meredith for her? These questions filled her mind, making her stop writing. Meredith looked up from the chart and turned her head toward the ICU room. And there, beyond the glass doors, Ethan laid in the bed, unconscious, intubation tube still in his throat. Meredith stared at him for a moment longer, wondering, and then turned her head to the vitals monitor, seeing everything stable.

Catching what she needed from the monitor, she gazed back down to the chart. She then scribbled her signature, closed the chart, and handed it back to the nurses. Walking away from the desk, putting her pen into her pocket, Meredith stopped in front of the door, peering in at Ethan. She put her hands in her pockets and simply stared. Her mind then wondered to another man who laid in a similar position as Ethan, with a tube down in his throat. Only, that man was hooked up to a life support machine.

As Meredith stood there, thinking about Derek, tears rolled down her cheek. She gazed upon Ethan and hoped that he would wake soon, able to tell his wife everything. Minutes passed; the clock ticked. People passed Meredith by, some giving her a sympathetic look, while others looked beyond Meredith and at Ethan. Hands still in her pockets, she became lost in staring at Ethan. Until finally, someone came up close to her and startled her.

Jumping a little, Meredith turned her head to see that Maggie had walked up beside her. Maggie placed her hands in her pockets, standing straight up. The two sisters stood in silence, simply waiting for Ethan to wake up. And then, Maggie broke the silence.

"How is he?" she asked Meredith.

"His vitals are good; his abdominal incision looks great. He just hasn't woken up yet." replied Meredith, somewhat puzzled.

Maggie nodded her head, indicating that she understood. She then reached for the door and slid it back, walking into the room. She stopped by the sink to put gloves on and then approached Ethan's bedside. She lifted up his gown and tore back the dressing covering the incision to his heart. Inspecting it closely, Maggie tore it off completely and prepared to place the new dressing. In the meantime, as she did the dressing, Meredith walked in and sat down in one of the chairs in the room.

Having finished rubbing the medication onto the incision, Maggie then placed the dressing over it. She smoothed it out, patting Ethan's chest firmly to secure the dressing. Immediately, Ethan began to breathe on his own. Meredith stood up, eyes wide, hurrying over to the bedside to help Maggie. Putting on gloves, Meredith pulled back the tape that was keeping the tube secure. Then Maggie slowly pulled out the tube. Once all the way out, Ethan's chest began to heave. Meredith took off her gloves and placed them on the table above the bed. Laying her hands on the bed, she watched as Maggie discarded the intubation tube. Meredith then grabbed Ethan's wrist, checking his pulse.

As Meredith did this, with Maggie over at the sink throwing things away, Ethan opened his eyes. Questions began to fill his mind, one of them being where Sara was. His gaze flew around the room, trying to ascertain where he was. When he felt a hand upon his, he looked in the direction of the contact, seeing Meredith look at her watch. Immediately, he grabbed her wrist.

Meredith startled. Looking down, she noticed that Ethan's were open, and he was looking right at her. Her eyes widened, and she turned to the monitor. All vitals were stable. A small smile crossed her mouth as she turned back to Ethan.

"Mr. Posey, you're going to be all right. Your surgery was successful." explained Meredith.

Still holding on to her wrist, Ethan opened his mouth. There were so many things that he wanted to say, but the only thing that could come out was, "Where's Sara? Where's my wife?"

Puzzled, Meredith asked, "Excuse me? What was that?"

Grabbing her hand more, Ethan tried to sit up. He looked Meredith directly in the eye and swallowed. "Where's Sara? I need to tell her that I'm sorry. That I'm sorry for the fight we had. That I love her."

"I'm here, Ethan." a voice called. _(In the midst of tragedy, the sun does come out.)_

Immediately, Meredith looked over to the door. Ethan let go of her hand, and Meredith pulled it back. For in the doorway to his room, Sara sat in a wheelchair, alert, smiling, and with white bandages around her head. She turned her head slightly and gazed up at Amelia. Amelia then rolled her over to the other side of the bed, up close to Ethan. Meanwhile, Ethan's eyes fixed upon Sara, becoming more alert. When she made over to the bedside, Ethan opened his hand for her to take. Immediately, she did. And a tidal wave of relief washed over Ethan.

"I'm sorry, baby. For the fight. I love you so much. You are the love of my life." uttered Ethan.

Tears rolled down Sara's face. Her grip tightened upon Ethan's hand. As the both of them stared and smiled at each other, Meredith, Maggie, and Amelia began to away towards the door. Amelia and Maggie made it back on the other side of the glass without them noticing. But before Meredith could step her foot over the threshold, Ethan turned his head and saw her leaving.

"Thank you. For saving my life." said Ethan.

Meredith turned around and saw Ethan staring at her, hand still grasping Sara's. "You're welcome, Ethan."

Ethan smiled faintly and turned back to Sara. Meredith walked on out and closed the door, letting the two of them be alone. Maggie's stood at the window, hands returned to her pockets, while Amelia stood with her arms crossed over her chest, a small smile on her face. As Meredith closed the door, a small tear fell down. She then gazed upon Ethan and Sara, their happy, smiling faces and their hands tightly grasping the others.

As all three doctors stood and watched, Alex and Jo walked up to the window with the kids by their side. "Can they go in and see their parents?" asked Jo.

Startled, Meredith, Maggie, and Amelia jumped. Turning their torsos, they saw Amy and Jack standing on either of Alex and Jo. The kids looked in through the window and saw their parents talking and smiling with each other. Jack's eyes grew big, and he began to jump up and down. Amy stood there, smile on her face, relief flooding her. They then turned their heads up to Meredith, waiting for an answer.

Meredith gazed into the children's faces. Seeing the joy and happiness on their faces, she reached forward and opened the door.

"Just be careful, okay. Mom and Dad are still healing." replied Meredith.

The children nodded vigorously, smiles a mile wide on their faces. Jo placed a hand on each of their backs and led them through. As the door closed behind them, Alex fell in line with the other three, watching through the window at the reunited family. Upon entering the room, Jack rushed to his mother, Sara's arms flung out wide for him. Amy walked over to the other side of Ethan, Ethan holding up his arm, hand opened, with all his might. Amy placed her hand in her father's, smiling. As the family began talking, Jo quietly took the back corner near the door, hands in the pockets of her lab coat.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the glass, Meredith, Alex, Maggie, and Amelia all stood in a line watching the happy family. Maggie and Amelia had small smiles upon their faces. But all Meredith could think about was Derek, and how her family had now been broken. _(But…,)_ Watching the smiles all around, tears began to fall, one-by-one. Before the others could notice, though, Meredith turned around and walked away from the glass, down the hall. No one uttered a word, for they knew why Meredith was upset.

After a few minutes of standing and staring, Alex looked over his shoulder towards the end of the hallway. He thought that Meredith would come back to the window. When she did not, Alex turned to face Maggie and Amelia and uttered, "I'll go see what's up."

He turned away from the window and walked down the hall. Noticing through the glass that Alex had left, Jo dug her hands deep as possible into her lab pockets, staring down at the floor. Meanwhile, Alex walked down the hallways, knowing exactly where Meredith would be. Coming to the end of a hallway, he took the stairs down to the basement. After a right turn and then a left turn, he came now to a familiar place that he had forgotten about: the tunnel. Passing the vending machines, he came to the end of the tunnel where the gurneys were and there saw Meredith standing, arms crossed, staring out the window at the nice, cool evening.

Quiet as ever, hands in pockets, Alex walked over and stood beside Meredith. For a few minutes, both of them simply looked out the window, remembering times from long ago. Alex shifted his feet a couple of times and then uttered, "Everything okay? You were staring quite a lot at the dad back there."

Meredith sighed. "I just wish Derek had made it. I wake up, on my couch, from a dream that Derek is sitting up in that bed, waiting for me. Ethan woke up, and he gets to see his wife again. Derek never got to see me. It just…hurts."

Meredith bowed her head to her chest, hiding the tears. _(…in order to see the sun…)_ Alex continued to stare out the window. A minute passed, and Meredith felt an arm wrap around her shoulder, bringing her in. Meredith and Alex stood like that for what felt like forever, in a place filled with so many memories.

Breaking the long silence, Alex finally spoke, "What are going to do now? Are you going to sell the house?"

Meredith lifted her head, staring at the light that was reflected off the window. "I honestly don't know. A part of me wants to stay, and another part of me wants to leave."

Meredith leaned her head against Alex's shoulder. Alex knew that now was the time for just silence, simple silence.

* * *

The kids were in bed. Amelia was in the guest room. Meredith stood in front of the door that led to her and Derek's bedroom. She took a deep breath, not really wanting to go in but she knew that she had to try. She knew, for some inexplicable reason, that she had to try and sleep in their bedroom again. She reached for the doorknob and opened it. Stepping in, Meredith turned on the light and looked around. Her eyes once more fell upon the post-it above the bed. _"This is forever."_ she heard Derek say in her mind. She moved her feet, against instinct, over to the bed. Meredith climbed in on her side, brought the covers up, and laid her head down on the pillow. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the drawing of the tumor above the dresser. Immediately, she turned back to look at the ceiling. _(…and the horizon,)_

" _I can do this. I know I can do this."_ she thought.

She turned on her side and shut her eyes, hoping that she could get to sleep. But then, she caught a whiff of something. Meredith sniffed her nose and leaned over on the other side of the bed. She sniffed the pillow and immediately knew what it was: Derek. _(…we must rise up from the ashes…,)_

" _That's it."_ she thought and jumped out of bed and left the room.

The doorbell rang. Alex could hear incessant knocking upon the door downstairs. Groaning, he climbed out bed, wearing pajama bottoms and a black wife-beater. He made his way downstairs and halfway on the staircase, he could see Meredith standing on the front porch, in front of the door. Extremely puzzled by this, and a whole lot pissed off, Alex trudged down the stairs and to the front door.

Finally there, he opened the door and said, "Mer, what the hell…"

"I want the house back." interjected Meredith. _(…and move forward.")_


	2. A New Normal

**A/N: Hello everyone! Here is a new chapter. Beware: this one is rather long. I hope you enjoy it. As usual, Meredith's voice-over is in parentheses. Remember: read and review! :)**

Ch. 2

"A New Normal"

 _The sun was rising. Birds were singing. Light filled the bedroom that was Meredith's and Derek's. As the light illuminated the bed itself, two people were under the covers, all clothes upon the floor. The smacking of lips and then a loud groan filled the room. Silence. Heavy panting erupted from one of the occupants in the bed, and then the covers folded over to reveal Meredith laying upright. She stared up at the ceiling, as if to see beyond the wall and out at the sky. Having caught her breath, a smile grazed her face and then turned her head to face the other person beside her: Derek._

" _That was great." Meredith uttered with a big smile._

 _Propping his head with his left hand on the pillow, Derek turned to face his wife. He gazed upon her face, staring at her features and her brown hair. He then turned to his gaze down to look at her chest. "Beautiful," he thought. He returned the smile she gave him with his ever-famous, ever-enchanting "McDreamy" smile. Derek reached his hand up and cupped Meredith's face with his hand. His thumb rubbed her cheek, just underneath her eye, as Meredith grabbed his wrist._

" _You are so beautiful. You are truly and forever the love of my life." replied Derek._

 _He leaned over in the bed and planted his lips upon Meredith's. For what seemed like forever, Meredith and Derek had their tongues wrapped around the others. Meredith was in a state of bliss. A state that she so wished could last forever. Is this real, she thought? Whether or not it was, Meredith did not care. All she cared about was Derek's lips upon hers. And then, the kiss was broken, and Derek pulled away._

" _It's time for you to get up, babe. You've got the kids, remember?" said Derek._

 _Meredith pulled back from Derek, laying once again upon her pillow staring at the ceiling. She sighed deeply, not wanting to get up. All she wanted to do was stay there, in the bed. With Derek. She looked over once more to the other side of the bed, seeing Derek smile._

" _I don't want to get up. I want to stay in here, with you." she uttered._

" _Mmmm," replied Derek. He began to lean again towards Meredith, Meredith now doing the same. With her eyes closed, Meredith could feel Derek's breath upon her. Feeling the warmth of his lips, Meredith inched closer, wanting Derek so badly. But before her lips could touch his, a faint cry filled her ears._

Meredith opened her eyes. _("Change.)_ Once more, she stared at the ceiling of her old bedroom. Immediately, she turned to the other side of the bed, only to find it empty. _"It was all a dream, again."_ she thought. Her heart sank at this, thinking that this time was real. _(Some fear it.)_ Oh, how she wished it was real! But then, another cry brought her back, realizing that it was Ellis. Sighing, she climbed out of bed, pushing back the covers. She walked over to the door and opened it, staring into the bathroom on the other side. _(Others hate it.)_

As Meredith looked down the hallway, so many memories filled her mind. Memories of George and Izzie, memories of catching Lexie with Alex that one night, and the memory of Callie buck naked in front of George. Not wanting to go any further, Meredith made her way down the hallway and turned left to what used to be Izzie's room. _(But for a surgeon…,)_ Opening the door, Meredith could hear Ellis's cry all the more loudly. Scanning the room, she noticed that Zola wasn't in her bed. Meredith walked over to Ellis and picked her up, bouncing her up and down to which Ellis's cries ceased. Panic-ridden, Meredith zoomed out of the room and stood in the small area in front of Alex's old room, now belonging to little Bailey.

"Zo! Zola! Answer me, please!" yelled Meredith.

No answer came. Really worried now, Meredith walked over to the door of Bailey's room and opened it. He was still sleeping, on his stomach, hand dangling. Meredith quietly the shut door, adjusted Ellis on her hip, thinking to herself.

" _Okay. I'll go find Zola, come back up and wake Bailey, and get them all ready to go."_ she thought.

Meredith hurried down the stairs, still calling for Zola. No answer still, she rushed to the kitchen, thinking that she had gotten her breakfast on her own. Walking through the doorway, her suspicions were confirmed. Zola sat at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal, all dressed up. Meredith breathed a sigh of relief. _(…change is familiar.)_

"Hi, Mama!" waved Zola, with one hand still on her spoon. At this, a head turned at the counter, revealing it to be Amelia.

"Hey Mer. I thought I'd get Zola ready for you. Mind if I take her to preschool?" asked Amelia.

Unsure of what to say, Meredith stuttered a little while. _(We expect the new techniques, the innovations.)_ On one hand, she was pissed that Amelia didn't wake up to let her know she had gotten Zola ready. On the other hand, she was grateful for Amelia. She had been awesome for the past few months with the kids, getting them ready, playing with them. _(The new surgeries, the new discoveries.)_ Thinking about all of this, Meredith's head cleared. She walked over to the counter and stared into Amelia's face.

"No. I don't mind. Actually, Bailey's still asleep, and I was wondering if you couldn't feed Ellis for me." asked Meredith.

"Sure, no problem," said Amelia, standing up from the chair and holding out her hands. Meredith then transferred Ellis to Amelia, with no fuss. Immediately, Meredith kissed Ellis and hurried back upstairs to wake Bailey. Opening the door, Meredith tip-toed over to the bed. She knelt down and gently whispered, "Bailey, time to get up, honey."

Reluctantly, Bailey turned over and opened his eyes. With a "Hi", Meredith stood up and walked over to flip the light on. She then hurried over to his chest of drawers and grabbed a shirt and some pants and some underwear. While she did this, Bailey sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes. Things becoming clearer in his vision, he began to look around the room, a little confused. When Meredith returned to the bed, Bailey hopped up and allowed Meredith to help him get dressed. As she fastened his pants, with Bailey's hands upon her shoulders, he uttered, "Mommy, where's Daddy?" _(But one thing we never expect is,)_

Meredith immediately looked up into Bailey's face. Those words felt like a knife plunging deep within her. _(…that outside the OR,)_ Trying not to tear up, Meredith lifted Bailey's hands and pulled his shirt down over him. She looked to the floor, not wanting to stare Bailey in the eye. A single tear fell down her face. Not wanting to fall apart right then and there, she gazed up at her son and held her arms out. Bailey grabbed onto Meredith, and she hoisted herself off the floor.

With Bailey on one arm, Meredith grabbed the pajamas. She discarded them into the basket near the doorway and crossed the threshold, turning sideways and extending her other arm to close the door. While her face was turned away, staring into the room, she paused. Her mind went back to the dream she just had. Oh how she wished it was real! Just one more moment. One more.

Meredith closed the door to Bailey's room, sniffing away the tears. With Bailey holding on, Meredith retreated back down the stairs and towards the joyful noise that could be heard down below. _(…change still takes pleasure in kicking our asses.)_

_ **Grey's Anatomy** _

"Ethan, I'm not going to tell you again! Let's go!" yelled the woman at the bottom of the staircase.

Immediately, rumbling could be heard from her stomach. Casey West held her hand to her stomach, clutching the banister ever tighter. She looked to the floor and stared at its bright, oak surface. She turned her gaze inward, slowly, coming upon her toes which stuck out of the heels she was wearing to work that day. She turned around slowly on the first step, hand still clutching her front. As Casey let go of the banister, she stepped off the staircase and around, heading down a hallway.

She stopped in a doorway, hand still clutched, gaze halfway to the floor. She lifted her eyes slightly to see a man in a ratty t-shirt, at a stove. She could hear sizzling from the pan and the sound of a pancake being flipped. Just the smell of the food began to make her nauseous. Casey put her hand down and walked over to the counter that stood in the middle of the kitchen. Hands resting on the smooth, grey surface, she searched the top with a puzzled look.

"Hey, babe, have you seen those stack of papers I was grading last night?" asked Casey to the back of the man.

Brett West, the man in the ratty t-shirt, turned around. Frying pan in his right hand, spatula left, the brown-eyed, brown-haired 35 year old man walked to the counter and scooped up the pancakes that were sizzling. He gently laid them down on the plates that were for three people and walked over to the sink. Having discarded the pan, he walked back over and stared at his wife.

"Yeah. They're on the table over there." replied Brett, now placing bacon onto the plate.

Casey turned around. Breathing a sigh of relief, she hustled over to the table and scooped up the papers. In a neat stack, she then searched for her briefcase. Meanwhile, Brett carried two of the plates over to the table, setting them down side-by-side. He then straightened up and looked at Casey.

"Want some breakfast before you go to campus?" he asked.

Her stomach rumbling horribly, Casey rested her hand on her front once more. She gave a slight grimace and uttered, "No, thanks. My stomach's acting funny this morning."

Brett walked over to where his wife stood. He wrapped his arms around her waist, placing his lips on various parts of her neck and face. "Want me to kiss it and make it better?" he tauntingly teased, suddenly kneeling slightly, kissing the top part of her chest.

Casey chuckled. She placed her hands on Brett's forearms, trying to push him away. But he wouldn't let go. Moving back up, he continued to kiss her neck, planting gentle kisses here and there. Casey closed her eyes and smiled.

"Mmmm. Don't stop," she uttered, finally feeling the rumbling in her stomach subside.

Brett closed in and wrapped his arms around Casey tight. Their faces were inches from the others, their noses almost touching. Casey brought her arms around Brett's shoulders, and they began to kiss. Tongues moved in and out. After a few seconds, they pulled apart, slightly, and smiled at each other.

"I love you, Casey. From the moment I saw you in that class, I knew. You are the one for me." said Brett.

Casey smiled evermore. She planted her lips on her husband's once more and fiercely made out. Brett drew her over to the counter. Casey leaned on the edge, her arms still wrapped around Brett's shoulders. They continued to attack each other's mouths with their tongues, oblivious to the sound of footsteps on the stairs. When the footsteps grew louder, and a loud "Ewww!" echoed throughout the room, the two startled apart and wiped their lips as if something were on them.

Casey and Brett then turned their heads to see their 7-year-old son, Ethan, standing by the door, a horrid look etched on his face. Both of them began laughing, and Brett began to walk away from Casey and over to Ethan. Picking him up, he said, "Hey, you're gonna be like that one of these days. Besides, that's how you were made, Ethan."

"Brett!" interjected Casey, a horrified look on her face.

Laughing it off, Brett walked over to a chair with a plate in front of it. He sat Ethan down and scooted him close to the table. Ethan's eyes popped out: he loved pancakes. Ethan dug in with his fork, while Brett smiled at his son, having a seat himself. As her boys ate, Casey leaned her waist against the counter again, hand resting on the surface. She smiled. She was in love with the two men sitting in front of her, that she could feel a flutter in her stomach. Casey gently placed her hand on her stomach and knelt her head sideways.

Having stood like that for a few seconds, her gaze lingered over to the chair on the opposite side of the table. There was her briefcase! she thought. Picking her hand up, she walked away from the counter and on over to the table. But before she could reach the chair, a sudden pain shot through her stomach. Her hand clutched her front; she winced. The pain would not subside. She bent over slightly, trying to catch her breath, but all she felt was dizziness mixed in with a nauseous feeling. And then, she felt herself losing consciousness, hitting the floor, barely hearing the yell "Casey? Casey!"

* * *

The sirens of the ambulances filled the air. As the rigs rounded the corner, the driver of the first spotted the doctors all gathered round, waiting. Each and every one had on the cream-colored ER gowns, the women with their hair back, the men standing determined and ready. Meredith and Maggie stood next to each other, looking grim. For indeed, what brought them all out here was a MVC, with many injured.

As the first rig made its way to the doors, another and another and another came after. Soon, all four rigs were stopped and backing up. Finally, the EMTs of all three ambulances jumped out and rushed to the doors to bring out the injured. Alex and Jo rushed to the first rig; Owen and Amelia to the second; April and Stephanie to the third; and Callie and Richard to the fourth and last rig.

The doors of the first rig flew open. The EMT, Jill, jumped out of the vehicle and pulled with her the gurney, the patient on top. Held down by a collar, a teenage boy rolled on out. He was unconscious and strapped to the gurney. Brown hair matted his head, and a large gash cut its way across his forehead.

"Brandon Cummings, 15, cut to the forehead. BP normal at 120/70." yelled Jill.

As soon as Jill spoke, Brandon's eyes flew open. They frantically moved from left to right, trying to see what was going on and where exactly he was.

"Where- Where am I? Mom?! Kevin?!" screamed Brandon.

Brandon tried to get out of the restraints. He tried to lift his head, but the collar held him back. He then tried to raise his hands but the restraints kept them to his side. Alex and Jo rushed to his side, doing their best to calm him down.

"Brandon! Brandon! Hey! You're going to be fine! We've got you!" exclaimed Alex.

"Where's my mom? Is she okay?" uttered Brandon, looking Alex directly in the face.

"I don't know, but we'll find out for you. Right now, let's just take care of you." replied Alex, grabbing onto the side and running back into the ER.

At the second rig, Owen and Amelia opened the doors. Immediately, their jaws dropped. For what they saw was not just a woman with blood everywhere but also with a piece of glass piercing the top of her skull. Blood continued to drip down the side of the woman's face as the gurney was lowered onto the ground.

"Rachel Cummings, 41, blunt head injury! Abdominal injuries also apparent. Tachycardic in the 140s!" screamed the male EMT as both Owen and Amelia simply stared at the sight.

Just standing there, everyone around them began to look over at them, wondering what it was that made them freeze. A hint of a tear formed in Owen's eye, but before it could fall, he wiped it away and grabbed hold of the side. Amelia mimicked his actions, and off the two went back inside.

At the same moment that Owen and Amelia opened the doors, April opened the doors of the third rig. Climbing out, the gurney revealed another teenaged boy, who like the woman named Rachel, looked just as bad. The boy's face was all covered in blood, most of which was residing on the left side of his head. Wearing a C-collar, he was, not unlike Brandon, fully unconscious.

"Kevin Nelson, 15, blunt head trauma! Injuries to the abdomen as well! BP holding in the 140s." yelled another EMT.

As April and Stephanie rolled away the boy, the last gurney was now on the ground. And on top of it lay an adult male who was yelling quite loudly above the EMTs.

"Michael Cummings, 43, no major injuries! Small cut on his forehead and a broken arm! BP normal!"

At the same time, the man named Michael yelled, "Where's Brandon?! Where's my son?! Brandon, wait till I get a hold of you!"

On the side of the gurney, Richard uttered, "Sir, calm down. What happened?"

Michael's eyes were wondering around in search of his son when Richard was standing at the side of the gurney. But when Richard spoke, the man turned and looked Richard directly in the eye, furious, and yelling, "My son's a freaking faggot! That's what happened!"

Richard was taken aback. Callie simply stared at Richard. With a nod to her, both doctors placed their hands upon the rail of the gurney and led him into the ER. Meanwhile, another ambulance came barreling in. Once stopped, Meredith and Maggie raced forward and each took a handle to open the back. There, on the gurney now rolling out, was Casey.

"Casey West, 32 years old! Collapsed on her kitchen floor, unconscious! BP in the 150s! Abdomen rigid," said Ray as he jumped down from the ledge. And right behind him came out Brett, carrying Ethan, tears running down his face.

Brett turned to Meredith and said, shakily, "Please. Please save my wife. She's the love of my life."

And those words hit Meredith like bricks. Her mind began to flash back to the dream she had this morning, of her and Derek lying in bed. She stared at Brett, tears streaming down his face, holding his little boy. Clutching his forearm, she then uttered, "I know. We'll save her."

Meredith turned away from Brett. She placed her hands upon the gurney and noticed the look on Maggie's face. For indeed, the look on her face was one that said that she should not have made that promise. The look on her face was one that said that this was an abdominal aortic aneurysm. Meredith and Maggie then began pushing the gurney into the ER, with Meredith looking back at Brett, regretting what she had said.

* * *

"I never should have said it. I never should have told him. I should've listened to Kevin." said Brandon.

Brandon was now sitting up, collar unstrapped. He laid back on the bed, as Jo continued her suture of the cut on his forehead. On the other side of the bed, Alex stood with his stethoscope in his ears and listened for Brandon's heartbeat. Once finished, he walked back to the chart, grabbing his pen from his pocket, and saying, "Never should have said what, Brandon?"

Brandon stared down at his knees. Why did he say that? Did he know? He couldn't possibly know, he thought. What if he judges me? He pointed his eyes up towards Jo, who was weaving in and out the suture for his cut. Brandon then looked around at the rest of the ER, making sure nobody else was around. After seeing everything was clear, he looked back to Alex and replied, "I never should've told my father that I had sex with Kevin."

Alex was taken aback. Jo stopped suturing for a second. Brandon looked straight into Alex's face, seeing the shock. He then scoffed, knowing that he was right. "I knew it. I knew that you would judge me."

At that, Alex came out of his reverie. He watched Brandon shake his head and look up at the ceiling, away from everything. Finishing in the chart, Alex put away his pen and walked back to Brandon's side.

"Hey. I wasn't judging. I was just surprised that you'd tell your Dad _that_ , of all places in the car while he was driving." chuckled Alex.

Brandon looked up. The smile on Alex's face softened his expression. Giving a small smile himself, he then uttered, "Yeah. It was pretty stupid telling him then, huh?"

Brandon chuckled. Alex chuckled. Looking at Alex for another second, realization hit Brandon, and fear etched itself upon his face. He knelt his head down and quietly uttered, "My dad's gonna kill me."

"Hey. Just because he got mad and caused a wreck, that doesn't mean he won't be understanding." replied Jo, now finished with the suture and placing the instruments upon the tray.

"No, no. You don't understand. My dad will literally hurt me if he sees me. He hates gays." explained Brandon.

Jo was in the middle of taking off her gloves. Both she and Alex shared a glance with each other, concern written all over their faces. For indeed, the very man they were talking about was in the next room.

Callie was examining the broken arm of Michael Cummings, while Richard was suturing up the cut that was on his forehead. Michael, while they worked, continued on about his son.

"I can't believe him! I absolutely cannot believe him! You think you know your own son, and then… BAM! One day, he just tells you out of the blue that he's gay. That he had sex with another boy. Well, I'll tell you, that boy is not setting foot in my house ever again! I don't want anything to do with a faggot!" screamed Michael.

Callie and Richard looked up at each other. It was all she could do not to go off on the guy. As Callie finished examining the arm, she stood upright and took off her jacket. Grabbing the guy's arm, she raised it up high and positioned her arms in the right spots. She counted down in her head, and before she got to three, she looked over at Richard who simply giving her a great big smile.

"Aaaah!" yelled Michael.

A great _POP!_ resounded throughout the exam room. Callie grabbed the splint that was on the tray next to her, all the while holding the arm with her hand. As she placed his arm in the splint and pulled the strap over his head to attach it, Michael uttered, "Why did you have to do that for?"

Callie smirked. She and Richard shared one last glance at each other, and Callie walked over to his side. She leaned over Richard's shoulder and whispered in his ear, "That should shut him up for a few minutes."

Richard snickered. He twisted his head back and uttered, "Thank you."

Both of them snorted, reveling in what just happened. Callie gave Richard a pat on the shoulder and walked away from him. She reached the door and opened it, noticing Brandon across the room talking with Alex and Jo. Her smile soon faded as the news of his mother and the boy he was with entered her mind.

April and Stephanie stood over the OR table, masks on and gloves secured. As April cut into Kevin's abdomen, Dr. Nelson stood up above at his brain, working away to find the bleed. April called for suction; Stephanie held it in and cleared the field. And then, April found the bleed. But before she could call for the sutures, the alarm on the vitals monitor went off.

"V-fib!" yelled Stephanie.

"What happened?! Dr. Nelson?!" screamed April.

As April, Stephanie, and Dr. Nelson scrambled to figure out what went wrong, Amelia and Owen stood in OR 3, over the table, at the skull and the abdomen respectively. The monitor was going off, indicating asystole.

"Time of death: 12:30 pm," uttered Owen, pulling off his mask and lowering his head.

Blood on her hands, Amelia stepped back. She pulled the top of her mask down and simply stared at the incision site that she had made. She was almost there, she thought. She almost had it, the bleed. After a few more seconds, Amelia walked away and back into the scrub room. She pulled off the gown and threw it in the waste bin. She took off her scrub cap and laid it on top of the sink, leaning over and pressing the button for water to come out.

As she washed her arms off, Owen came in. Pulling his gown and cap off, he walked over to the sink and turned it on. They then washed off in silence, staring through the window at the residents closing the incisions.

Finishing, Amelia turned off the sink and dried off her arms. "I honestly I thought I had it. The bleed. It was right there."

Owen looked over at her. He then turned off the sink and grabbed a towel. He turned around and leaned against the edge, drying off. He faced the floor, unsure of what to say. Once finished drying off, he tossed the towel in the waste bin and stood there, gazing at Amelia. Her hands clutched the edge of the sink, her face down, eyes closed. And then, words finally came to Owen.

"She was too far gone. She wasn't wearing a seatbelt, and she flew through the windshield. There wasn't anything else we could have done," he said.

Immediately, Amelia looked up at him. The two gazed into each other's eyes, and then Amelia broke down. She let go of the sink and began sobbing. Owen's eyes filled with tears, he rushed to her side and simply held her.

* * *

Casey lay on the OR table, the intubation tube sticking out of her. Meredith and Maggie were now deep inside her abdomen. Looking at the scans that they had gotten quickly, Maggie glanced back down at what she saw.

"It's bigger than the scans make it look. I mean, look at the size of that." said Maggie.

"No wonder she had collapsed. She had to have been feeling great pain this morning." replied Meredith.

"Yeah. Luckily, it's not too big. Just enough to cause pain and bleed a little."

Both set of hands were in the abdomen. As Meredith cleared the field of blood and making sure none of the other organs blocked Maggie's view, Maggie readied the supplies she needed to get rid of this aneurysm. She grabbed what she needed and began to work. After a few minutes of silence and concentration, Maggie gazed up at Meredith.

"Hey, what was that back there? In the ambulance bay, with the husband?" asked Maggie.

Meredith shifted her feet. She pushed back organs, giving Maggie a good clear view of the aorta, now staring at her. "Excuse me?"

Maggie looked up from her work, stammering. "Well, I—I just meant what you said to her husband, promising him that we'd save her, that's never like you. As long as I have worked with you, Meredith, you never give your patients a direct promise. You always tell them that you'll do, or we'll do, our best to save them, but you never give a guarantee. I was just wondering what was up," said Maggie, switching off facing Meredith and the surgical area while she talked.

Meredith looked taken aback. On one hand, she was kind of offended by Maggie for what she said. It was almost as if she never thought of her to have a compassionate bone in her body. But on the other hand, Maggie was right, she knew. Meredith knew that she never made a promise to a patient or their loved one. She always told them that "everything would be okay, we'll take care of you". As Meredith continued to push back organs, she suddenly realized what had caused her to do that.

"This morning, as I was getting Bailey ready, he said something to me. Something that just hit me hard. He said—," Meredith stopped. One of the pagers on the tray near the nurses went off. The nurse that was nearest to the pagers walked over and picked up the one that was beeping. It was Meredith's.

"Dr. Grey, it's yours. It's the daycare." said the nurse, holding up the pager.

Meredith sighed. Keeping her eyes on the surgical field, she replied, "Can you check and see what they want for me, please?"

The nurse nodded. As she went over to the phone and dialed the number, Meredith pulled back on the organs she was holding. Maggie reached in more and tried to find the place where the blood was coming from in the aorta. Suddenly, she could feel the aneurysm.

"My god! This aneurysm is big! It definitely feels like it could rupture any minute." she said.

"How do you want to proceed?" asked Meredith.

Hand upon the aneurysm, Maggie gazed intently at it, thinking. If she tried to repair it now, it'd be much easier than if it ruptured. With Meredith standing on the other side, Maggie began to look around, seeing what all was available. She shifted her feet slightly and exhaled.

"I'm going to repair it. Nurse, get me ready." she said.

The nurse who was at the phone answering Meredith's page finally hung up. She walked back over to Meredith's side, and with the pager still in her hand, she said, "Dr. Grey, they said it was about Bailey. He's been making a fuss all day and crying for you…," she paused, mouth slightly agape, unsure of how to continue.

At that point, Meredith peered over her shoulder, still holding the organs, at the nurse. The headset she was wearing shined its light upon the nurse, making her wince a little. As Meredith stared at her, waiting for her to continue, she began to think of what was wrong. Bailey never acted up. He was always so good for the people in the daycare. What could possibly be wrong, she wondered?

"Well?" asked Meredith, tired of waiting.

"She said that he has been crying for you and Derek." the nurse finally got out.

Once again, those words felt like a ton of bricks to Meredith. Her expression softened under her mask, previously irritated that somebody was paging her in the first place. She stammered for words, unsure of what to say. But she knew what she had to do.

"Thank you," said Meredith to the nurse.

When the nurse walked away, Meredith gazed at the floor. She didn't want to leave. Deep down, even though she wouldn't admit it, she had made a promise to the husband. That she would save his wife's life. But she also knew that not going to Bailey and staying in surgery, casting it off to someone else, would be something her mother would've done.

Looking back to the table, and to Maggie who reaching for something from the scrub nurse, she then uttered, "Can you get along without me, Maggie? I won't be long; I just need to go see what's up with Bailey."

Maggie stared directly at Meredith. Underneath her mask, she gave a sympathetic smile. Inevitably, she heard everything that the nurse had told Meredith. Of course she had to go! she thought. Maggie nodded her head and said, "Yeah, I can get this repair. Go take care of it."

Meredith smiled ever so faintly behind her mask. Nodding her thanks, she then yelled for one of the interns, standing nearby, to come over to her. The intern, like a flash, was right by Meredith's side, ready for the orders.

"Go scrub in. You're going to put your hands in where mine are right now while I go take care of this. Go!" instructed Meredith.

The intern nodded, eager that he was going to stand at the OR table, his hands inside a patient. He turned around and ran into the scrub room, turning it on and vigorously washing. Once he was done, he came back in, and one of the nurses gloved him and gowned him. He walked back over to Meredith's side and stretched out his arms, indicating to Meredith that he was ready. Although she was wary and definitely uncertain about leaving Maggie with an intern, Meredith nodded again, pulled out her hands, and stepped back. Immediately, the intern placed his hands exactly where she had hers. Meredith walked over to the waste bin, right next to the door. She pulled off her mask, then her blood-stained gloves, and finally, her surgical gown.

Placing her hand on the handle, she turned and said, "I'll be back." And with that, she left the OR.

* * *

It was now mid-afternoon. The ER had quieted down once more, and the beds were beginning to empty of people. Over at the next to last bed, Alex stood at the computer, examining the MRI that was done on Brandon a few hours earlier. A pleased look on his face, he turned his gaze away from the monitor and down to look at Brandon, who was now sitting up in the bed, with a less-than-happy look on his face. For indeed, sitting right next to the bed, in a chair, sat Michael in the sling Callie had placed earlier, all sullen and dagger-eyed.

"Well, Brandon, you do not have a bleed on your brain from the accident. The cut is the only thing you sustained. You're going to be fine, man." smiled Alex, hand relaxed on the armrest of the computer, holding a pen. Alex then turned to the table above the bed and flipped the chart open, writing in it the results of the MRI.

"Yeah. I'm gonna be fine alright," mumbled Brandon, looking over to his left and seeing his dad sit next to him.

Alex gave a half-way glance towards Brandon and his dad. All day, he had been standing nearby, waiting for the bomb to go off between them. To step in, to protect Brandon. How much more of this was going to go on? How much longer could they sit there without someone getting uncomfortable? Unfortunately for Alex, that moment had come.

Brandon had looked down at the blankets after Alex had spoken. He was thinking about asking how Kevin was doing. He wanted to know how Kevin was doing. Was he out of surgery? Still in surgery? Was everything going okay? Brandon really hoped that his dad would go and get something to eat. He wanted him desperately to go somewhere else so he could ask what he wanted to ask. Looking up at his dad, though, he knew that that was never going to happen. Brandon turned back to Alex, seeing him get ready to leave, his chance almost gone. If he wanted to know, he'd have to ask now, he thought.

"Um, Dr. Karev, do you know anything about Kevin? Is he still in surgery?" asked Brandon.

Immediately, Brandon heard a scoff from over on the left. Extremely irritated now, Brandon looked over to see his dad had now to a now rather uncomfortable position, bringing his leg up and mumbling, "Faggot."

"Bigot." uttered Brandon, just loud enough that his dad could hear him on purpose, turning back to Alex.

Michael turned his head, his face beginning to flush red quite rapidly. He stood up from the chair and walked over to the bed, fuming. His good hand began to make a fist, and his chest began to heave quite rapidly.

"What did you just call me, boy?" asked Michael, in a low, menacing tone.

"I said that you were a bigot. 'Cause that's what you are. A stupid, bigoted asshat who hates anyone who isn't "normal"." replied Brandon, his ears beginning to turn red, the vital monitor beginning to beep just a little too fast.

Alex put his pen down and motioned for Jo to come over quickly. Jo rushed over, hands in her pockets, close to Alex's side. Alex leaned in and whispered, "Go get security, now. Just in case."

Jo nodded and ran off. Alex walked over slowly to the other side of the bed, placing his fingertips on the edge of the bed. "Brandon, calm down."

"No! Ever since I told him, ever since he caused the accident, he's looked at me like I'm diseased or something. He's looked at me like I'm not his son anymore. He's looked at me," stopped Brandon, his voice now breaking, "like I'm less than a person. And for all my life, he's never looked at me as his son."

Tears were beginning to stream down Brandon's face. He looked down to the blankets, wiping away the tears, sniffling. Alex placed his hand upon Brandon's shoulder, rubbing it. Meanwhile, the fist that Michael had made with his free hand got tighter. His nostrils flared, and his blood pressure began to rise.

"Do you think I'm stupid, boy? You think I didn't know about you? All my life, I have wanted a son. All my life, I have wanted a son who I can share my love of sports with and share what being a man is all about. And then, one day I look and my son is practicing ballet, playing with dolls, and rather spend his time shopping than playing sports. And then, I knew everything when you started taking more of an interest in boys' abs than in girls' breasts. So, you see, I knew all along. But the 'having sex' part took me over the edge. The 'having sex' part made me realize that I do not have a son." finished Michael.

Silence reigned between the three men. Through tear-stained eyes, Brandon gazed at his father with disgust. His hand still on his shoulder, Alex stared at Mr. Cummings with his mouth wide open. Michael continued to breathe deeply, his chest heaving. The look in his eye upon his son was one of fierce rage and disappointment. Unable to stare any longer at his father, Brandon knelt his head and wiped away the tears. Alex patted his shoulder one last time and walked away, back to the chart at the end of the bed. Michael walked back to the chair he was sitting in, but before he sat down, he spotted Owen and Amelia coming towards them, somber looks on their faces.

Michael stood back up, straightening his back and putting on a hopeful look. Brandon looked back up after having wiped his eyes to see also Owen and Amelia walking toward them. With hope ignited within him for his mother or Kevin, he sat straight up in the bed, grunting from the pain of the cut on his forehead. As Owen and Amelia drew closer, Alex grabbed Brandon's chart and stepped aside, pushing the computer out of the way.

Finally, Owen and Amelia stopped in front of the table at the end of the bed. Owen's hands were in his pockets, while Amelia's dangled by her side. Immediately, from seeing the looks on their faces, the hope that was on Michael's and Brandon's faces disappeared.

"Brandon, Mr. Cummings," began Owen, "we did everything we could to save your wife. But, unfortunately, there was just too much damage sustained. She didn't make it, guys."

Brandon suddenly burst out into sobs. He drew his knees up close to him and rested his arms upon the top. He buried his head in his knees and shook uncontrollably, not sure if he could or wanted to stop. Meanwhile, Michael stood as if all the wind had just been knocked out of him. His legs were quickly becoming like jelly, shaking so rapidly. He backed up to the chair slowly, not wanting to fall. When he felt the edge of the seat hit the back of his shins, he lowered himself down gently upon the seat, staring straight ahead.

"If you would like, we can bring you to your wife so you can say good-bye." uttered Owen.

Michael didn't hear Owen. He couldn't really think anymore. Everything had now become a giant haze, a fog that was setting in so rapidly he couldn't see past it. He began to look around, beginning to get his bearings once more. And then, he could hear the sobs coming from the bed, drowning out the processing of Owen's words.

"Brandon, will you shut the hell up please?!" yelled Michael at the top of his lungs.

Immediately, the sobs ceased. All eyes in the ER turned to face Mr. Cummings. Michael had his gaze fixed upon the floor, fully aware at the every eye in the whole room was now on him. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. But, he did know who to blame.

Standing up quick, Michael marched over to the bed where Brandon sat. He stopped in front of his son, nostrils flaring evermore, eyes shooting daggers. He stared directly into his son's puffy eyes and breathed, "This is all your fault, you faggot. Get out of my house, and never darken my doorstep again."

And with that, Michael turned from his son and walked away from the bed and out the ER doors.

The monitor showed flatline. The alarm resounded. April and Stephanie stood, staring each other directly in the eye, over the OR table, hands still inside of Kevin. Dr. Nelson began taking his instruments out of Kevin's brain and laying them down the tray nearby. Breaking the gaze, April looked down at the open incision and to her bloody gloves. She began to take them out, slowly, putting down her instruments. Stephanie soon followed, and eventually, the pair began backing away from the table. April reached back and pulled her mask down, facing Stephanie.

"Call it, Edwards." uttered April.

Stephanie sighed. Hands held up to her chest, she turned her head to look at the clock on the nearby wall.

"Time of death: 3:45 pm." announced Stephanie.

April turned around and began to walk back to the scrub room. She hit the button with her elbow, hands up to her chest, and walked inside. Stephanie, on the other hand, stood still. The alarm had been shut off. She looked over at the OR table once more, to the end where Kevin's head was resting. As the nurse began to take out his intubation tube, a single tear fell down Stephanie's cheek.

Meredith sprinted down the hallway. Dodging person after person, she began to pant heavily. A thousand thoughts filled her mind, thoughts of what Bailey was doing. At last, she reached the daycare and stopped abruptly in front of the window. Meredith peered through the blinds, gazing at all the children playing, happy. There were a few other surgeons who, like her, were both doctors and parents. She particularly gazed upon the dads. Seeing their smiling faces and the apparent love for their kids, tears began to form in Meredith's eyes, unbeknownst to her.

Meredith stood at the window for a while longer, searching for Bailey. When at last she found him, she saw that he was playing by himself. She then turned her gaze towards the head of the daycare that day, going around making sure everyone was okay. When she turned her eyes towards Bailey, Meredith noticed, a sympathetic look crossed her face. Taking a deep breath, Meredith let go of the rail she was holding and stood back. She walked to the door of the daycare and went in.

The head of the daycare turned her head, seeing who it was that came in. "Meredith! Glad to see you."

Meredith mouth turned into a slight smile. She made her across the room, through the toys and the kids, towards the woman near the cubbies. "Hi Charlene. One of the nurses in the OR said you paged me. It was about Bailey."

The woman named Charlene set down the toy she was holding back in the toy chest. She turned fully around and faced Meredith directly. A concerned look was now etched upon her countenance. She brought her hands up to her chest, clasping them together.

"Yes, I'm so sorry to pull you away from work. But, I thought you might be able to help get Bailey playing with the others. All day, he's been playing by himself, ignoring the others, every so often saying, "Where's my daddy?"

And just when she thought she had it under control, Meredith could feel the tears begin to well up again. She began to take deep, slow breaths, continuing to look at Charlene. All day, she hadn't thought about the dream. She hadn't thought about Derek. But now, hearing his name and what he's called by her kids, it was enough to break her completely.

Before losing it totally, Meredith stood straight up and asked, "Can I go over and see him now, please?"

"Yes," replied Charlene, extending her arm to the path towards the Bailey.

Meredith turned away from Charlene, placing her gaze upon her son. As she began to walk over, she watched build blocks by himself. One by one he place them on top of the other, building some sort of tower. When Meredith got close to him, Bailey looked up, a smile on his face.

"Mama!" exclaimed Bailey, extending his arms indicating that he wanted to be picked up.

"Hey little man! Whatcha been doing?" asked Meredith, bending low and grabbing Bailey under his arms.

Meredith placed him on her side, her hands locked underneath him. Looking at her son in the face, she soon realized just how much Bailey looked like Derek. The tears began to well up anew, resulting in a sniffle from Meredith to keep them from flowing. She turned around from the blocks and headed back for Charlene. Once there, Charlene turned around.

"Charlene, I'm going to take Bailey out for a minute. I'll be back. And, is Ellis okay? Has she been good today?" she asked.

"Oh, she's been great! She ate a pretty good lunch and played awhile. She's been asleep for a while now." explained Charlene, looking down at her watch for the time.

Pushing Bailey up her side, Meredith smiled a little. "Thanks, Charlene. I really appreciate it."

Charlene placed her hand upon Meredith's shoulder. "Anytime, Meredith. Anytime."

And with that, Charlene retreated her arm and walked away. Meredith looked around once more at the daycare, seeing all the individual moms and dads visiting with their kids. At that moment, Meredith remembered when her and Derek would come down at lunch and visit Zola. Derek would play with her, while Meredith sat on one of the beanbags. Lost in her memories, she was brought back by Bailey, who was tugging on her scrub top.

"Let's go exploring for a while, yeah?" asked Meredith.

Bailey clapped his hands and yelled something that very much sounded like "Yeah!" Meredith chuckled and headed back for the door. With Bailey on her side, she left the daycare and just began walking around, bouncing Bailey every now and then just to keep him interested. Passing room after room, rounding corner after corner, Meredith continued on, Bailey excited at all the movement. When she reached the OR board, she stopped to look and see if she had any other surgeries that day. _"Thank God."_ she thought, not seeing her name anywhere.

She began walking slowly onward, Bailey simply joyed with all the people passing, waving, and saying his name. But then, he turned to Meredith and asked her, "Mama, where daddy?"

Meredith stopped, coming upon the main nurses' station. She gazed around at the semi-circular desk, doctors approaching and leaving its counter. She turned her gaze towards the elevators, watching people get on and get off. And then, she noticed Alex rounding the corner, a chart held in his grasp, by his side. She began walking toward him, him reaching the nurses' station.

"Alex." said Meredith, drawing nearer and stopping in front of him.

Alex turned sideways to see who it was that called, tired as could be. He was groaning on the inside, sick of people wanting something today. He already had enough to deal with, with Brandon and his dad, with the sick baby up in the NICU. By this time, he just wanted to go home, be with Jo. But when he saw that it was Meredith who called after him, he breathed a sigh of internal relief.

"Hey Mer. Hey buddy!" exclaimed Alex.

Looking at Alex, Bailey clapped his hands. Alex smiled. But then…

"Dada!" Bailey exclaimed.

Meredith closed her eyes. She did not want to cry or tear up in front of Alex. Alex initially went into shock, his eyes widening and his mouth opening slightly. But then, he saw Meredith's face and knew that there was something more.

"What's up, Mer?" he asked.

She pushed Bailey up her side once more, trying to find words to speak. "Bailey's been asking me all day where Derek is, and I just don't what to say. I mean, he's only 2 years old. How do you explain that? And then, the daycare called me because he's been playing by himself today, saying "Where's daddy?" I honestly don't know what to do."

Meredith's pager went off. "Ugggh! Will you hold him for a sec, please?"

"Yeah sure." said Alex, putting down his pen and reaching out his arms, clapping his hands once together. Immediately, Bailey held his arms out. Meredith extended her hip, pushing up so that Alex could grab Bailey. Once her arm was free, she pulled out her pager to see who it was. Bringing it up to her gaze, her expression went grim. For indeed, the words that she read on the pager were "911—Maggie".

"911," sighed Meredith, placing her pager back on her waist and looking up to Alex.

"Go. Go deal with it. I'll take care of him. We'll have a good time, won't we, Bailey?" said Alex, looking toward Bailey with a smile.

Bailey clapped his hands. Meredith gave a quick smile, mouthed "Thank you", and reached up to kiss Bailey on the cheek. After that, Meredith took off down the hallway, fast as her feet could carry her.

Meredith extended her arms out towards the door. Slamming them on the wood, she pushed open the OR door and made her way in. She stopped dead in her tracks, looking at what was happening right in front of her. The monitor indicated V-fib, tachycardia. Maggie was scrambling, the intern clueless on what to do next.

Maggie looked up quickly to see Meredith standing by the door, mouth opened. "It ruptured. Her aneurysm ruptured!"

And as fast as she could, Meredith sprinted to the scrub room. And then… flatline.

* * *

Night had fallen over the city of Seattle. As street lamps came on, people made their way home from work or from eating out. The highway was nearing empty, and the sounds of the ambulance sirens could be heard for miles. Outside of Grey-Sloan Memorial, in the ambulance bay, stood Michael Cummings. Jacket zipped up (for it was chilly out tonight), the father and widowed husband quietly sobbed. Arms across his chest, he brought his right arm up, his fingers squeezing the bridge of his nose. Tears fell down in droves from his eyes.

Unbeknownst to him, Jo came out of the ER looking around for him. Hands in her pockets, she spotted him near the bench on the wall, back to her. She slowly and quietly crept up to him.

"Mr. Cummings?" she asked.

"What?!" he yelled, taking his fingers away from the bridge of his nose.

Jo startled. Michael's shoulders tensed up when he yelled. When he turned around and saw who it was that he yelled at, his shoulders relaxed and his arms came to down his side.

"I just wanted to let you know that you can see your wife now. I'll take you to where she is when you're ready to say goodbye." explained Jo, taking a step back.

No response. Michael stared down at the cold, black ground with his hands in his pockets. His eyes were red and puffy, looking as though they were about to burst once more. After a few seconds silence, Jo turned around to go back inside. Before she could reach the doors, however, Michael looked up.

"You're not married, are you?" he asked.

Jo stopped and turned around to face him. "Excuse me?"

"Because if you were married," he began, taking his right hand out of his pocket and placing it on his mouth, "you'd know that you can never be ready. Not for…," he stopped, his voice breaking now, "for the love of your life to leave you."

When he said this, he was staring down at the ground. Afterwards, he gazed back up at Jo, the wells in his eyes threatening to burst again. He took his hand off his mouth, sighed, and placed it back in his pocket.

"Rachel," he started, voice breaking again, "was the one for me. She loved me even when I pulled the "alpha male" crap. She always knew what to say to Brandon. She even knew about him being gay and helped me process it. She," he stopped, sniffling and wiping the tears that had now fallen from his eyes, "was my better half. She made me better. She helped me to see that Brandon was still our son. Without her now, I don't know what to do. I don't want to say to him. I know, now, that what I said earlier was completely wrong. I just," he bowed his head, crying. Michael remained like this for a few seconds and then looked up again. _(As familiar as we think change may be,)_

"You have a dream," he continued, hand stretched out, "a vision of what you want your life to be like. _(…as much as we like to think the fantasy will come true,)_ For me, Rachel and Brandon fulfilled that dream. I had the love of my life, and a son to share everything with about being a man. But now that he's gay, I—," he stopped, looking back to the ground, hands in pockets.

"You love him the way you and your wife have always loved him. Just because the dream changes, that doesn't mean that love changes. Your wife knew that. Your wife knew that no matter what happens, she has a family who loves her come what may. She knew that her family, her dream, would always be there." said Jo.

Michael stood silent. He stared at Jo for a moment longer and then looked to the ground, pondering over what she had just said. On one hand, she was right. The dream became reality, and although it's changed, the dream is still there. _(…change has a way of making us reexamine our perspective.)_ But then Michael thought about what his son said, what he did. My son is gay, he thought. But that shouldn't get in the way of the fact that he still has a son, that he's still alive, right?

Michael looked up once more, Jo still staring at him. The tears had ceased; his eyes were puffy. "Has Brandon seen her yet?"

Jo shook her head. "No, sir."

At this, Michael nodded and began to take steps closer to where Jo stood. When he stood at her shoulder, he glanced up and said, "Thank you. Thank you for making me see that. Can we see my wife now, please?"

Jo smiled and turned around. "Yes. Let's go." And with that, they walked off and back into the ER, to the bed where Brandon sat.

Looking up from his Ipod, Brandon saw his dad approach him. He was scared. He wasn't sure what he was going to do. He took out his earbuds and slowly scooted to the edge of the bed, just in case. Jo came by and stood at the table at the end of the bed, Michael walking further to where Brandon sat. He looked into his son's eyes, seeing the fear that he placed there, and it broke him. Trying not to cry again, he sniffed back the tears and spoke.

"Before we go see your mother, I want to tell you that I am so sorry Brandon. I am so sorry for freaking out and getting mad at you. For saying all those things to you. I know it won't be easy forgetting what I said, but know this: I love you. I have loved you since the day you were born, and I am glad that you are my son. _(It makes us see that what we have, we should cherish.)_ I don't care if you are gay; I'm just happy that you're alive." uttered Michael.

Michael finished. He looked down at the bed, hoping that Brandon could accept his apology. Silence reigned; Brandon stared at his father. Then, seeing that he was genuine, Brandon threw himself over the bed and into his father's arms. Hugging him tightly, Brandon uttered, "I love you, Dad."

His eyes welling up with tears again, Michael kissed the top of his son's head, saying, "I love you too."

Brandon wrapped his arms, if it were possible, tighter around his father. The two men stayed like this for a few minutes and then let go. Seeing Jo still standing there, Brandon looked at her and asked, "Hey, Dr. Wilson, did Kevin get out of surgery all right?"

Jo shook her head. "No, he didn't Brandon. He died."

Brandon looked as though he had been hit twice over. Ready to cry, he placed his hand over his mouth. But before he could cry out, a hand placed itself on his shoulder. Brandon turned to see that it was his dad this time, tears in his eyes.

"I know, buddy. I know." he said, bending over again to hug his son. Brandon threw his arms over his dad's neck, crying it out. After a few minutes, they broke the hug and Michael uttered, "Let's go see Mom."

With that, Brandon got up, and with his dad's help, they followed Jo to say goodbye.

Casey laid in the bed in the ICU, eyes closed. Meredith and Maggie stood at the end of the bed, watching and waiting. Brett sat on the edge of the bed, holding his wife's hand close to his heart, muttering, "Please wake up."

The vitals monitor continued to beep, indicating that her heart beat was normal. And then, her eyes began to open ever so slowly. At first, everything was so blurry. She could hardly make out the people standing around. She felt skin upon her skin, breath upon her fingers. As she opened her eyes more, things began to come clearer, and she soon saw the person who was holding her hand.

"Brett?" she said weakly.

She turned her head slowly to where she saw him sitting. Brett, at this point, had opened his eyes. Tears were now streaming down his cheeks, tiny gasps being drawn. Brett kissed Casey's hand ever so softly and then laid it gently down on the bed. He leaned in closer to Casey and uttered softly, "Hi."

Casey gave a faint smile. "Hi."

Brett turned to face Meredith and Maggie and chuckled, now beaming from ear to ear. He then turned back to his wife and said, "I thought I had lost you. You had me scared out of my mind. I love you so much, Casey. I don't ever want to be without you." _(It can make us see just how deep our love for someone really goes.)_

Tears continued to stream down Brett's face. He lowered himself gently down to Casey's face and planted a kiss upon her lips. His hand once again found hers, entwining his fingers with Casey's. Finally breaking the kiss, he leaned back up and turned toward Meredith.

"Thank you, Dr. Grey, for keeping your promise," he said, and then he turned toward Maggie and said, "And thank you, Dr. Pierce. Both of you saved not only my wife's but my life also, today."

Both doctors smiled and said, "You're welcome."

Brett turned back to Casey and pulled back a strand of her hair. Meanwhile, Meredith and Maggie exited the room. They reached the nurses' station, Maggie handing back the chart to the nurse while Meredith put her arm upon the counter, still staring at Brett and Casey.

"I still wish that was me, sitting on the edge of Derek's bed, just waiting for him to wake up. I still have dreams where I walk into that room and there is Derek, sitting up in bed, waiting for me." said Meredith.

Maggie gave her a sympathetic smile. The two continued to lean on the counter, watching the couple within the room. After a few minutes, Amelia came up beside Maggie and asked, "What's going on?"

"Our patient made it through surgery today. An abdominal aortic aneurysm." said Maggie.

"Wow. Wish I had your day," uttered Amelia, stepping back and leaning on the station, arms now crossed.

"Bad day?" asked Meredith, leaning over Maggie to look at Amelia.

"My patient, the mom from the car accident, died. She had a brain bleed, and I was just about to get it. And then…" Amelia paused.

Silence passed between the three women. Meredith and Maggie leaned on their elbows to watch Brett now lay beside Casey, brushing her hair back. Amelia leaned against the station on her back, staring at the floor. The three of them remained like this until Alex showed up, with Bailey on his side, Zola walking with his hand in hers.

Looking at the three women, Alex then said, "What's up with you three?"

"Oh, we're just thinking about how crappy but how good this day has been," said Meredith, looking over to Alex and seeing her kids, confused. "Where's Ellis?"

"Jo's got her. Why don't you three go out or something? It looks like you guys need it. I can watch the kids for you." replied Alex.

Meredith, Maggie, and Amelia all looked at each other, as if this idea wasn't half-bad. Looking to the other two, she nodded her consent and then walked over to pick up Zola.

"How was your day, sweetie?" asked Meredith.

"It was great, Mama. I had lots of fun at preschool." replied Zola.

Meredith laughed and kissed Zola on the cheek. "Well, I'm glad. Will you be good for Uncle Alex while Mommy goes and has fun with Aunt Maggie and Aunt Amelia?"

Zola nodded. Meredith smiled and hugged her daughter. "That's my girl."

She set Zola down and went over to get Bailey from Alex. Holding out her arms, Alex held out Bailey for her to grab. With a smile on his face, Bailey went to Meredith, saying, "Mama."

"Hey baby," uttered Meredith, turning him around and then saying to Alex, "Was he okay with you?"

"Yeah," Alex shrugged. "I mean, he didn't call me "Daddy" again, or whatever."

"Good, good," said Meredith, kissing Bailey on the side of the head. She then turned around and saw Brett and Casey once more. Brett had fallen asleep next to Casey, their entwined hands resting upon her chest. Meredith's mind flashed back to this morning's dream, of her and Derek in bed, in pure bliss. Oh, how she wanted that! But she knew it would never happen again. Averting her gaze, she looked to Amelia and Maggie and uttered, "Well, let's go out."

Maggie and Amelia nodded and stood straight up. Amelia picked up Zola and walked alongside Maggie to the end of the hall. Meredith stole one more glance at Brett and Casey, wondering if she would ever have that again. Or, for that matter, if she would ever _want_ that again.

"You okay, Mer?" asked Alex, who was standing beside her, looking into the window as well.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just wondering," she said, glancing up at Alex and then turning away from the window. They both began walking down the hallway, Meredith with her hand on Bailey's back, as they rounded the corner.

Dance music blared from all around the room. Meredith, Maggie, and Amelia were all in the center of the dance floor, letting every care they had wash away. _(And change can help you realize,)_ However, the song ended, and a new one began, one for which neither one of them cared to dance too. They made their way to the bar, each sitting on a stool, out of the breath.

"What'll it be, ladies?" asked the bartender as he came up to them behind the bar.

"Tequila." all three sang in unison.

The bartender laughed. He laid out three shot glasses and poured the liquid into each one. Simultaneously, the three women downed the liquid and placed the glasses back on the table.

"I'm gonna head back out to the dance floor! Coming, you two?!" yelled Amelia from behind her shoulder.

"Right behind you!" yelled Maggie in reply.

Meredith chuckled at her sisters. She turned back to the bar, a little too tired of dancing now. But oh what a relief this was, she thought. _(…that although it causes pain,)_ As Meredith pondered on everything that had happened today and recently, the bartender came back over to her and poured another shot glass of tequila for her. She looked at him and the glass, confused.

"I didn't order another shot." she said with a quizzical look. _(…it can also help…)_

"No," began the bartender, now pointing down the bar at something, "but he did."

The confused look grew upon Meredith's face. She looked over to where the bartender had pointed, and her eyes grew very wide. For indeed, the very thing that the bartender pointed to was a man. But this wasn't just any man. For when Meredith turned to look in the direction that the bartender had pointed, the man on the other end turned also, making Meredith's heart skip a beat.

"Eric?" asked Meredith.

The man that was two stools down smiled great big. He stood up from his stool and walked down the bar, passing the two stools between him and Meredith, and coming to sit on the stool next to Meredith.

"Hi Meredith. It's great to see you again." he uttered.

Hand still on the shot glass, Meredith's jaw simply dropped. Her eyes grew wide, and her heart continued to beat rapidly. _(…pick us back up.")_

_ **Grey's Anatomy_**


	3. Search Me

**A/N: Hey everyone! Here is another chapter. Warning, though: this one is quite long. And as usual, Meredith's voice-over is in italics and in parentheses. I hope you guys enjoy this. I know I did writing it. So read, review, comment, send questions.**

 **BTW, who else teared up at S12xE05 "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?"**

Ch. 3

"Search Me"

The music in the club continued to blare loudly. People danced and moved to the rhythm of the song. Maggie and Amelia stood in the center of the dance floor, dancing with two strange guys, not really caring. Amelia had her hands up over her head, the guy beside her with his hands on her hips. Maggie meanwhile was more reserved in her dancing. Keeping her arms close to her body, she snapped her fingers to the rhythm of the song and gazed frequently at her dance partner. At some point, Amelia let out a "Whoo-ahhh!" followed by people throwing their hands up into the air.

Meanwhile, over at the bar, Meredith sat on the stool, hand on the glass, mouth dropped and staring. Staring at the guy in front of her, sitting on the stool right beside her, with his ocean blue eyes staring back at her. Her heart continued to beat rapidly as if it were about to jump out of her chest. The guy named Eric began to grow concerned over Meredith's staring, bobbing his head sideways, trying to catch her eye.

"Meredith?" began Eric, moving his eyes right and left to try and catch her gaze, "Meredith, are you all right?"

Meredith couldn't hear Eric's voice. _("As a med student in gross anatomy class, I thought I knew and understood the human system quite well.)_ She was lost in her thoughts, thinking back to the days of medical school. _(Every organ, every piece of tissue, every function…)_ Thinking back to when she had met Eric. Thinking back to that one particular night that almost made her not go to Seattle Grace Hospital. As the memories swirled, the present began to fill her mind once more. _(...it all became so familiar, so predictable, to me.)_ Thoughts of Derek began to crop up in her mind, a tear falling slowly down her cheek. At this, Eric then violently waved his hand in front of her face, yelling, "Meredith!"

Meredith shook herself out of her reverie. _(There was nothing about the human body that could surprise me.)_ She was now staring at the shelves behind the counter filled with various forms of liquor. "Oh how I wish I could down every one of these right now!" she thought. She turned her gaze from the shelves and back to Eric, who now had on a small smile.

"Hey," he began, happy that she wasn't staring into space any longer, "you okay? You sorta zoned out there for a minute."

Meredith clasped the glass on the table tighter, if that was even possible. She looked down at the surface of the table, seeing the contents of the glass swirl around. As the thoughts hurled back into the recesses of her mind, she put on a straight face, looked back up to Eric, and said, "Yeah. I'm good," with a small smile across her mouth, "What are you doing here, in Seattle? I thought you had gone to do "doctors without borders" or whatever?"

With his back having been straight for the past couple of minutes, Eric relaxed his muscles, his shoulders crouching, his posture slacking off. He heaved a great sigh, and then said, "Yeah, well, it was great for a while. I mean, I got to help a lot of people, experience medicine like I never have before, and just think about a lot of things from the past."

Hand still clutched to the glass, Meredith sat up and uttered, "So, what made you come home to the States? Here?"

Straightening up, Eric replied, "I guess I was a little homesick. I missed being in a hospital, missed the feel of being in an OR. As far as coming here, to Seattle, I remembered that you took the residency at Seattle Grace, and I saw that they were hiring for a new neurosurgeon, so I called and I got the job. I'm not gonna pretend or lie that this wasn't about you. I missed you, Meredith. I –," stopped Eric, reaching forward and taking Meredith's hand away from the glass, holding it, "I missed what we had, what we were together."

 _(But the human system is constantly changing.)_ If Meredith's eyes were wide before, they were now bulging out of their eye sockets. Her heart beat rapidly against her chest, feeling Eric's hand upon hers. She stammered for words, looking around wildly. Her eyes grazed over the group of dancers, trying to spot Maggie and Amelia, to see if they were ready to go. She then looked back to Eric, who was smiling, and then it hit her. The dream she had the other night, wanting to be close to Derek, soon pervaded her mind. At this, she pulled away her hand from Eric's _(Constantly evolving.)_ , too much confusion and puzzlement.

Eric jerked his head up to her, and she said, "A lot has changed, Eric." _(The system that you knew 6 months ago, a few minutes ago, even just a second ago, is gone.)_

Eric laughed. "Like what? You're still the same Meredith who comes to a bar, dances, and drinks tequila. Name one thing that has changed about you."

Meredith was at a loss for words. She didn't know how to say that she had been married. _(Something changed.)_ She didn't know how to say that she has kids. She didn't know how to say that she was now a widow, that the love of her life was taken from her. She didn't know how to say that that love of her life was the one who had changed her. _(Something incredible, someone extraordinary, something mysterious can change a human system in the blink of the eye.)_

Meredith stared at Eric for a moment longer. Then, she looked away and grabbed the glass. Downing the contents within, she slammed it back down and stood up from the stool. She began walking away towards the crowd, in the direction of where Maggie and Amelia were. Meredith stopped abruptly, words finally coming to her. She turned back around to face Eric, who had turned back to the bar looking glum.

"There isn't just one thing that has changed me, Eric. In fact, it's four people. My husband and kids." uttered Meredith.

Now it was Eric's turn for his eyes to bulge out. _(But oftentimes…)_ He coughed, choking on the drink that was in his hand. Meredith retreated back a little ways to help Eric get his breathing stabilized. Once he cleared his throat, he turned back around to look Meredith straight in the eyes. He chuckled, hoping that she was just joking, just playing with him like she always did. _(…the thing that changes is often ignored, pushed out of the light of reality, to be covered by the perception that everything is the same.)_

"You're kidding, right? You're just telling me a sick joke as a way of playing hard to get?" asked Eric. _(That the human body we've always known, always had down to a tee, is still there, just as we learned it from the beginning.)_

Meredith closed her eyes at this. She wished that she hadn't come out. Why did she come out? Tonight? When she could be at home with Zola, Bailey, and Ellis? She opened her eyes once more and stared directly at Eric, giving him the sad eyes and the sad expression. _(But when that change is finally revealed…)_ When Eric saw that she wasn't playing, he lowered his head. He felt dejected, disappointed. _(…one of two things can happen.)_ All those years, away, and look where everything is now. His hands now on his knees, he looked back up to Meredith.

"Where is he? Your husband? Is he good to you? Does he love you?" said Eric softly. _(We either begin to question the change, trying to make sense of everything…)_

At this, Meredith was on the verge of breaking. Tears were beginning to form in her eyes, nearing "sob" status. One tear broke from the pool at the bottom of her eye and began falling down her cheek. Immediately, Meredith held up her small purse and took out the money she needed to pay. She hurried over to where she sat and placed the money on the table. Turning to Eric, she uttered, "It was great to see you, Eric. But I—I have to go." _(…or,)_

"But—," Eric started.

However, Meredith already fled from the bar and back into the crowd. As she wiped away the forthcoming tears, she searched for Maggie and Amelia. Pushing past people, squeezing through couples, she finally came to the center of the floor. And there dancing was Maggie and Amelia.

Approaching them, she said, "Let's go! I've had enough for tonight."

Maggie turned to see Meredith and stopped dancing. As she noticed the puffy eyes and the damp cheeks, she began to grow concerned. "Hey, you okay, Meredith?"

At this time, Amelia began to slow down, noticing Meredith standing next to her. She too noticed the puffy eyes and the sad demeanor. "What's up?" she asked.

"Nothing. Can we just get of here, please?" asked Meredith, doing everything she could to avoid eye contact. She turned away from the other two and began walking away. Amelia and Maggie stared at each other for a second, knowing good and well that something was up with Meredith. They then followed her out, Meredith in the driver's seat, the least drunk.

Meredith opened her bedroom door and walked in. Closing it softly, she turned around and leaned up against the hard, cold wood. She still couldn't believe she went. She still couldn't believe that Eric was here in Seattle. Her mind began wandering over the whole conversation at the bar, while her eyes surveyed the bedroom. Clothes piled upon clothes; baby toys scattered everywhere; the covers of the bed at the end of it. But there was one thing that caught Meredith's eye, one thing that stood out from the rest of it. It stood on her nightstand, near her lamp and clock. She pushed herself off of the door and carried herself over to her nightstand. As she grew closer, the contents of the picture grew clearer. It was a picture of Derek, in his fisherman's outfit, holding up a trout. He smiled his McDreamy smile. _(…we are reminded of how good our previous perception of things was and…)_

Meredith picked up the picture and gazed at it for a moment. And then, she let go. Nothing could stop her from holding it in. It had to be let out. Meredith began sobbing, slowly backing up to the bed, and gently sitting down upon it. She lowered the picture to her lap and covered her mouth with her hand. Looking back down to the picture, she held it up and brought it close to her. Meredith slowly laid down on the bed, head hitting her pillow, picture of Derek hugging her chest. She laid like this until she finally cried herself to sleep. _(…are completely devastated by it.)_

_ **Grey's Anatomy** _

The sun broke the Seattle horizon, beginning its daily ascent. People headed off to work, as others were just beginning to wake up. As the sun invaded the apartment, flooding the carpet floor of the small bedroom in its light, two people could be heard from up above in the bed. One was a girl, giggling, and the other was a man, growling and grunting. The girl lay on the bed, while the guy was on top, both with the covers over them. Suddenly, the guy yelled out, panting heavily, and then collapsed upon the girl. His breathing returning to normal, he rolled off the girl and snuggled in at her side. He brought his arm over her stomach and nudged the small of her neck with his nose.

"That was…" he began, kissing various parts of her neck and shoulder, finally coming up to her face and smiling.

"Incredible," replied the girl, beaming widely, staring into the guy's eyes and then reaching up to kiss him.

The couple remained like this for a few minutes, their tongues traveling into each other's mouths. Finally, the guy broke the kiss and leaned back, pulling back strands of the girl's hair.

"I love you, Megan. I know we've only been going out for just a few months, but when you know, you know, right?" said the guy.

Megan smiled. She entwined her fingers with the guys and uttered, "Yeah. I feel the same way. I love you too, Zack."

Zack squeezed Megan's hand. He leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. No tongue. Pulling away, he smiled once more and uttered, "I feel like we've known each other our whole lives, you know? That no matter where you've been, or I, we've just known about each other."

"That's so beautiful, Zack." said Megan, tearing up, reaching up to wipe it away.

Zack watched Megan do this. She looked so beautiful, he thought. How could a guy like him ever get a girl like her? Never in his life had he had anyone that he loved this much. Okay, excluding his parents. But never anyone that he felt so strongly for. Never anyone that he could be himself. Never anyone who he felt he knew everything about, and vice versa.

As Zack and Megan laid there in bed, hands entwined, sunlight pouring in, Zack suddenly felt something come to his lips. Something that he knew he had to get out. Something that could not be held in.

"Will you marry me, Megan?" he suddenly asked.

Megan's eyes grew. A shocked look etched itself upon her countenance. She stammered for words, mouth opened, nothing able to come out. Her eyes shifted downward to Zack's hairy chest, thoughts and questions running rampant in her mind. _"What do I say? What do I do? Am I even ready for marriage?"_ But then, with all the confidence in the world, Megan looked back up. It's as if asking that particular question was all she needed. For indeed, she couldn't think of any other way her life would be, or could be, for that matter. She loved Zack, with all of her heart.

Staring directly into his eyes, Megan uttered, with a beam of a smile, "Yes."

Zack, in turn, beamed wildly. He let go of Megan's hand, untwining their fingers, and placed both hands upon the side of her face. Leaning in, Zack gave Megan the most passionate, powerful kiss he had ever given her. All of a sudden, a sharp pain pierced his chest. Pulling away, Zack grabbed at his chest and grunted "Hmpf."

The smile faded from Megan's face. "Zack, what's wrong?"

Zack shook it off. It's nothing, he thought. It wouldn't happen. Not now. His hand dropped to his side, and he gazed at Megan, putting on a front.

"Nothing. Everything's good, babe." he uttered.

But when he leaned in to give her another kiss, another sharp pain pierced his chest in the same spot. He grabbed his chest once more and began throwing the covers off of him. Zack threw his legs over the bed and reached for his underwear. He pulled them up and lifted slightly to get them on fully. He grabbed his chest once more and began to stand up. Walking slowly to the front of the bed, he began to feel dizzy.

"Megan," he began, his body leaning forward slightly, his voice soft, "call 911."

And with that, Zack lost consciousness and fell forward, the only thing he heard being the shrill cry of Megan going "Zack!"

The sun continued its ascent. It pierced the land far and wide, illuminating houses and cars, shining light upon massive buildings, and uncovering playground blacktops. As the sun moved in Alex and Jo's apartment, the two doctors were found cuddling each other, naked, at each other's tongues. Alex moved down from Jo's lips to her neck. Kiss after kiss he laid them upon her. But Jo simply laid there, staring at the ceiling, a serious look on her face.

Alex came back up to her face, kissing her cheeks, her jawbone, and her lips again. When he opened his eyes however and noticed that she wasn't reciprocating, Alex stopped and laid back into the pillow.

"Hey, what's up? Why aren't you enjoying this as much as I am?" he asked.

Jo stared at the ceiling, a straight face upon her. It was clear that something was on her mind. But the thing that she was thinking about wasn't exactly something Alex would find to scintillating a conversation. Nevertheless, Jo turned her head to face Alex, her right hand resting upon her chest.

Jo opened her mouth, ready to say something. "I—," she began, looking into Alex's eyes and noticing the slight annoyance of having stopped kissing.

"Forget it. It's nothing." she uttered, throwing the covers off of her and shifting her leg to the edge of the bed. Before she could lift herself up from the pillow, however, Alex grabbed her arm and pulled her back down, a concerned look on his countenance.

"Hey. If it takes that long to say it, then it is something. What's bothering you?" he asked, caressing her shoulder and then a strand of her hair that was hanging away from the rest.

Jo leaned back into the bed. Her leg still dangled off the edge, covers still folded over. She looked over to the floor, contemplating. Should she tell him? Should she ask? They have been together for quite a while now, she thought. It's time that she knew.

Gaining her resolve, Jo turned back to Alex who was lying in wait for an answer. The look of annoyance that was previously on his face was one of concern now. His right hand laid beside him, propping himself up on the mattress. Both elbows holding her up, Jo exhaled greatly.

"We've been together for quite a while now, Alex. I know you, and you know me. You know everything there is about my past, my lack of a childhood. I know about your dad, some about your childhood. But, Alex, I still feel like I don't know you. I still feel like there is something you're keeping hidden." explained Jo.

Up to this point, Alex nodded his understanding. He smiled at various points and touched Jo's hand in others. But now, a confused look etched itself upon his face. As far as Jo was concerned, there was nothing else. Nothing important that she needed to know. Alex held his hand palm up as if to say "Like what?"

"Jo, you know everything about me. What else would I—," he said.

"Your mother, Alex. You've never told me about your mother." interrupted Jo, looking Alex full in the face, head turned all the way sideways.

Alex was taken aback. He had never told anyone, except Mer, about his mother. She, and what she did to him, Aaron, and Amber, was part of a past that was quite dark. As Alex's mind sifted through memories, the expression on his face turned from one of concern to one of anger. Why should Jo bring this up? Why does she want to know about his mother? What good could possibly come from him telling her that part of his past? Alex continued to stare at Jo, her face indicating that she was ready for an answer. But instead, she received…

"No," said Alex emphatically, throwing off the covers to reveal his body, swinging his legs over the side.

"But Alex—," started Jo, inching a little to the center of the bed, resting her hand on the bed as if she was reaching for Alex.

Alex grabbed his underwear and pulled them on. He stood up and stretched and then turned back around to face Jo. She leaned in to the center of the bed, her palm facing up on the mattress, her eyes making direct contact with Alex.

Looking down at Jo once more, Alex uttered more strongly, "No. I'm going to take a shower."

And with that, Alex walked away from the bedroom and into the bathroom. As he reached the doorknob to close the door, his head turned a little so he could see Jo still laying on the bed. Her face now had the annoyed, "I'm gonna find out" look upon it. But Alex did not care. He knew that she would not find out about his mother, nor know where to begin. He turned his head back, walked in fully to the bathroom, and shut the door.

Amelia rounded the corner of a hallway, shuffling her feet. Gazing down the long corridor, with empty beds, stacks of supplies up against the wall, and nurses filing about, she moaned internally. If only her feet could just lift up from the ground, then she could float all the way to the double doors leading to the lobby down on the other end. She began to pick her feet up a little bit, walking down the hallway just a bit faster. She nodded at some of the nurses who she knew, giving them a small smile and a nod. With her hands in her lab pockets, she then pulled out a hair band to put her hair up. She lifted her arms, elbows sticking out, bunching her hair together. As she did this, she failed to notice that someone had quietly come up beside her.

"Hey. You okay? You don't look quite well." said Owen, who was walking alongside Amelia and holding a coffee cup in his hand.

Amelia startled. Her elbows jumping, Owen suddenly moved to the side so as not to get hit by her elbow, his eyes widening. Amelia finished putting her hair up in a ponytail and put her hands back inside her pockets.

"I'm fine, all right. I just—had a little too much tequila last night, that's all. I feel kinda sluggish today." she replied.

"Here," started Owen, holding out the coffee cup that was in his hand. Amelia stopped and looked down at the cup, confused. What was he doing, she thought? Why was he giving her his coffee?

"No thanks. I'm good. Besides, that's yours."

"No," said Owen emphatically, holding the coffee out even more, "I got this for you. Anyways, it looks like you need it badly." he chuckled.

Amelia chuckled at that as well. Yes indeed, she did need the coffee. If she was to do her job today, and to do it well. Amelia reached out and took the coffee from Owen who then returned his hands to his lab pockets. They then returned to walking slowly down the corridor to the double doors. As Amelia sipped the coffee, reveling in its warmth, Owen stared at the floor, trying to build up enough courage to say what it was he wanted to say. A few minutes passed and the double doors were growing closer. Owen began to internally panic. He looked over to Amelia, sipping her coffee, smiling at how cute she looked. Finally, words came just in time.

"Do you want to go out to dinner with me tonight?" he asked, abruptly stopping and turning to face Amelia.

Amelia's hand tipped further on the end of the cup than she would've liked, sending hot liquid down her throat and making her arch down, gasping for breath. When her mouth finally cooled from the air, she stood back up and turned to stare at Owen. She was speechless. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out but a slight squeal.

"I—what did you—repeat that please." she finally got out.

Owen simply smiled and chuckled, hands still in pockets. "Would you," he began, closing in on the space between them, "like to go out with me tonight?"

Amelia gripped the coffee tight this time. What did she say? How does she respond? Her eyes darted everywhere around the hallway searching, as if the answer was laying there in plain sight. She then noticed Owen still staring and looked back up.

"Why?" was all she could say.

"Because I like you, Amelia. I want to know you, every part of you. I want to see where this," he pointed his right index finger out of his pocket back and forth between the two of them, "goes. You make me feel something that I haven't felt for a while."

Amelia stood there, no words or thoughts of words breaching the surface of her mind. But deep down, she knew she felt the same way. Owen brought something out of her as well, something that she had with James. Now, while Owen would not know about James for a long while, she did want him to know about many other things.

Amelia looked away quickly, thinking of what to say. Then, staring into Owen's eyes, she uttered, "Yes, I'd love to go out with you tonight."

At this, Owen beamed greatly. Amelia reciprocated, and the two resumed what was now a short walk to the double doors. Owen sped forward and pushed open one of the doors for Amelia, smiling at her as she walked through.

Entering the lobby, they both noticed that the entire staff was gathered around the nurses' station and in huddles, all gazing up at someone on the stairs. Owen went to join April who was standing near the back, ready to get back to the ER, while Amelia went to join Meredith and Alex, who were standing by the counter of the nurses' station. Looking up to where everyone was, Amelia noticed Richard standing on the stairs, a dress shirt, v-neck sweater, and slacks on underneath his white coat. Down below him stood a tall, handsome, brown-haired man that Amelia had never seen before in the hospital but was now intrigued.

"Thank you all for coming to this impromptu meeting this morning. It is great to be back as your Chief of Surgery. Now, I would like to introduce to you another member of the cardiothoracic department: Dr. Eric Paxton!"

Applause erupted around the lobby, Eric simply waving gently and nodding. Having put down her coffee, clapping along, Amelia then noticed Meredith only half-heartedly clapping. She bore a sad look upon her face, her eyes somewhat puffy and red. Amelia craned her neck to see Meredith's face better. What was bothering her? Why was she sad all of a sudden last night?

Meredith took notice of Amelia staring and turned to face her. "What?" she asked, a little annoyed.

"Nothing," said Amelia, shrugging her shoulders. "It's just...," she paused, Meredith continuing to stare at her.

Richard continued on with his introduction of Eric. Many people began to chatter excitedly as Richard announced that Eric had been a "doctor without borders". But as Dr. Webber moved on, Meredith and Amelia simply continued to stare at each other, Amelia unsure of what to say. When Meredith shrugged her shoulders, waiting for an answer, Amelia uttered, "Nothing. It's nothing."

At the same time, Richard finished and the crowd began to disperse, returning to work. Amelia picked up her coffee from the counter and left to find Stephanie for her case today. Meanwhile, with a chart in her hand, Meredith approached the counter of the nurses' station, Alex now beside her.

"Hey, you sure you're alright? I mean, you weren't exactly enthused about the new guy's arrival." explained Alex who had one hand on the white surface.

Meredith opened the chart and took out her pen. Gazing up at Alex, she replied, "I'm fine, Alex."

Alex simply nodded. For he knew Meredith well enough now to know that when she said she was "fine", that meant she simply didn't want to talk. Muttering "Ok. See you later", Alex walked away from the station to the Peds floor. As soon as he left, Meredith went back to going over the case in front of her. Then, Maggie came up beside her, just clasping her watch onto her wrist.

"Hey. Did I miss anything important at the meeting?" asked Maggie.

Meredith looked up from the chart. "No. Just some new guy starting in Cardio."

"Oh." uttered Maggie.

 _Beep-beep-beep. Beep-beep-beep._ Maggie grabbed her pager from the tip of her pocket. Holding it up to her eye line, she saw the words "ER—Incoming Cardio!"

"Incoming in the pit. Gotta go. See you later?" asked Maggie, staring Meredith in the face.

"Yeah." uttered Meredith.

And with that, Maggie ran to the elevators and began punching the down button. While Meredith watched Maggie get on the elevator and then go back to the chart, Eric stood up at the stairs, shaking people hands, looking over to where Meredith was. He saw her sadness, and he wanted to know why she left the bar so suddenly last night. Prying himself away, promising to assist on a surgery, Eric began to make his way over to where Meredith stood. But before he could reach her, somebody else already did.

"Dr. Grey?" called the person.

Meredith looked up once more and noticed that it was Dr. Andrew DeLuca. "Yes, DeLuca?"

"I'm on your service today, so, whenever you're ready." said Andrew.

As Meredith stared at Andrew, her gaze wondered over to where Eric was walking over. Not wanting to talk, Meredith quickly closed the chart and held it down to her side. She turned her body to face Andrew and said, "Well, in that case, let's go."

Meredith turned away from Andrew and began walking away towards the hallway. Eager to be on a case, Andrew followed after her, grinning. Back at the nurses' station, though, Eric had reached where Meredith stood, simply watching as doctor and intern rounded the corner, a disappointed look etched on his face.

Meredith and Andrew rounded corner after corner. Meredith held the chart securely in her hand, walking in great strides to her destination. Andrew, still excited to be on a surgical case, had trouble keeping up, almost fast-walking just to stay behind Meredith. Suddenly, Meredith stopped and looked into a window, Andrew almost bowling her over. Meredith took a deep breath, clearing everything that she was thinking, feeling, from her mind. She had no time to think about Eric or Derek. All she wanted was to save a life. Bracing her shoulders, she turned to Andrew and held the chart out to him.

"Here. Read up quick." said Meredith.

Andrew grabbed the chart and flipped it open. His eyes glued themselves to the pages beneath, his mind absorbing as much information as possible. Meredith turned away and walked into the patient's room, Andrew right behind her still reading.

"Good morning, Carla! How are we doing?" she asked.

As Meredith entered and approached the bed, a middle-aged woman who had brown, curly hair was sitting up in the bed, wearing one of the hospital's gowns, reading a magazine that was on her lap. Over in the chair next to the bed, a man was texting on his cell phone, his leg crossed over the other, looking somewhat tired and annoyed. As Meredith stopped at the edge of the bed, the woman closed the magazine and laid it on the table in front of her. The man, begrudgingly, put away his cell phone and walked over to the bed.

"Hi, Dr. Grey. I feel ready to get this over and done with. It's been a long journey, and we're both," said Carla, reaching out to grab the man's hand that was resting upon the bed, "ready for it to be over. Right, Peter?" she turned her face towards the man standing by the edge.

"Right," uttered Peter somewhat tersely.

Carla gave Peter a funny look. Peter simply looked away at Meredith, hoping that she would move on. Meredith gazed strangely at the two for a moment, but then motioned for Andrew to come by her side. With the chart by his side now, Andrew obeyed.

"Dr. DeLuca, will you please present the case now?" she asked, placing her hands in the pockets of her white coat.

"Uh—um, sure." replied Andrew.

He lifted up the chart and flipped it open. Glancing at it for a moment, he searched for the words to start. Once on his tongue, he lowered the chart and opened his mouth.

"Carla Schiffer, 52, has stage 3 colorectal cancer. She is here today to have a resection of the tumor done and to make sure that it has not spread anyplace else." explained Andrew.

"Thank you, Dr. DeLuca," said Meredith, nodding her approval and turning back to Carla. "We are going to take you to the pre—,"began Meredith.

A ringtone went off at that moment. Panicked, Peter turned around and searched for his phone. When it was not on the side table, he began feeling his pockets. Carla sighed and shook her head. It was probably work again, she thought. It seemed as though Peter was always running off to work these days. As Carla pondered this, Peter found his phone and pulled it out, hitting the accept button, quickly uttering, "Sorry. Work. I'll be right back." He leaned down and kissed Carla on the cheek and then quickly made his exit, the phone now to his ear.

Meredith, Andrew, and Carla all looked at the door where Peter had exited. After a few seconds, Meredith shook her head and turned back to Carla. "As I was saying, Carla, we are going to take you up to pre-op soon, but first we'll need to get your blood drawn. All right?"

Carla smiled. "All right, Dr. Grey."

Meredith smiled in return and touched Carla's hand. She gave it a quick squeeze of assurance and then turned around, beginning to walk to the door. Andrew closed the chart and quickly gave a nod to Carla. He rushed to follow Meredith out of the room, only to once more nearly knocking her down.

"Geez, DeLuca!" exclaimed Meredith, brushing herself off and straightening her jacket.

Andrew took a few steps back and straightened himself up. He then stared at Meredith for instructions. "What now?"

"Go get her blood drawn, and book the OR. Page me when you get her results." instructed Meredith.

Andrew nodded his understanding, and with that, Meredith left the same way she came. Andrew stared after her, taking a deep breath, and walking over to the small nurses' station. He handed the chart over to the nurse and headed off in the opposite direction. Rounding the immediate corner of off the station, he spotted Peter Schiffer hunched over a crash cart, talking in hushed tones. Andrew slowly backed up, as not to scare him, back behind the corner, listening intently.

"No! Don't do that! We've talked about this. We said that we were going to wait until the cancer was gone. Please, baby, just wait until we know something." uttered Peter.

There was silence for a few minutes. Andrew watched Mr. Schiffer's body language as it went from all tense, legs stiff, shoulders arched back, to shoulders relaxing, legs unstiffening. He heard a sigh of relief, and then something that made him completely disgusted with the man.

"Thank you, Danielle. I love you. Bye." he said and then pressed the 'End Call' button.

Peter let out another sigh of relief and muttered, "That was close". He turned around, Andrew hiding more behind the corner so as not to be seen. With his phone held tightly in his hand, Peter made his way back to the room. As soon as Andrew saw his back, he turned around just in time to see the man enter the room, walk over to the bed, and lean down to give Carla a kiss. Andrew shook his head, fuming mad and wanting to deck the guy so hard. Straightening up, he walked down the hall and out of sight.

The sound of the sirens filled the air of the ambulance bay. Maggie stood waiting in one of the cream ER gowns. As she stood still, her mind couldn't help but go to Meredith and the night before. What was wrong with her? She was having a great time at first, and then all of a sudden, she wanted to leave. And the crying? While her room may be down the hall from Meredith's, she could still hear the faint sounds of sobbing resonating through the walls. Something was going on, she knew. But were her and Meredith that close yet to tell each other what was wrong?

With her hands down by her side, she turned her head to the side, just in time to see the rig coming around the corner, siren blaring. Red and blue lights flashed before Maggie's eyes, and the thoughts of Meredith were quickly pushed to the back of her mind. She closed her eyes, clearing her mind of all thoughts. She was ready. She was willing. She was capable of saving lives today.

When the siren ceased and footsteps met with the concrete, Maggie's eyes flew open. Suddenly, there was someone standing beside her, on her right, in another cream-colored ER gown. She turned her head to find that it was the intern Dr. Isaac Cross.

"About time you showed up. I paged you five minutes ago." said Maggie.

"Sorry," said Cross with a sympathetic look on his face, "I was—,"

Holding up a hand, Maggie interjected, "Never mind. Let's go."

And with that, Maggie half-jogged, half-walked up to the ambulance rig and the paramedic coming to meet her. "What do we got?" she called out.

The paramedic came to a stop in front of the doors. He swung them open one-by-one, revealing his partner in the back squeezing the Ambu bag with one hand and holding onto the side with the other. The other paramedic began pulling the gurney out, his partner coming to his assistance. As the other paramedic jumped out of the rig, he yelled, "Zack Bennett, 26, collapsed on his bedroom floor after complaining of severe chest pains! He is tachycardic in the 140s, and his pulse is rapid!"

Maggie rushed to the right side of the gurney while Isaac rushed to the left where the paramedic holding the Ambu bag was standing. Isaac took the bag from the paramedic and began mimicking his rhythm. Meanwhile, Maggie leaned over the gurney, the earbuds of her stethoscope in and the other end in her hand. She placed the chestpiece over the place where Zack's heart lay underneath and listened intently. With each passing beat, Maggie's face grew grimmer.

Having listened, Maggie popped the earbuds out and swung the stethoscope over her neck. She placed her hands upon the rail of the gurney and yelled once more, "Let's go!"

"Wait!" called someone from inside the rig.

Maggie stopped, about to take off back inside the ER to get to work. She turned around in the direction of the voice and saw a brown-haired girl climb down from the rig. Her face was damp from crying, tears still falling from her eyes. She rushed to Maggie and grabbed hold of her arm, leaning in.

"Please! Please let me go in with you. He's my fiancé." said Megan, her voice breaking.

Maggie was confused, squinting her eyes together and looking directly at Megan. "Um—who are you, ma'am?"

"I'm Megan Price, Zack's fiancé. We had just finished having sex, and Zack," her voice broke further, tears coming down rapidly, "just proposed to me when he felt the chest pain. What is happening to him?"

"Um—," uttered Maggie, unsure of what to do. She continued to stare at Megan while her mind quickly searched for a solution. She needed to hurry. She needed to get an ultrasound to confirm what she heard in the beats. Maggie quickly turned to Dr. Cross, whose face was expressionless. Realizing that he was of no help, she turned back to Megan, who now had on the saddest look that Maggie couldn't have ignored.

"Okay, you can come in to the trauma room. But stay on the wall, you hear?" commanded Maggie.

A smile through the tears, Megan nodded vigorously. She let go of Maggie's arm, free for her to now strut fast into the ER and into a trauma room. As the nurses rushed in and began hooking Zack up to the monitor, Maggie began yelling out different types of drugs to administer and their dosage. A nurse took over the Ambu bag from Isaac, leaving Isaac to step back and watch. Megan stayed in the corner of the room, tears still falling, and watched as they hooked Zack up to the monitor.

Maggie turned her head around and looked directly at Isaac. "Cross! Run and get me a portable ultrasound! Quick!"

Isaac ran from the room, as fast as his feet could carry him. When he was out of Maggie's sight, she turned back to the gurney, looking at Zack's face with the oxygen mask still on. Maggie then gazed up to the heart monitor, noticing that his BP was holding steady in the 140s. But for how long, she wondered? She grabbed her stethoscope from her neck and placed the earbuds back in. Leaning over the gurney, she listened intently to the sound of the heartbeats. But she was soon distracted, unable to concentrate.

Looking around the room, trying to find the noise, her eyes finally landed upon Megan in the corner. She was sobbing, tears flowing freely down her face. She was also hyperventilating a little but not enough for cause for concern. Maggie sighed and stood upright again, allowing her stethoscope to hang freely down her feet.

"Megan, I allowed you to come in here. But you're going to have to calm down. I can't hear what I need to hear when you're sobbing. So nurse," stopped Maggie, staring towards one of the nurse administering a drug, "could you get Ms. Price some tissues please?"

"Right away," uttered the nurse, nodding her head. She finished what she was doing and left the room. A few seconds passed by, and the nurse returned with tissues hand. She walked over towards Megan and handed her the white pieces of material. And with that, Megan began to calm down. Maggie placed the stethoscope back on and listened carefully. She moved the chestpiece around the area where his heart dwell slightly, each time her face growing even grimmer.

Finally, Isaac returned with the portable ultrasound. Running into the room, he handed Maggie the device, and she quickly prepared it. Once it was ready, Maggie called for the gel that went on the tip of the cursor. A nurse hurried over and squeezed some out of the bottle. Immediately, Maggie placed it upon Zack's chest, slightly moving it around. Her eyes glued to the monitor, her head began shaking.

"Crap! Just what I thought." she said, moving the cursor up Zack's chest.

"What?" asked Isaac, leaning in to see what was on the ultrasound.

Maggie sighed and freezed the frame that was on the small monitor. She took off the cursor and gestured for the nurse. When she came by her side, Maggie said, "Print me a copy of this, and book the OR. And page Dr. Paxton. I'm going to need all the help I can get."

The nurse nodded and took off out of the room. Isaac grew confused, beginning to ask a bunch of questions. Maggie began helping the nurses prepare for the OR, Isaac by her side. When she gripped her hands to the rail of the gurney, ready to leave, Isaac asked one more question: "What is going on, Dr. Pierce?"

Annoyed, Maggie spun her head around and replied, "Dr. Cross, the patient needs surgery. Take Ms. Price out to the waiting room, and then meet me in the OR. I'll explain everything there."

The nurse finished strapping the portable monitor to the bed. Once she backed away, Maggie and the orderlies, who showed up during the preparation, began wheeling Zack out of the room. This sent Megan into a panic. Leaping from her corner, she began to go after Maggie and the gurney. But before she could make it out of the door, Isaac stopped her, placing both hands upon her shoulders.

"Ma'am, calm down. Let's go to the waiting room." said Isaac.

"No! I need to see Zack! Why are they taking him to surgery?" she yelled, tears still streaming.

"Ms. Price, we're going to do everything we can to save your fiancé. Let's just go to the waiting room, okay?" asked Isaac, getting on Megan's side, one hand now around her shoulder, leading her out of the room.

Isaac led Megan in the opposite direction of where Maggie and the gurney were heading. But then, Megan turned her head around slightly and watched the doctors run around the corner, out of sight.

Meredith walked down the hallway with a chart in her hands, at her side. Ever since her visit to Carla's room, Meredith had been checking up on her post-ops. A smile was upon her face. She had not seen Eric since the meeting where Richard introduced him. All morning, her mind had not once gone to what happened last night, or to Derek.

As Meredith came to the nurses' station, she placed the chart upon the counter and opened it up. Before looking down at the page, reaching over to grab a pen from her pocket, she surveyed the scene. Her eyes moved over the stairs, people ascending and descending them; then to the small waiting area where a family was anxiously waiting for news about their loved one; then over to the elevators and the people getting on and getting off; and then finally back around to the window of the small conference room where Eric sat within, doing paperwork.

Meredith doubled back. She couldn't believe it. All morning, she had avoided him. And now, he was sitting in the conference room, with a plain view of her from where he sat. As Meredith put pen to paper, her mind began to wonder to last night. To what Eric said. To the picture that stood upon her nightstand. And Meredith simply stared at the window, watching Eric sign papers and laugh. Her pen, now making a small black mark, was completely still.

Out of her notice, Alex came up from the hallway and to the window of the conference room. He had his hands in his pockets and he noticed Meredith staring. Following her gaze, he peered into the window at Eric. He then stared back at Meredith and her frozen form. Alex walked over to where she stood at the nurses' station and got behind her. Lowering his head real carefully, he whispered into her ear, "Are you going to tell me now what's been bothering you, Mer?"

Meredith jumped. The pen she was holding flew out of her hand and landed on the floor behind Alex. Alex turned and bent down to pick up the pen. Turning back around, he held the pen by its tip, staring at Meredith in a rather matter-of-fact way, his head tilted slightly. Gazing at him annoyed, she grabbed the pen from him and uttered, "I'm fine, Alex."

"Really?" he began, placing his arm on the counter and leaning in. Meredith put pen back on paper and simply stared at Alex. "Then why did I just walk down the hallway and saw you staring blankly at the conference room window? Surely the new guy isn't _that_ interesting."

As Meredith and Alex talked, Eric continued signing papers. But when he heard the faint sound of a pen clattering to the floor, he jerked his head up. Seeing Meredith through the window, Eric began picking up the pace of signing. He was not going to miss Meredith again.

Back outside of the conference room, Meredith turned her gaze towards the chart. She began writing in notes, Alex simply staring at her in puzzlement.

"What's up with you, Mer? This morning, you looked weird while the Chief introduced him, and now you're standing staring blankly? Come on, Mer, just tell me." he said.

Meredith stopped writing and looked up to answer. But as soon as she did, Eric walked out of the conference room, shaking the HR rep's hand, staring at her out of the corner of his eye. When the HR rep left, Eric began walking over. Meredith was flustered. What could she do? Where could she go to avoid Eric? But then, she saw that he stopped when his pager went off, looked down at his pager, and then turned away towards the elevators. Sighing on the inside, she began to look back down to the chart when she noticed DeLuca entering on the other side.

Noticing Meredith, Andrew held up the blood results, saying loudly, "Dr. Grey! I got the blood results."

Meredith was ever so grateful. Breathing relief internally, she closed the chart and placed her pen back inside her chest pocket. She put the chart back with the others and walked around Alex towards Andrew. Alex stood up and turned to face her. "Mer, what's up? Seriously."

Meredith half-faced Alex and uttered, "Alex, I am fine. I got a patient. I'll see you later."

And with that, Meredith approached Andrew and took the test results. She nodded her head, pleased with the results, and then signaled with her head for him to follow. Alex watched her from the nurses' station as she disappeared behind the wall. He then placed his hands upon the edge of the counter, gripping it, leaning forward. He stared down at the floor, wondering why Meredith was being this way.

Alex stayed like this for a few minutes. Thoughts swirled in his mind about Meredith. What was she hiding? What was going on? Before he could come up with any theories, however, a near-by voice called out his name.

"Alex?" said the voice.

Looking up, Alex saw Jo standing by the counter, hands in pockets. Immediately, Alex let go of the counter and stood back up. Before he turned away to walk away, though, he uttered, "No."

"But Alex—," started Jo.

"No, Jo. I am not telling you about my mother. That is a part of my life I don't ever talk about. With anyone." he explained.

"Well, how am I supposed to know you? All of you?" she asked.

Alex stepped away from the counter and began to walk past Jo. But as he got close to her side, he stopped and leaned in. Whispering, he said, "Trust me."

Alex stood back up, simply staring down at Jo. Jo then turned her head, hands still in pockets, an irritated look upon her face. She slightly shook her head as if to say "I can't believe you". Alex steeled himself, throwing his shoulders back. He put his hands back in his pockets and continued on and around the corner, leaving Jo standing by the nurses' station.

Maggie leaned against the scrub room sink, allowing her arms to dangle beneath the hot water running out. A mask on her face and her purple scrub cap on her head, she gazed up and into the OR. Everything was nearly ready. Zack was under, and the surgical field was prepped. Maggie turned to the monitor and noticed that Zack's BP was nearing 150. She had to hurry. But where was Dr. Paxton?

Suddenly, the door of the scrub room opened and in walked Eric. Taking a few steps in, his hand still holding the door, he looked up and at the window. Seeing the patient ready, he then turned to Maggie and asked, "Dr. Pierce, you paged?"

Maggie turned her head and breathed an internal sigh of relief. She turned back and shut off the water, standing upright once more, arms up to her chest. "Yes, I did. My patient has an aortic coarctation, which is now causing a tear in his aorta. I need your help, please."

A shocked look appeared on Eric's face. He had seen aortic coarctation in children, but he ever rarely saw it get bad in adults. Eric quickly nodded his head and took his hand off of the door. Rushing to the sink, he pushed the button that allowed the water to run, putting his arms underneath it. He looked up at the monitor, noticing Zack's heart rate and BP.

"His BP is almost to 150?" he asked in disbelief.

Maggie nodded. "Yeah. We need to hurry. Thank you. I'll see you in there."

"No problem," said Eric, looking back down to the sink. Maggie did an about face and headed towards the sliding doors leading into the OR. As soon as she hit the button, however, Eric looked up and uttered, "Wait."

Maggie huffed. There really was no time for conversation. The guy could bleed out at any moment, she knew. And yet, she turned around to face Eric once more. "What?"

Looking up at Maggie, hands still under the water, he searched for the words to say. How did he ask what he wanted to ask? Would she even answer him? Realizing that there was no time, Eric stopped the water and stood back up, hands in the air like Maggie's.

"I—do you know Meredith Grey?" asked Eric.

Maggie looked taken aback. What kind of question was that, she wondered? Of all the things he could've asked, he chose that question right before they go in to surgery? Maggie stared directly at the guy, a little annoyed, saying, "She's my sister. I live with her and Amelia, the Neuro chief. Now, if you don't mind, I kind of have my heart set on saving this patient."

And with that, Maggie turned back around and pushed the button once more to open the doors. She walked through, leaving Eric standing by the sink. He was not sure of what to make of that answer, but he knew that he had to have more. Eric moved to the door, pushed the button with his elbow, and with his determination to get answers, he walked into the OR.

It was nearing afternoon. The sun was now at his highest. Carla Schiffer sat up in the bed with the remote in her hand, flipping through the channels. She passed the news stations, the daytime television soaps (for which she despised), and the daytime talk shows. Seeing that there was nothing on television, she pressed the power button and laid down the remote on the table in front of her. Silence engulfed her now. Peter had gone down to the cafeteria to get lunch. Carla turned her gaze to the window, watching the nurses and doctors pass by her window, charts and labs in their hands. She moved her gaze around the room, bored out of her mind, needing something to do.

She saw the magazine that she was reading earlier on the table. Reaching forward, her hand stretched out, Carla brought the magazine to her and laid it in her lap. She flipped through the pages, re-reading the articles, noting the recipes.

 _BUZZZZ! BUZZZZZ!_ Carla's head shot up as the noise met her ears. What was it? She looked around her, thinking that it was her monitor. The buzzing sounded again, and Carla turned back around and noticed that it was Peter's cellphone. Somebody was trying to get ahold of him. Now, Peter did not like it when Carla answered his phone. But what if it was work, she thought? What if they needed Peter urgently? Thinking about it, Carla laid down the magazine and reached for the buzzing phone.

Picking it up, Carla brought it back to her line of vision. She noticed the screen on the front, the caller ID reading "Her". Confused, Carla flipped open the phone and brought it to her ear.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" she asked.

"Peter? Peter, is that you? Did she make it through? Can you leave her?" asked the woman on the other end.

"This isn't Peter, dear. This is his wife." replied Carla tersely.

The other woman suddenly hung up. All Carla could here was the silence of the phone. As she flipped the phone close, dread began to fill her. Thoughts ran wild in her mind. Disgust for her husband began to take hold. How could Peter do this? How could he cheat on her? After 25 years of marriage, how could this happen? Carla sat still, the phone in her hand. She stared at the blankets, the two mounds that were her feet. And then, Peter strolled into the room, carrying a bag of something and a drink.

"The cafeteria had crap in there. So, I went to Jimmy's and got a burger," he said as he walked over to the side of the bed with the chair. He set down the bag and drink on the table and began opening it up. Before he grabbed the burger, though, he noticed Carla staring blankly.

"Carla? Honey, are you okay?" he asked, stepping away from the bag and closer to the bed, to his wife. He placed a gentle hand upon her shoulder and bent his head low to make contact with her eyes. "Carla? What's wrong?"

 _SMACK!_ Skin made contact with skin, as a hand made contact with a face. Carla brought back her hand, the disgust she was feeling visibly seen on her face. Peter's mouth flew open, and his hand, like a magnet, flew to his left cheek. His cheek stung, red beginning to spread across the area. Peter stepped away quickly lest he get slapped again. As his hand gently felt his cheek, he gazed up at Carla who had on a fierce look and tears threatening to breach her eyelids. His eyes then moved down to her hands where she still was holding the phone. Like a lightbulb, realization and panic finally hit Peter.

"Honey, I—," began Peter.

"How long?" said Carla faintly, her voice breaking and tears beginning to fall.

"What?" replied Peter, leaning in a little to catch what she said.

"How long, Peter? How long have you had an affair? How long have you betrayed this marriage?" she asked.

Peter stammered. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to say it. His mouth opened, but nothing was coming out. He reached his hand behind his head, wracking his brain for words. But all he could think about was how stupid he was for leaving his cellphone. All he could think about was how stupid he was for getting caught. He looked away from Carla and back to the bag. Grabbing the end of the bag, he reached in to pull out the burger.

"HOW LONG, YOU SON OF A BITCH?!" she yelled at the top of her lungs, throwing his phone at him and hitting him in the side of the head.

"Hey! What is going on? Carla, we're ready to take you up." said Meredith, who appeared in the doorway with Andrew, seeing everything that just happened.

Pain surged through Peter. He brought his hand up to the side of his head. He could feel blood pouring out. At this, all civility left him. He turned back around towards Carla, equal ferocity in his face, anger pulsing through him now. He got up close to Carla's face, his nostrils (if it were possible) flaring. He uttered to her face, with all bitterness and malice as possible, "5 years. That is how long, Carla. You want to know why? Because I don't love you anymore. Ever since you got cancer, it's been hospital this and chemo that. Surgery after surgery, I have had to wait. Wait for the doctors, reading their faces, scared that you had died. And then, finally one day, I just decided that I was through. I wasn't going to take it anymore. All the visits, all the surgeries, all the doctors. No. More."

"Get out," uttered Carla in a low, threatening voice, "get out of this room, and get out of my life."

Peter leaned in and got up into Carla's face as much as possible. As nose nearly touched nose, Peter spat, "With pleasure."

Peter stood back up and turned to pick his phone up off the floor. He went over to the chair and grabbed his jacket. He then walked back over to the table above the bed and snatched the bag with the burger off of it. Quickly, he stared at Carla, who now had tears running down her face, disgust riddled all over. Peter reciprocated, shaking his head a little, and then marched off towards the door. He brushed past Meredith and Andrew and disappeared beyond the corner of the hallway.

Silence reigned. Carla gazed upon the door and the two doctors, as if it were all a bad nightmare. Peter was going to come back. This wasn't happening. It couldn't, she thought. They were meant to grow old together. When a couple of minutes passed, with no sign of Peter, Carla laid back into the pillow behind her. She began sobbing uncontrollably, grabbing tissue after tissue. Gesturing to Andrew with her head, Meredith pointed to the door and quietly backed out. Andrew followed suit. When they were at the small station, Meredith turned around and faced Andrew directly in the eye.

"DeLuca, go and find Mr. Schiffer. Stitch him up and sit him somewhere. But whatever you do, do not let that man leave this hospital. Understand?" explained Meredith.

"But what about—," started Andrew.

At that moment, Alex approached the small nurses' station. His hands in his lab pockets, he walked over to Meredith and Andrew and looked over at the window, towards Carla crying. A confused look donned his face, his eyes squinting together.

Turning back to Meredith, he pointed to the window and asked, "What's up with your patient? Why is she crying?"

Meredith sighed. "Apparently, my patient's husband cheated on her, and he has left now. I was just telling Andrew here to go and find him and make sure he doesn't leave. And," Meredith stopped, pointing her index finger at DeLuca who had just opened his mouth, "I will find somebody else to help me with the surgery. Now go."

Andrew ran off at this command to find Mr. Schiffer. Meanwhile, Meredith turned to the station, placing her elbows upon the counter, laying her head in her hand. She slowly shook her head, moaning in the process. Alex stepped up to the counter, placing his arm upon the surface.

"I'll help you. I'm free right now anyways. Besides, we have some talking to do." said Alex.

Meredith lifted her head and simply gazed at Alex, giving him the "Seriously?" look. When Alex would not back down, Meredith sighed and uttered, "Fine. See you in OR 2."

Alex smiled, chuckled a little, and walked off to get ready. When he was out of sight, Meredith turned around and walked back over to the door of Carla's room. She gently knocked upon it and said, "You all right, Carla?"

Carla startled. She looked up from the tissue she'd been buried in, eyes puffy, nose running. Carla wiped away the remnants of her crying, sniffled, and then said, "I'm so sorry, Dr. Grey. I didn't mean for you to have to see that. I just—25 years. 25 years ago, I married my best friend. He knew me, and I knew him. We promised to each other, Dr. Grey, that we would grow old together. That, no matter how crazy or senile I or he became, or how hard life became, that we would always be each other's true loves. Now, I don't even know him. I don't even recognize the man that I married. What do you do with that?"

Carla bowed her head, averting her gaze from Meredith. At this point, Meredith had walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. As she looked at Carla, heard her, she couldn't help but think about her and Derek. Like Carla, that was supposed to be her and Derek. Growing old together, loving each other forever, dying in each other's arms. When Carla's voice began to break again, Meredith reached for her hand and squeezed it. Carla looked up and smiled at her.

"Thank you." she replied.

"You're welcome," replied Meredith, letting go of Carla's hand and standing back up. "If you want, Carla, I can postpone the surgery for another day, if you're not ready. We always—," said Meredith.

Carla held up a hand, stopping her. "No. I'm ready for this. I've been ready for this. Just because my marriage may be ending, that does not mean that I want my life to end any time soon. So," Carla sat up in the bed, back straight, wiping the tears away, "let's go, Dr. Grey. Let's beat this cancer."

Meredith smiled. When she turned around, she noticed that the orderlies were waiting outside the door. She gestured for them to come in, and they began getting things ready to take Carla to the OR. Once Carla moved over to the other bed, the orderlies rolled her out of the door and down the hall to the elevators.

Maggie and Eric stood at the OR table. Zack laid, with an intubation tube down his throat, open with his heart exposed. The OR lights shined brightly down into the chest cavity, Maggie's and Eric's headlights giving off additional illumination. Both surgeons had their hands in the cavity, trying to get a good look at the dissection.

"My god! Look at that! I haven't seen aortic coarctation get this bad. Those chest pain had to have been sharp. That section there," paused Eric, pointing to an area of the aorta that was nearly closed off, "it's nearly inaccessible. And then there's the dissection. Yikes!"

"Yeah, it's a wonder we ever got him on bypass so quickly," said Maggie, pulling back the cavity to see the tear. "So, here's what I'm thinking: we cut this part," she explained, pointing to the curve in the aorta where the tear was, "out, and we place a graft in there and redirect blood flow."

"That'll work. How much time has passed?" asked Eric, looking around for the clock.

"About an hour. Probably take us another hour or so. I'll cut out the part of the aorta, while you get the graft ready to put in." uttered Maggie.

Eric nodded. He turned to the nurses to get the graft ready, while Maggie held out her hand again for the scalpel, ready to cut out the part of the aorta. With the scalpel in hand, Maggie began cutting away. Eric watched her hands as they glided over the aorta, figuring out where to cut. Something bothered him. Something that was eating at him. Something that needed answering.

"You know, you never really answered my question in the scrub room." said Eric.

Too busy with the aorta, Maggie looked up confused. "What?"

"Back in the scrub room. When I asked you if you knew Meredith? You told me you were her sister, but that didn't really answer my question." replied Eric.

Maggie sighed, continuing with her work. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, I just want to know who she was married to. When I met her last night at the club, she had mentioned her husband. Do you know anything about him?" asked Eric.

As soon as Eric said the word club, Maggie's head shot up from her work. Hand still in the body cavity, Maggie stared at Eric as if he had just said something surprising. "You were at the club last night? You spoke to Meredith?"

"Yeah, I did," he repeated, squinting his eyes in puzzlement, "I asked her about her husband, because she said she was married, and she just left. I was just wondering if you knew anything about him."

Maggie continued to stare at Eric, hand deep in Zack's chest. While she only knew Derek for a short time, Maggie knew that she couldn't be the one to tell Eric. One, she and Meredith were still growing close. If Maggie did say anything, Meredith would never speak to her, let alone forgive her. Secondly, even for her, it was still a sore spot. While all these thoughts swam around in Maggie's mind, somehow her gaze drifted from Eric to some random spot. After a few seconds, Eric's bloody glove began to wave in front of her, trying to grab her attention.

"Hey! Dr. Pierce?" asked Eric, frantically waving his hand.

Maggie shook her head vigorously, coming out of her reverie. She again stared at Eric but this time she spoke. "Look, Eric, I only knew Meredith's husband for a short time. I don't really feel like the right person to tell you about him or about what happened. You'll just have to ask Meredith."

And with that, Maggie went back to work. She found a good place to start cutting the section of the aorta and began. Meanwhile, a downtrodden Eric prepared the graft. He was almost out of options. Every time he got near Meredith today, she always found some other thing to be busy with. As Eric wracked his brain for what to do next, Maggie finished cutting, and both surgeons set forth to begin the repair.

"Almost done, Mr. Schiffer." uttered Andrew.

The young intern brought the suture back out and then back in, closing the cut on the side of Peter's head. Peter huffed and mumbled something for which Andrew simply ignored, continuing his work.

Finally, Andrew brought the suture back out and cut the thread. "There. It's done."

"Wonderful! Now I can leave," replied Peter, quickly sitting up on the bed and swinging his leg over. He was ready to make a quick getaway. However, Andrew stood up and grabbed his shoulder, leading him back down to the pillow.

"Not so fast, Mr. Schiffer. I need to put a bandage on the side of your head. Besides, we might need to check for a concussion." explained Andrew.

Peter leaned back and scoffed. "First a slap, then a cellphone thrown in my face, and now a possible concussion. Gee, my wife is swell!" exclaimed Peter sarcastically.

Andrew stood by the side of the bed, preparing the bandage and placing medicine. With his head down close to his chest and the tray, he mumbled, "Not like you didn't deserve it."

Inevitably, the words reached Peter's ears. He straightened his back and turned his head, looking cross and fuming. "What'd you say?"

Still looking down, Andrew winced. He had hoped that the guy wouldn't hear that. He picked up the bandage with the medicine spread and turned to face Mr. Schiffer. He placed the bandage upon the cute with the stitches, patting it down, saying, "I said 'Not like you didn't deserve it'. Cause you did. You did deserve all of that."

"Excuse me?" bellowed Peter, raising his voice, anger seeping through.

Andrew finished up the bandage and lowered his hands. Stepping back, he pulled off his gloves and threw them down on the tray. He placed his hands in his lab pockets, and replied, "You deserved it. What she did to you. Why? Because you're the guy who gives _all_ guys a bad name. You are a douchebag. Your wife has cancer man! The least you could do is stand by her, like you promised in your vows, 'In sickness and in health'! But no, you had to go for someone I am guessing is a lot younger, a lot sexier, and doesn't have cancer, right? I'll say it again: you are a douchebag. You sicken me, and you give love a bad name."

Andrew stormed off, not caring about what Dr. Grey said. Everyone in the ER was now looking in the direction of where Andrew just stood and where Peter simply sat and stared, angrier than ever. But as the clock ticked on, and the minutes passed, Peter's expression began to soften. He was right, he thought. He was a douchebag for cheating on his sick, filled with cancer, wife. He was scum, for walking out of that room. Peter brought his hand up to his eyes and covered them, tears now streaming down and turning into his sobs.

Meredith's hands were deep inside the large intestine. As she scanned every inch of the colon for polyps, Carla laid with an intubation tube in her mouth, vitals steady. Headset on, Meredith bent low over the table, continuing her search. Alex stood on the other side of the table, also with a headset and bent low, searching as well for any signs of tumors. They were about halfway up the colon, nothing in sight. As Meredith avidly looked, Alex however kept on glancing over at Meredith, figuring out the best way to make her talk. How did Christina do it, he wondered? How did she get Meredith to talk? Even when she didn't want to? And then suddenly, Alex's head popped up. He knew exactly how she did it.

Meredith and Alex continued along the colon, still no sign of any tumors. As Meredith scoured over the tissue, Alex uttered, "So, what's up with you?"

At this, Meredith's head jerked up, Alex shielding his eyes from the light of her headset. "Excuse me?" she asked.

"What is up with you, Mer? You've been avoiding the new doctor all day, you haven't said a word to me. What's up?" said Alex.

Meredith sighed. This again, she thought. When was Alex going to give it a rest? Meredith shifted her feet slightly, shrugging her shoulders. With her instruments in her hands, she replied, "For the last time, Alex, I am fine."

But before Meredith could bend down again to continue searching, Alex exclaimed, "No!"

Meredith looked back up, instruments in the air. "What?"

Instruments in the air too, Alex stared at Meredith directly. "I'm now your person, Meredith. Ever since Yang left, I've been your person. And to be honest, I didn't know how you guys did it, being each other's person. But now I do. I am your person, Mer. Tell me what's going on with you, please."

Meredith simply stared at Alex. She honestly did not know what to say. For indeed, she didn't even know what to think about last night. About seeing Eric. About Derek. But all Meredith knew was that she couldn't talk about it. Not now. Not during this surgery. Without saying a word, she bent back down and continued looking. She was almost finished with the colon. But then she heard a scoff. Meredith looked up and saw that Alex had resumed working too. He had an irritated look upon his face. Hesitant, Meredith gazed back down. But then, words finally came.

Into the body cavity, Meredith spoke, "Eric and I had been together since our first year of medical school. I thought that I was in love with him. And in our last 6 months of school, he proposed to me. He took me to this fancy restaurant and did the whole "get on one knee" thing, or whatever. I reluctantly said yes. But then, I found him in bed with someone else a couple weeks before graduation. Seeing him last night made me think how much I love and miss Derek, and how much I don't ever want to date again."

As Meredith spoke, Alex looked up from what he was doing. Meredith continued to talk, but Alex simply stared, listening to what she had to say. When she finished, Meredith continued to search for tumors, keeping her eyes on the body cavity. All Alex could do was stare, mouth open. After a few seconds had passed, he knew he should get back to work.

Meredith and Alex continued searching, nearing the end of the large intestine. When they were both finished, they straightened up and put down their instruments.

"The colon is clear. Now, to just check and make sure nothing has spread." said Meredith, grabbing the scalpel and extending the incision a few millimeters.

Alex moved closer so that he was standing right across from Meredith. As she extended the incision, Alex watched as she dug the scalpel in. When Meredith could the liver, pancreas, and the stomach, she put down the scalpel and began to search once more. Alex followed suite, putting his hands into the extended cavity with her. The pancreas, the stomach, and the gallbladder were all clear, they saw, of any tumors. However…

"Oh damn it! Look right there on the liver," said Meredith, pointing to an area of the liver where multiple tumors could be seen. Alex leaned over and looked up to where Meredith was pointing. "It's all over." he replied.

Meredith nodded, giving a sympathetic smile under her mask. "Yeah. And here I thought she—,"

 _BEEEEEEEEEP!_ The alarm on the vitals monitor went off. Immediately, Meredith and Alex turned their heads to see what was wrong. Carla had flat-lined.

"Get the crash cart!" yelled Meredith.

She pushed the instrument tray out of her way and hurried to the area of Carla's chest. Throwing back the drape, she began to administer CPR. Meredith focused on the vitals monitor. It was still reading 'Asystole'. Alex grabbed the paddles from the nurse and applied them to Carla's chest. But after defibrillating two times, the flat-line remained.

Alex put back the paddles. Meredith slowly stopped administering CPR. Carla was gone. Meredith's hands dropped to her side, and she stepped back from the table. Bringing her hand up to her face, she grabbed her mask and pulled it off. Meredith looked up at the clock and then uttered, softly, "Time of death: 4:57 pm."

Stars shined, and streetlights glimmered. The blanket of night covered itself over the city of Seattle. And through the blinds of the patient room, Zack laid in the bed of the cardiac ICU, still unconscious. The vital monitor beeped normally, indicating that his heart rate was fine. His chest heaved up and down.

On the other side of the sliding doors, Maggie and Eric stood side by side, facing Megan. Explaining everything to her, all Megan could do was nod her head and cover her mouth with her hand. Tears of joy that Zack would be fine rolled down her cheek, and she lifted up her hand every so often to wipe them away. But when Maggie finished speaking, Megan still had a confused look upon her face.

"I still don't understand something, Dr. Pierce. Why was this never caught before? Has this condition always been with him? Why didn't he tell me?" asked Megan, extending her hand out as an emphatic gesture.

Maggie shifted her feet. Keeping eye contact with Megan, she gripped the ends of the pen she was holding more tightly, opening her mouth. At first, she wasn't sure of what to say. But then words came.

"Megan, aortic coarctation is usually found in children, mostly in infancy. But it's typically not that severe. It is very likely that it was detected, but no one ever really followed up on it. As for Zack not telling you, sometimes we're afraid of how people will react to the truth. Sometimes, people think the truth does more harm than good."

At that instant, Zack began to wake up. Out of the corner of her eye, Megan saw his head move, and she leaped in front of the door, opening it. She rushed to his side, grabbing his hand that was laying on the bed. Megan brought it up to the rail and began to rub it. When Zack slowly opened his eyes, and he saw Megan begin to clear, she uttered, "Hey, baby."

"Hey." said Zack faintly. _(The human body is constantly evolving.)_

Megan gently sat down on the edge of the bed, still holding Zack's hand. As she did, Zack turned his head slowly to see her better. His eyes were fully open, and his senses were all coming back to him. He smiled softly at Megan, slowly squeezing her hand.

"I'm so sorry for all of this, Megan. I honestly thought you wouldn't have to know about any of this." uttered Zack, still somewhat hoarse. _(We can't get too comfortable with the familiar.)_

"Shhh," went Megan as she laid her right index finger upon his lips, "it's all right. I'm just glad you're okay. I thought I had lost you there for a minute. But if you ever keep something major like this from me again, I'll kill you." she said with a half-smile, half-serious look.

Zack chuckled at this. Sharp pain shot from his chest, resulting in Zack's wincing and holding his chest gently. "Oh! That's funny, but it's hurt to laugh."

Megan winced and hunched her shoulders a little. "Sorry," she uttered.

The pain subsided. Zack gazed up at Megan, and a chill sent itself down his spine. He lifted the hand that he held his chest with and brought it up to her face, cupping her cheek. "I'm not. I may have just had major heart surgery, but I still want to marry you, Megan. I love you, with all my heart, and this whole thing, being under and in surgery, has showed me that I don't ever want to live without you." _(We have to keep moving forward and keep on learning about each other.)_

Tears streamed down Megan's face as Zack said this. She leaned forward when he was finished, putting both hands on his face, and saying, "I love you too," and with that, they both locked lips, a little tongue slipping in as well.

Outside the room, Maggie and Eric continued to stand in front of the window watching. Maggie had on a small smile. The joy of saving a life rushed through her, sending chills everywhere along her body. While she stood with one arm across her chest and the other resting underneath her chin, Eric stood facing the window with his hands in his lab pockets, half-way looking at the ground, half-way at Zack and Megan. If only he could just get Meredith to talk to him. To tell him what happened. He at least deserves to know that.

Eric looked up from the floor, determined. He turned around and began to head off in the opposite direction. When Maggie turned her head and noticed that he was leaving, she called, "Hey! Where are you going?"

Eric stopped and turned around quick. "To go get some answers. Thanks, Dr. Pierce."

"It's Maggie." she smiled. Eric smiled in return, uttered "Thanks… Maggie", and turned around, walking to the end of the hallway and turned the corner, out of sight.

Meredith shuffled down the hallway, Alex walking behind her. A stroke, she thought. Of all things, that's what killed Carla. She thought it would be easy. She'd go in, make the search through the colon and the rest of the gastrointestinal area, and close. Simple. But then again, when has anything ever been simple? When has life ever been easy?

She rounded a corner and came upon the nurses' station, looking ahead over to the small waiting area. There, by the stairs, sat Mr. Schiffer, reading a magazine and shaking his foot up and down. Andrew sat beside him, making notes in a chart. As Meredith made her way over, she began to think of how much she was about to change Mr. Schiffer's life. Indeed, she has stood where he is now. Memories of that night flashed before her mind. Walking down the hallway with the nurse, seeing Derek lay in the bed, machines breathing for him, the doctor telling her about what happened. A tear began to fall down her face, and Meredith quickly wiped it away, steeling herself.

Her footsteps grew louder, and suddenly she stopped in front of Mr. Schiffer. "Mr. Schiffer?"

Peter startled, jumping a little in his seat. Looking up at Meredith, he immediately closed the magazine and threw it back onto the pile on the side table. He drew himself up from the chair, hope riddled on his face.

"Dr. Grey? Is she awake yet? Did you get it all? Is that it? I know I was a total jerk before, and I probably don't deserve her forgiveness. But, she is my wife, and I have treated her badly, very badly. She deserves more from me. She deserves my love. Please, Dr. Grey, please tell me she made it through." finished Peter.

After having steeled herself, tears threatened to breach Meredith's eyelids once more. Holding them back as much as possible, she straightened her back and stared directly into Peter's face, "Mr. Schiffer, why don't we go somewhere private?"

In an instant, all hope extinguished itself from Peter's face. Meredith turned back around and began walking away, Alex stepping aside for Peter. Andrew stood up from the chair, holding the chart in his hands, unsure of what to do. When Peter passed Alex, Alex looked towards Andrew and gestured with his head to follow. Andrew walked past Alex, and Alex brought up the rear of the line. In front, Meredith walked to the door of the conference room, looking into the window to make sure no one was there. The coast being clear, she reached out for the handle and opened the door.

Meredith walked into the room and stood by the door, holding it open. When Mr. Schiffer, Andrew, and Alex walked in, Meredith closed the door, taking a deep breath. She could do this. She could get through this. Meredith turned around and faced Mr. Schiffer. A look of concern grew upon Peter's face.

"Dr. Grey? What's wrong?" he asked.

"Mr. Schiffer, your wife died of a stroke in surgery. We did everything we could, but we couldn't save her."

All of the breath that Peter had left him. His jaw to the floor, he grabbed on to the edge of the table. He began to stammer, unable to form words, unable to think of anything to say. He looked to the floor and covered his mouth with his free hand. Closing his eyes, he began to shake. And then, he gazed back up towards Meredith, words finally at his throat.

"You—you said that the surgery was simple? That you'd be going in to make sure that nothing remained of the tumor. You said she'd be fine." he uttered, voice finally breaking. His upper lip began to quiver, and tears began to fall.

"Mr. Schiffer—," Meredith began.

"I told her I didn't love her anymore! We had a fight, and I told her that I did not love her. And now she's dead? Do you realize how screwed up that is?!" yelled Peter, now shaking even more, his legs appearing to give way at any moment. _(For in the day that we become comfortable with the familiar…)_

Peter then turned to grab the table with both hands. Trying to steady himself, he lowered his head and began to sob. Visibly shaking, tears flowed freely down his face. Meredith looked over at Andrew and gestured for him to leave. As quietly as ever, Andrew left the room, and Meredith moved forward a little, pulling a chair with her.

"Here. Have a seat, Mr. Schiffer." said Meredith, grabbing his arm and guiding him towards the chair. With no resistance, Peter sat down and put his face into his hands. Meredith put her hands into her pockets, and she simply stood there in front of Mr. Schiffer as he cried. After a few minutes, Mr. Schiffer finally began to calm down. Meredith lowered her head and said, "Mr. Schiffer, Dr. Karev here," she extended her hand indicating Alex, "will take you up to see your wife when you're ready. Okay?"

Peter nodded, his eyes and nose puffy, his glasses now lying upon the table. Meredith reached out and placed a hand upon his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Schiffer. I'm so sorry."

She squeezed his shoulder and then let go. Turning around, Meredith walked back to the door and put her hand upon the handle. She then looked back to Alex and mouthed, "Thank you". Alex in return mouthed, "No problem" and smiled.

Meredith smiled back and left the room. As she closed the door behind her, the tears began to flow. She began walking quite hurriedly to the nearest on-call room. She did not want anybody seeing her crying, anybody picking up the talk about her being a widow. She rounded the corner of a hallway and saw the on-call room. She made a dash for it, running like mad to the door. But then…

 _BAM!_ Meredith ran into a tall figure, her face being crushed by the guy's chest. She then felt hands rest themselves upon her forearms, pulling her off. Meredith looked up to find that it was Eric who she ran into.

"Eric, let me go. I don't want to talk right now." said Meredith.

"But I do." said Eric. He led Meredith over to the door of the on-call room. Opening it, he guided her into the room, letting go of her arm as soon as she walked over the threshold. Meredith went to stand by the beds while Eric shut the door.

"What do you want, Eric? There is nothing to talk about." said Meredith, frustrated that he kept on pushing her to talk.

Eric turned around from the door and faced Meredith. "Yes there is. Why won't you tell me about your husband, Meredith? You left pretty quickly last night when I asked you that question."

Meredith dug her hands into the pockets of her lab coat. She lowered her head and stared at the floor. If I don't say anything, maybe he'll leave, she thought. All she knew was that she couldn't. Not now, not ever, talk to him about Derek. After a few minutes passed, sirens going off in the distance, Eric sighed.

"If you won't talk to me here, then meet me tonight again at the club. Please, Meredith. Just meet me." uttered Eric.

He placed his hands in his pockets and looked at her again. Maybe, just maybe, she'd say something. But Meredith continued to stare at the floor, hoping that he would go away. Finally, Eric looked away to a side table with empty fast food boxes laying on top. Realizing nothing would be said, he turned around and walked toward the door. He opened it and as he stepped over the threshold, he turned back and quickly uttered, "Please, Meredith. Just meet me there at the club". He let go of the door and as it shut, Meredith sat down on the edge of the bed, placing her index and third finger on the bridge of her nose, unsure of what to do.

The night air was crisp and cool. It was a clear black night, all the stars out and shining. Alex parked his car by the street in front of the apartment building. Grabbing his stuff, he climbed out of the car and made his way inside the building. Up the stairs he went, exhausted and hungry, ready for the day to be over with. He was glad that Meredith finally trusted him with something that she would with Christina. For Meredith was the only one who truly, deeply, got him. Like Christina, Meredith knew Alex darkly.

Alex climbed the last step to the landing where his apartment was. He pulled his key out and walked over to the door. Opening it, he walked in to the apartment. The smell of something great hit his nose. Chicken casserole, maybe? He closed the door and as soon as he did, Jo appeared around the corner from the kitchen.

"Hey." said Jo.

Alex smiled a little. He was glad to see her. Laying down his bag, he shuffled over to her and wrapped his arms around her. He leaned in to Jo, and uttered softly, "Hey."

Jo laid her hands on Alex's arms. "What took you so long? I made something for us."

Unwrapping his arms, Alex swung one arm over Jo's shoulder and began walking with her to the kitchen. The smell began more potent as Alex walked into the main of the apartment. "Oh, I helped Mer with a patient's husband. She died on the table, and the husband wasn't exactly in the best condition. So I told Mer I'd make sure he was alright."

"Oh." said Jo, walking away from Alex's arm and over to the kitchen counter, waiting on the casserole. "Just seems like you spend more time with her, and she knows you better than I do. She probably knows about your mother."

Alex moaned loudly, rubbing his eyes with both hands. He walked over to the other side of the counter, standing in front of the chairs. "Jo," he began, bringing down his hands and staring at her directly, "Meredith is my best friend. We've been through a lot, and she knows me. Darkly."

"That's the problem, Alex! She knows you, not me. I want to know you too. Everything about you, including what your mother is like." exclaimed Jo.

Alex rested his hands upon the island counter, leaning against the edge. "Jo, I just—," he began but was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Alex moaned again, hanging his head low, wondering who in the world would be at the door. He straightened himself up, happy that the oven timer had gone off at that moment as well. Alex walked back the way he came in, trudging his feet. When he reached the door, he extended his hand to the knob. Turning it, he swung the door wide open, and his eyes bulged out and his mouth dropped.

"Mom?" was all Alex could utter.

For there standing in the doorway was a woman of short brown hair, medium height, carrying a purse over her shoulder. "Hi, Alexander."

Loud music blared once more as Meredith walked through the door of the club. She did not bother taking off her coat. She scanned the mass of the people, trying to see over their heads towards the bar. Suddenly, she spotted the person that she was looking for. Meredith then pushed her way through the crowd, uttering "Excuse me" every now and then, and wincing as someone would bump up against her. Finally, she made it off the dance floor and now faced the bar, looking head on at Eric sitting on one of the stools, drinking a beer.

With her bag in one hand, swinging, she approached the bar and sat down two stools over from where Eric sat. Meredith placed her bag on the stool between her and Eric and called out to the barkeep, "Tequila please!"

At this, the barkeep nodded his head, and Eric turned around on the stool, facing her. He smiled faintly at Meredith, who only gazed at him with a straight face, and then turned to look at the barkeep pouring the tequila.

"Thank you," she uttered. Meredith grabbed the glass and took a sip of the contents. She put down the glass with a thud and simply stared ahead, not looking at Eric. Noticing this, Eric turned fully on the stool, now sitting sideways, feet up on the footrest.

"Meredith, you and I once had a great relationship. I really and truly loved you. I wanted to marry you, for Pete's sake. And to be quite honest, I've never stopped loving you. You are, still, the love of my life, and I know, with certainty, that I was once yours." explained Eric. _(…in the day where you want everything, everyone, to remain the same…)_

Meredith suddenly turned her gaze to Eric. "No, you were not," she said, shaking her head rather quick. "I thought that you and I would be together for a lifetime. But something just didn't feel right. Anyways, like I said Eric, a lot has changed. I've changed."

Eric shifted rather uncomfortably in his seat. He placed a hand upon his thigh, the other still on the beer. _(…that is when the pain and the devastation are the hardest.)_

"Yeah, I know. This is where I asked you about your husband, and then you just took off. What, Meredith? What's so different about your husband that changed you that I apparently was never able?"

Meredith simply stared at Eric. _(But every now and then…,)_ She didn't know what to say, or at least, she didn't know how to say it. She turned back to the counter, putting both hands now upon the glass of tequila. _(…look back.)_ Memories of her and Derek flashed before her mind. Of her 'Pick me, choose me, love me' speech; of her building the house of candles on his property; and of her watching him get shot upon the catwalk of the hospital. As each of those played and replayed in her mind, she finally realized what they all had in common. _(For it is in those moments of who we once were that we realize…)_

She turned to face Eric, mouth open, hands on the glass, "With you Eric, I was always able to imagine my life without you if things ever didn't work out. I always was able to imagine myself with somebody else if anything happened. But with Derek, my husband, I could never, from the moment I met him and began to know him, ever envision a life without him or where he wasn't in it. Derek Shepherd, Eric, has always been the love of my life and will always be. And I don't want anybody else."

With that, Meredith finished off the tequila. When she finished, she set down the glass and grabbed her bag. Eric looked away from Meredith to the base of the beer bottle, disappointed. Meredith stood up from the stool, her bag dangling down by her side. She looked at Eric and uttered, "I did love you, on some level. But Derek is the love of my life forever. He has my whole heart." _(…that the people we love and have loved…)_

Meredith turned away from Eric and began making her way back across the dance floor. Eric simply stared at the floor, extremely disappointed and jealous of this guy. He drank the last swig of beer and set down the bottle, turning his head to the door, just in time to see Meredith walk out the door. _(…have made us better human beings.")_

_ **Grey's Anatomy_**


	4. To Build A Home

**A/N: Hello everyone! Sorry that it's been a while since I posted. I have not forgotten this story. There's just been some tough spots and writer's block with this particular chapter lol. This chapter is a long one, BTW. But I hope you enjoy it. :) As always, read, review. I enjoy reading your comments, and if there is anything you would like to suggest as a possible story, just let me know. I'll see what I can do. :)**

 **Also, Mer's voice-over... parentheses and italics.**

Ch. 4

"To Build a Home"

Owen and Amelia sat across the table from each other. Amelia sat with one leg crossed, while Owen's back, as straight as could be, rested into the back of the chair. Amelia held the menu in her hands at the bottom of the booklet, slanting it against the edge of the table. Owen, however, had his lying flat upon the table. The bottom edge of the menu stuck out from the table, nearly hitting his chest. Owen's arms rested upon the table, his head down and staring at the many food choices. Soft music resounded throughout the dining room, quiet chatter filling the restaurant. All around them, people stabbed at their food with a fork. A _PING!_ of a wine glass hitting the table here, and a _SCRAAAATCH!_ of a knife there, as it cut through a piece of steak.

Every now and then, Owen looked up from his menu to see what Amelia was doing. His eyes floated up, but his head stayed down. Meanwhile, Amelia would ever so often gaze up from the page of food, surreptitiously checking on what Owen was doing. But then, they both looked up at the same time, catching each other's eye, the awkwardness setting in. Immediately, they each went back to their respective menus, trying to make a decision. Finally, a waiter with a white shirt, black pants, and a small, black apron around his waist appeared at the table, standing above the small lamp that cast its glow upon the surface.

With an order pad in hand, and a pen in the other, the waiter stared at the two doctors, saying, "Are you ready to order, sir?"

Startled, Owen looked up from his menu and stared, wide-eyed, at the waiter. He stammered for words, opening and closing his mouth. He turned to Amelia for help with an imploring look. She lowered her menu and gazed up at the waiter.

"I'll go first." she uttered.

"Excellent, ma'am," said the waiter, shifting his body slightly to face Amelia, pen meeting pad, "what'll it be?"

Amelia looked down quickly once more at the menu. Taking a moment, she then closed the book and laid it upon the table. "I'll have a steak, well done, with a baked potato and vegetables."

"Good choice, ma'am, good choice," replied the waiter, extending his hand for the menu. Amelia grabbed the edge and lifted it up, placing into the man's hand. The waiter tucked it under his arm and then shifted once again over to Owen. Amelia placed her hands in her lap and turned to Owen as well.

"Sir?" said the waiter.

"Wha—, what?" stammered Owen, fixated upon Amelia, his mouth open and his eyes bulging out, turning to the waiter.

"Your order, sir." emphasized the waiter.

"Oh! Oh," exclaimed Owen, coming to and realizing what was going on. He had one last glance down at the menu, his gaze moving from one side to the other. Finally, he looked up into the man's face and said, "I'll have what she's having."

"Excellent, sir. Your menu, please?" asked the waiter, his hand once again extended outwards, palm up.

Owen jumped a little. He was not expecting for the man to suddenly extend his hand. Looking down, Owen closed the menu and placed it into the waiter's hand. The man nodded and uttered, "Thank you. Your order will be ready soon."

Looking at the waiter, Owen nodded and smiled. "Thank you."

The waiter returned the pleasantry and walked away. Owen and Amelia turned to watch as the man soon disappeared behind a door, leading to the kitchens. They both turned back and stared at each other, Owen's jaw once again to the floor.

"What?" said Amelia, as she reached for her glass of wine and taking a sip.

Owen was flustered. He flippantly shook his head and leaned against the edge of the table, staring directly at Amelia. "I'm impressed. You know how to eat."

Amelia chuckled. She set down her glass and returned her hand to her lap. As she smiled, she stole a glance over at Owen, who was leaning his arms against the table, simply smiling at her chuckling.

"I'm really glad we're doing this." said Owen softly, smiling evermore.

"Me too," uttered Amelia, placing her arms upon the table and looking down at the bread basket in the middle, a somber look crossing her face. She looked back up to Owen and continued, "But Owen, there's something—,"

Owen held up his hand at this. _("Home.)_ His back straight, his face neutral, he lowered his arm back to the table and scooted to the edge of his seat. Both hands close to his chest, he leaned forward and uttered, "Amelia, I already know what you're going to say, but it doesn't scare me. We both have dark pasts, yes, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to know you. I don't care what it is, Amelia, even if it's something about your family," he chuckled, slightly gazing down for a second and then looking back up, "although I don't envision your family being that bad." _(Family.)_

Amelia snorted. "They may not be certified whack-jobs, but they're definitely not normal."

Owen chuckled at this, smiling once more. He extended his hand out to the middle of the table, palm open, waiting by the bread basket. Reticent, Amelia slowly moved her hand over to the middle, coming upon Owen's and resting her hand in his. Owen immediately closed his hand, squeezing hers gently, saying, "I'm sure I'll love them when it's time to meet them." _(As children, we think that our families…)_

Owen and Amelia stayed like this for a few more minutes, and then they retreated their hands back to their bodies. The conversation became easier and easier, the awkwardness dissipating, laughter replacing it. _(…are simple and idyllic.)_ When Owen said something funny, Amelia chuckled, and vice versa. Before long, their food had arrived, and the two of them dug in, the conversation never lagging. 

"Mom?" said Alex, holding the door wide open, hand on the knob. _(Mother and father, love and happiness.)_

"Hi, Alexander." uttered the woman. With her purse in her right hand and her left hand holding the front of her jacket, she bustled into the apartment, not waiting for an invite. Alex stammered for words. _(But this is a smoke screen.)_ Unsurprised by the woman's sudden entrance, Alex closed the door. He stood for a moment with his hand still on the knob, trying to catch a breath. Although his breathing was not stable, he turned around from the door and faced the woman who was his biological mother.

"Mom? Wha—what are you doing here?" stumbled Alex.

"Alex! Dinner's ready. Who's at… the door?" called Jo, trailing off as she rounded the corner and saw the mysterious woman standing beside Alex, suddenly turning to face the newcomer. A confused look on her face, Jo hesitantly stepped forward, noticing Alex staring into space, a horrified look on his countenance. _(For as we grow older…)_

"Ahhh! Who is this? Alexander, you never mentioned you had a girlfriend!" exclaimed the woman. She strutted forward and stopped in front of Jo. She held out her hand and waited for Jo to extend hers. "Helen Karev, dear. Very nice to meet you."

Jo's eyes widened. Her mouth parted slightly, forming words in her mind. Jo took Helen's hand and slowly shook, her eyes glued to the woman in front of her.

"Karev? You're Alex's—," began Jo.

"Mother, yes." finished Helen, a small smile crossing her face as the two continued to shake hands.

At this, Alex finally came out of his reverie. But then, he ran off toward the bathroom, his face flushed, his stomach churning. _(…we begin to realize…)_ Reaching the small, cool room, Alex shut the door with both hands, pressing in upon the wood, his head hanging in between. His stomach continued to churn badly, a nauseous feeling rising within him. Suddenly, his hands left the door, and he headed towards the toilet. Bending down to pick up the seat, Alex then knelt down in front of the bowl, grasping the sides with both hands, and proceeded to retch into the toilet. All of breakfast and the small lunch that he had that afternoon. He opened his eyes a little, and he thought he saw something from a few days ago even. He retched a couple more times, each time lurching forward, his nose taking in the putrid scent of the vomit.

Alex panted heavily over the bowl. Deep, quick breaths soon turned into shorter, normal breaths. One hand left the edge of the bowl, coming up to the place in his neck where his carotid was. He applied pressure with two fingers. One, two… one, two. His heart rate was coming back down. Once his BP stabilized, he let go of the other edge and leaned back against the wall between the toilet and the sink. Alex brought his legs up to his chest, his elbows resting on his knees, his fingers entwined behind his head.

He didn't know what to think. He didn't even know what he was feeling. No, he thought, shaking his head. He did know. Anger, mostly. Fear for what she wanted from him. Sadness for the crappy childhood he had because of her. _(… that our family is not as simple as we think it is.)_ Tears began to fall down Alex's cheek. He didn't care. He didn't care if they heard him in here. But he knew that Jo wouldn't understand. How could anyone understand? _(The dream…)_

Alex's head popped up, his hands coming down to his knees. _(…of having a family so idyllic…)_ There was one person who understood. He reached for his phone in his back pocket. Pulling it out, he went to the dial pad and held down the speed dial number. He brought the phone up to his ear, waiting, hoping that she would answer.

With a few rings passed, he started to lose hope. "Come on, Mer. Answer the phone. You're not asleep." he muttered, frustrated.

A few more rings passed, and Meredith's voicemail took over on the other line. Alex closed his eyes, not really wanting to leave a voicemail. The voice of Meredith and the operator were almost, and soon he would have to make a decision. He knelt his head and thought of what he should do. And then…

 _BEEP!_ "Mer, it's me. Pick up the phone. Please." implored Alex, a sense of hurt and sadness in his voice.

When he was finished, Alex pressed the end button and fell back to the wall. His phone still in his hand, he sat for what felt like forever on the bathroom floor, waiting for Meredith to call back. Alex closed his eyes, grip tight on his phone. He had no idea how to handle this. No idea what would bring one of the people who ruined his childhood out here, to Seattle. _(…is shattered.)_ But one thing was for sure, he was not going back out there for the time being. No, he would stay in here until she left. 

_The water from the shower spigot spewed out fast and hot. Steam rose up from all around, spilling over the glass walls. Meredith's hands hit the glass, making imprints, while Derek stood behind her thrusting in and out. His hands were on her waist, and then they moved up her body to her chest, bringing her up with them. Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith, hearing her moan softly. He bent his head down into the small of her neck and placed kiss after kiss, still thrusting._

 _Suddenly, Derek's thrusts became slow and intermittent, yelling out and then resting his body against Meredith's back. He laid his head upon her shoulder and proceeded to kiss her clavicle. Meredith brought her hand up and placed it upon the side of Derek's head. She leaned back into Derek's body as Derek wrapped his arms tighter around her midriff. They remained like this for a few minutes, allowing the hot water to hit them in the back. As both of them panted heavily, trying to catch their breath, Meredith brought her hand down from Derek's head and rested it on top of his arm. Then, Derek slackened his hold on Meredith, allowing her to turn around and face him, but he did not let his arms fall completely._

 _When Meredith faced Derek, she brought her arms up and wrapped them around Derek's neck. She looked up into his eyes, staring at that "McDreamy" smile, while Derek in turn stared down at Meredith._

" _Hi." uttered Derek, his smile beaming across his face._

 _Meredith melted at the sight of his smile. She could stare at that face and that smile forever and never ever get tired of it. She could stand there, in the shower, with Derek holding her, for the rest of her life and not care about the rest of the world. As both of them tightened their holds, Meredith replied, "Hi."_

 _Derek continued to smile. His bangs were flattened against his forehead, his chest hair flattened down as well. He tightened his grip even more and bent down close to Meredith. He put his lips upon hers, and they were soon exploring each other's mouths with their tongues. After a while, Derek broke the kiss, leaned back slightly, and uttered, "I love you."_

 _Meredith smiled at this all the more. She wrapped her arms around Derek's neck tighter, her hands reaching for both elbows. She stepped forward slightly, her gaze never leaving Derek's, until she could feel the water droplets run down his abdomen. She lifted herself up and close to his lips, uttering "I love you too", and then proceeded to kiss Derek's lips._

 _Chills rushed down Meredith's spine. Her toes curled, and her heart beat rapidly against her chest. She never wanted to leave. All she wanted to do was stay here in Derek's arms, allowing him to kiss her everywhere. Meredith's lips left Derek's, her chin coming up to rest on his shoulder while he kissed her neck. But then, she felt Derek's hands leave her waist. Suddenly, she felt this tight grip on both of her arms and then being pulled away from Derek. At arm's length, Derek gazed down at her, with a serious look, and said, "Meredith?"_

 _Meredith had a look of confusion on her face. What was going on? Why'd the kissing stop? Why was she no longer in Derek's embrace? A look of concern spread across her face. She feared something was wrong. And then…_

" _MEREDITH!" yelled Derek, forcibly shaking her, her feet staggering to keep from falling._

Meredith opened her eyes, the spray of water right in front of her. _(So what happens?)_ Her hands down at her side, she allowed the hot spray overwhelm her. Nodding her head from side to side, she let the warmth wash over. And then she heard it again, the voice. Only this time, it was clearer and much, much closer.

"Meredith!" yelled Maggie once more from beyond the curtain.

Meredith turned away from the spray and walked to the edge of the curtain. She opened it slightly and stuck her head, seeing her clothes on the floor and all of her toiletries laying upon the bathroom sink and ledge. As her eyes picked up from the floor, she noticed that the door was open and feet were sticking into the bathroom. Looking up further, she noticed that it was Maggie who had her head poked into the room, hand on the knob.

"What, Maggie?" asked Meredith wearily.

"Ummm… there is a woman downstairs who says she is Derek's mother. She looks to be in her 60s, with a little bit of gray on the sides. What do you want me to do?" replied Maggie.

Meredith stared blankly out into space. Dread began to fill her. _(What becomes of the dream?)_ The dream of her and Derek soon left the confines of her mind. She had not seen her mother-in-law, nor the rest of her sisters-in-law, since the funeral. Meredith looked to the floor, searching for what to do. When the sound of water hitting the floor registered, Meredith closed the curtain and turned off the water. She reached for her robe through the curtain and threw it on. Throwing back the shower curtain, Meredith stepped out of the shower and gathered her things from the floor. Clothes in her arms, she walked towards Maggie and replied, "I'll be down in a minute."

Maggie nodded and left, leaving the door open. Meredith placed her hand on the door and simply stood on the threshold of her bedroom and bathroom. A million questions began to crop up in her mind. She wasn't sure which to focus on first. _(For as bad as we want it to be…)_ Eyeing her bed, Meredith stepped into her bedroom and over to the bed. As she left the bathroom, however, her phone began to vibrate, with Alex's name showing up on the interface. Unbeknownst to her, Meredith threw down the clothes and took off her robe. Putting on underwear and jeans, she searched for her Dartmouth shirt and put it on. Then, strolling over to the door, she placed her hand upon the knob, shut her eyes quickly, and opened the door.

Opening them back up, she peered into the bathroom across the hall and then down the long hallway filled with toys. Meredith let go of the knob and began walking the length of the hall. Her mind kept on trying to choose a question to focus on, but it was to no avail. She passed the kids' rooms, happy that they were asleep. Coming upon the stairs, she began down them, with a question finally popping up in her mind. What would she say to her? What would she do? It's not like she's close to these people. But before she could come up with an answer, Meredith stepped off the steps. She turned around and headed for the foyer.

She stopped right in her tracks, eyes wide, heart pounding. For indeed, Carolyn Shepherd was standing by the door, purse on her arm, waiting for Meredith. But right behind, all dressed in coats, were the other three of Derek's sisters. Meredith opened her mouth, but no sound came out. _(… family is never…)_

"Hello Meredith. It's good to see you again." said Carolyn, staring directly in front of the young woman who was standing right across the foyer from her. _(…as simple as we want it to be.)_

_ **Grey's Anatomy** _

Amelia stood outside on the porch of the house, staring through the glass of the front door. It was morning, and the sun already feet above the horizon. Amelia tugged on the purse hanging from her shoulder, exhaling quite deeply. She did not want to go in. She did not even want to go to work. Having spent the whole night with Owen, all Amelia wanted to do now was crash on her bed. But she knew, as soon as she entered the house, that that would become an impossibility. For she knew, although she tried to forget it, that today was the day of the reading of Derek's will.

The wind picked up at that moment, hitting Amelia and making a small chill run down her spine. It was time to go in, she knew. Unless she wanted to freeze out her, which was not at all a bad idea. But anyhow, Amelia leaned down and searched for her key within her purse. Locating it, she grabbed it and began walking toward the front door. As quietly as she could, she unlocked the door and stepped inside.

Having closed the door, she took a few steps into the house and looked into the living room. She breathed an internal sigh of relief when no one was there. They must have gone on to work, she thought. Amelia began taking normal footsteps over to the stairs, a smile spreading across her face that she would be able to pull this off. Reaching the banister, she placed her hand upon the end of it and turned around, now facing the upward climb. But before she could take her first step, a throat cleared from across the hall.

Amelia winced. Crap, she thought. So much for getting away with it. Amelia stepped away from the stairs and looked down the long hallway that lead to the kitchen. And right in the middle of the hallway, Meredith stood with her arms crossed, her feet staggering, one out and pointing in the direction of the door. Both women simply stared at each other, Amelia with her hand on her purse, Meredith with her arms still crossed. Silence reigned, until Amelia broke it.

"So," she began, apprehensively, "did Maggie already go on in to work?"

"Yes," replied Meredith, shifting her feet once more so that they were back together, Meredith now standing tall, "but she wanted me to tell you that she was delighted to have met your mother last night. Let's see how she put it, now," paused Meredith, looking up towards the ceiling, wracking her brain. Her eyes then widened, and she looked back down towards Amelia. "Ahhh, yes! She said that your mother is "a wonderful woman".

As soon as Meredith mentioned her mother, Amelia's face turned pale white. Her stomach began to turn violently, and she grasped the strap of her purse ever more tightly. Why was her mother here, she thought? What did she want? Amelia's mind went back to the last interaction with her mother. An interaction that she swore would never be thought of again. Amelia looked to the ground, towards the long carpet covering the length of the hallway. She brought her hand up to her stomach, hoping that the nauseous feeling would go away.

As Amelia fought to keep from getting sick, Meredith continued. "So Amelia, you want to tell me where you were last night while I was here tending to your mother? Why you didn't answer any of my calls?"

Amelia kept staring at the floor. What could she say? How could she say it? Her hand still on her stomach, Amelia searched her mind for words. But no words came. After a few minutes, she heard Meredith scoff and began to walk back towards the kitchen. Before she could reach the threshold, however, words suddenly came.

Amelia jerked her head up and bellowed, "I had sex with Owen last night."

Meredith stopped in her tracks. Her arms fell down to her sides as she turned around slowly, facing Amelia once more. "What?"

"We—, we were finished with dinner, and Owen and I had walked out to the car. We were talking a little, and then Owen smiled and I smiled, and well—, we made out and then drove to his place." paused Amelia.

Meredith's mouth hung open. She didn't even know what to say. Today was not the day that she wanted to deal with this. She already had Derek's family in for the reading of the will, plus just the reading itself, was all Meredith could stand at the moment. Meredith closed her mouth and shook her head. She then turned back around and walked towards the kitchen.

"Meredith—," began Amelia.

Meredith spun around once more. "Look, your mother and sisters will be here in a few minutes. Kathleen said that she would watch them while we went to the courthouse. And Amelia, I don't have anything to say except why? Why today? Why now on this difficult day followed by a night of me enduring your whole family?"

Meredith and Amelia stared at each other once more. Meredith had her arms crossed, while Amelia still had her hand on the strap of her purse. Amelia opened her mouth and uttered, "I'm sorry."

Meredith didn't know what to say. But she knew that what she wanted to say wouldn't help matter much. She turned around, dropped her arms, and walked back into the kitchen, leaving Amelia standing by the stairs, head down. 

Maggie scribbled note after note down in the chart in front of her. Her left arm tucked into her chest, her body leaned forward upon the nurses' station, standing on the side nearest the staircase. Her head was tilted sideways, being able to glance at both the chart and all the people coming off and going on the elevators. Quiet chatter filled the area, with a mix of phones ringing and feet shuffling as surgeons hurried off to their respective surgeries.

As she continued to scribble notes down, Maggie suddenly noticed out of the corner of her eye another chart plop down upon the counter. A confused look upon her face, she stopped writing and looked up to see who the chart belonged to. It was Eric, who was grabbing a pen from the lab pocket on his chest.

"Hey. How'd it go last night? With Meredith?" she asked, laying her pen on its side, holding it loosely.

Right away, Maggie beat herself up internally. _Way to be presumptuous, Maggie_ , she thought. Never had she ever pried into someone else's life that she didn't know that well. Even with Meredith, she still kept the questions to herself, even if the problem was way too looked into Eric's face at that moment and saw the pain upon his face. "Sorry. I didn't mean to—," began Maggie.

Maggie quickly trailed off and returned to the chart in front of her. Clearly, what had happened last night was not something that he wanted to repeat. Finding her place in the chart, Maggie began to scribble down notes again. Meanwhile, Eric stood a few feet from her, chart on the counter, simply looking at it. His mind went back to what Meredith said, about not being the 'love of her life', how things "have changed". Unfreezing himself, he grabbed a pen from his lab pocket on his chest and opened up the chart. Pressing down on the top of the pen, he put pen to paper, ready to write. The tip of the pen hovered over the page, while Eric was still bothered by something Meredith said.

"It's just—something Meredith said last night to me doesn't make sense. She said that Derek is the love of her life, that she doesn't want anyone else. But, how can one man change all of that? I just don't get it. What's the big deal with the guy?" asked Eric, turning his head toward Maggie, imploring her for an answer.

When Eric spoke, Maggie's head jerked back up. The pen she was holding was now back close to her front, on its side, thumb on the end of the pen. She stared into Eric's eyes, seeing the hurt and the need for answers. But when Maggie opened her mouth, ready to say something, she was interrupted by another voice coming in from the side.

"Hey Maggie?" called Alex from afar off, walking towards Maggie from the elevators.

Any and all words that Maggie were about to speak were now gone. She turned on her side to see Alex walking towards her, fixated upon her. She laid the pen down upon the open portion of the chart, catching another glance at Eric, who now turned away and down towards his own chart. Maggie gave a sympathetic smile towards him and then turned, putting on a serious look, to Alex.

"Yeah? What do you need, Alex?" she asked.

Alex stopped in front of Maggie, just a few inches from her person. He put his hands inside his pockets. Maggie then stared into his face, seeing the need and pain in his eyes. She then turned around fully, her back to the counter, to Alex and placed her own hands inside her lab pockets.

"Is everything okay? You look…sick." commented Maggie.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Look, have you seen Mer? I've been trying to get a hold of her all morning, but she hasn't been picking up. You know where she is?" implored Alex.

"Yeah. She said that she wasn't coming in today. She said she had a thing with the lawyer about Derek's will. Plus, his mother's came by the house last night." she explained.

Alex winced in frustration. His hands were made fists inside his pockets, as he turned away from Maggie to shrug his shoulders and growl a little. His head was down and staring at the floor, trying to think of what to do. Then, Alex brought his head back up and stared Maggie down, opening his mouth, "Thanks. Um, are you free for a consult right now?"

Maggie nodded. "Yeah, I'm pretty much finished here, with this," she uttered, pointing to the chart sitting on the counter behind her.

"Okay, thanks. I'll fill you in on the way to the room." replied Alex.

"Okay," said Maggie, turning around to close the chart. She handed it back to the nurse, as Alex walked away again. Once the nurse took the chart, she turned to Eric and gave him a sympathetic smile, mouthing, "Sorry. Later?" Eric nodded, giving a small smile. Nodding back, Maggie then left the nurses' station and met up with Alex by the door of the conference right in front of the nurses' station. She caught up to his side, and together the two walked away to the elevators, heading towards the Pediatric floor. 

The car radio clock ticked 10:30 am. The sun continued to rise over the trees surrounding the rows of houses. Driving down the suburban street was a black Ford Explorer, with five people within its doors. Jack Nelson, 42, husband and father to the four inhabitants of the vehicle, had both hands clasped to the wheel, watching in front of him out the windshield. Beside him in the passenger seat was Kate, a beautiful 38 year old woman, with shoulder-length brown hair, her nose buried into her phone. Her hands held onto the edges of the device, her thumbs pecking away at various buttons. Every now and then, Jack's gaze would turn to his side mirrors, checking to see if anyone was behind him. Inevitably, his eyes then turned to his rear-view mirror, checking the direct back and the kids in the backseat.

As his eyes floated from left to right, front and then mirror, the expression on his face changed many times. For indeed, on the far right of the Explorer, right behind the front seat, sat Jack's 17 year old daughter Chloe. She is just like her mother, thought Jack constantly. Beautiful, smart, but unfortunately, also a mouth that constantly got her into trouble. Every time Jack looked at her, a frown formed upon his face. A smart girl, a "catch" for any guy, and yet all she wants to do is sit there, text, play games, and listen to music with her earbuds. Jack shook his head subtly and moved on to the middle. There, his smile somewhat brightened as he gazed upon his other daughter, Jaime, who was 8 years old. Sitting there reading _Charlotte's Web_ , he loved how a strand of her hair always came down into her eyesight. But it was as if she never noticed. She just kept on reading, entranced in the fictional world.

And then, Jack's gaze turned to the far left of the Explorer, where right behind him sat his 13 year old son, Bryce. Now, unlike many 13 year old boys, Bryce actually loved his parents, especially his dad. Whereas most kids his age were distancing themselves, Bryce only grew closer to his family. Staring at his son, with his earbuds in and music blaring, Jack smiled all the more. He was happy that he had raised some well-mannered kids, but he was even happier to share with his son everything about his life.

While Jack's smile continued as he faced the front again, he knew deep down that all was not right. The silence in the car was deafening, Nobody talked; nobody wanted to enjoy the others company. Jack eyed his wife out of the corner of his eye. She was smiling. Jack had not seen that kind of smile on her face in a long time. On their first date, to be precise. Jack turned back to look at the road in front of him, having a good idea of what was going on but too afraid to admit. His smile faded, and words came to the tip of his tongue. But instead, he joined the silence and held his piece.

The Nelson family finally came out of the suburbs. As they reached light after light, everyone stayed in their own world, nose down in whatever it was they were doing. Then suddenly, Jaime looked up from her book, shutting the front upon her finger as a bookmark. She craned her neck to see out of the front, wondering where it was they were on the road. After a few seconds, she became frustrated and sat back in her seat, uttering, "Daddy, when are we gonna get there?"

Jack smiled at his daughter's question. She was so much like him when he was a child. Sitting up in his seat, he stared out the windshield and replied, "Oh honey, we won't be there for another hour or so."

At this answer, Jaime's shoulder's hunched over. Feeling disheartened, she opened her book and returned to the world within it. Meanwhile, Jaime's question sparked another to break the silence in the car.

"I don't know why we all have to go. I have stuff I need to do." remarked Chloe, pressing the down button on her Ipod.

"Shut up, Chloe!" yelled Bryce, so sick of hearing his sister complain.

"You shut up, kiss-ass!" replied Chloe.

"Hey!" interrupted Jack, peering into his rear-view mirror at his oldest two, "We are going to this reunion whether you like or not," said Jack, directing it more towards his oldest daughter, "If you had other plans today, well too bad. This is a family trip, and you are part of this family."

Kate scoffed into her phone. Jack immediately turned from looking at Chloe to his wife, a confused look upon his face. "What?"

For the first time since they left the house, Kate put down her phone. She turned to gaze at her husband, with a "Seriously?" look upon her countenance, and said, "If this were a family, Jack, we wouldn't have to be forced into doing something that we don't want to do. Some of us do actually have other things that we need to get done."

"Like what?" asked Jack.

Kate stammered for words. Unable to come up with a reason, she then said, "Well, I don't have a specific reason, but there are other things that I could be doing besides going to see a mother-in-law who I can't stand."

This cut Jack deeply. As the words seeped into his mind, he turned back to the road, at a loss for words. He tried to keep the tears from flowing but it proved to be impossible. He didn't want to do this. He had told himself, before they left, that they would not fight today. Not at the reunion. Not in front of the kids. Words began to come to the forefront of his mind. He turned his head back to face his wife, uttering, "You didn't have to come, you know? You could have just stayed back and let me and the kids go. You had a choice."

Kate stopped texting. She lowered her phone once more and said, "Oh please, I didn't have a choice. If I didn't go, then somebody would have said that something is wrong."

Jack grasped the wheel tighter. He was not loving her naiveté. Taking a deep breath, he stared out the window and replied, "Well, isn't there?"

Kate jerked her head over to her husband, in disbelief. "What?"

Jack turned his gaze back towards his wife. "Oh come on, Kate. You heard me. You and I both know that there is something wrong. For instance, who is it that keeps texting you?"

Kate was at a loss for words. She stammered, still not believing that Jack would ask that. Kate lowered her head to her lap, words on her tongue. She closed out of the messaging app on her phone and then raised her head again, uttering, "I don't know what you mean."

Jack closed his eyes for a second. The words cut even deeper within him. He knew. He knew very good and well what was wrong. He had always known, for the last year in fact. He just couldn't bring himself to want to admit it or even ask about it. But now, he knew that there was no use in hiding it any longer.

He kept his eyes in front of him, seeing the stop light ahead, still green. As he pressed on the accelerator, tears began to form. Jack opened his mouth and said, "Just say it. You know you want to."

Kate looked out the windshield as well. Her phone was vibrating on her knee, but she knew now was not the time to answer it. She placed her hand around the handle on the door, grasping it tight. Kate then slowly turned her head towards Jack once more. She saw the side of his face, and then Jack turned his head as well.

Opening her mouth, Kate stammered out, "I've been cheating on you. With another man. I just don't love you anymore."

Now the tears began to freely flow down Jack's face. All he could do was stare at Kate, slowly shaking his head, pain filling him. And then… _BAM!_ The horn of the car resounded throughout the whole intersection. The Explorer was driven into another vehicle, with its driver over the steering wheel, unconscious, and its front passenger head first out of the windshield. Up above the intersection, the light remained red.

* * *

Maggie and Alex walked off the elevator and onto the Pediatric floor. Following Alex, Maggie read the chart, getting caught up with the patient. Every now and then, she would look up from the Ipad and to Alex's face. While he did his best to hide it, she could tell that something was wrong. Hurt and pain were hidden underneath the façade of work and surgery. Why did he need Meredith, she thought? What was going on? Soon, Alex stopped near a patient room. Maggie quickly looked in through the window, seeing a happy couple talking with Jo. She turned her head, ready to go in, only stopped by Alex right in front of her.

"Look. I know you're the best, and that's why I told you. I've been with this patient since she and her husband came in for their first appointment. So, don't disappoint me." explained Alex.

Maggie nodded quickly. "Okay."

Alex nodded back and turned away from Maggie, walked towards the door. Maggie followed Alex into the room and caught the end of the conversation with Dr. Wilson.

"It's been rough, you know, these last few months. I can't even see my feet anymore when I stand up. But, as they say, your first is always the hardest, but it's worth it. Right, babe?" said the woman sitting up in the bed.

She grabbed hold of the hand that was next to hers on the bed. It belonged to a young man, in his late 20's, who was standing next to the bed, his arm over the pillow where his wife sat.

"Right, baby." said the man.

"Sam. Leslie," began Alex, walking towards the couple and stopping beside the man, "this is Dr. Pierce. She is the head of Cardiothoracic surgery."

Concern grew upon Leslie's face. She scooted herself up the bed even further, pulling the blanket along with her. "Cardiothoracic surgery? Dr. Karev, what's wrong with Jason?"

Alex stepped up towards the bed a little, hands now in his pockets. Sam stepped back, still holding his wife's hand, gazing into Alex's face. "Leslie," began Alex, switching his gaze from her to Sam, "we think that there might be something wrong with Jason's heart. That is why Dr. Pierce is here to look at the ultrasound Dr. Wilson is doing."

For indeed, Jo was standing over Leslie on the other side of the bed. In her hand was the probe, moving around upon the upper part of Leslie's stomach. Maggie moved around to where Jo was standing, watching the picture on the screen as she moved the probe sideways.

"Move a little more left, Dr. Wilson." said Maggie.

Jo followed Maggie's instructions. Immediately, the picture began to change and so too the heartbeat that could be heard faintly. Maggie's face turned grave, reaching for a pair of gloves herself. Having put them on, Maggie reached for the probe from Jo's hand, muttering "Thank you, Dr. Wilson", and replaced Jo at the ultrasound monitor. Maggie moved the probe more to the left, staring intently at the monitor. Leslie watched as Maggie moved the probe more sideways, up and down. She watched her facial expression grow grimmer, having grown more concerned herself.

Maggie stopped the probe and hit the 'Freeze' button. She then hit the print button and put up the probe. The picture having printed, Maggie grabbed it from the feed and stepped aside so Jo could clean Leslie's belly. She stepped up to the side of the bed, gazing once more down at the picture. Sam and Leslie stared at Maggie, concerned more than ever, waiting for her to speak.

Maggie lowered the picture and looked up to the young couple in front of her. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, it appears that Jason has what we call Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. It is where the left side of the heart is underdeveloped. It also appears that he has a hole between the left and right chambers of his heart."

Silence filled the room. Sam's hand reached down for Leslie's shoulder, and Leslie reached up to grab it. Leslie looked down at her belly, rubbing the side of it where Jason was kicking the most. A few minutes passed, tears slowly falling down both parents' faces. Leslie then gazed back up to Maggie, uttering, "How'd this happen? Why is his heart underdeveloped?"

"The causes of this are still, on the whole, unknown. But," stopped Maggie, approaching the bed and laying her hand upon Leslie's, "Leslie, we can fix it. It won't be easy, no, but I have seen this before and performed this surgery a few times."

"Surgery?" asked Leslie, panicked.

"Yes, Leslie. Dr. Karev will take you up and deliver the baby. I will then take your son and do my very best to repair this. Okay?" asked Maggie, leaning over the rail now.

Leslie nodded, tears flowing down her cheeks. Maggie reached her hand up and patted Leslie's shoulder. She then stood up and walked back to the table where the chart was. Grabbing the chart, she motioned with her head for Alex and Jo to follow her out. Leslie now turned to Sam and wrapped her arms around his waist, now crying into his shirt. Sam reciprocated and sat down upon the bed. While they couple comforted one another, the doctors quietly made their way out, Jo pushing the ultrasound monitor into the corner of the room.

When all three doctors were out in the hallway, Maggie gave the chart back to Alex, with the ultrasound photo, and said to Jo, "Call the OR and let them know we're coming down."

"Right," said Jo, nodding her head and leaving Alex and Maggie standing in front of the window.

They both stood in front of the window, silent, watching Sam climb onto the bed with Leslie, comforting her. As they both began to cry, a tear fell down Maggie's cheek. She hated this. This was always, indefinitely, the worst part of the job, she thought. No child, no set of parents, deserve this. Maggie and Alex continued to stand in front of the window, Alex now with a look of wonder on his face. Scrunching his face up, he turned towards Maggie and asked, "How many Norwoods have you done?"

"Truthfully, Alex," began Maggie, glancing away from the window and to the side, arms crossed, "I've only done two. And one of them was successful." 

Meredith slipped her feet into the heels that she had picked out. She pressed her hands to her front, making sure that all of the wrinkles were out. The door to the dresser that was in the corner of the bedroom was open. The mirror that was on the inside caught the reflection of the bed and the many outfits that were tried on but had failed. Standing in the middle of the mirror, Meredith turned her head to face the glass, catching herself within it. She was still unsure about this particular pant suit. She walked closer to the mirror, slightly turning to see how it looked from the side.

" _Ughhh! This is so not me."_ she thought.

Meredith straightened herself back up and gazed directly into the mirror. Her eyes scanned the beige pant suit, with the white blouse underneath the jacket. She then turned her attention to her hair, lifting a hand up to make sure that there was not a stray hair. Once everything was good, she lowered her hand to her side and just simply stared full-on into the mirror. She felt ridiculous. The pant suits, the formal wear… It wasn't her. But then again, she thought, she couldn't just wear sweatpants and a sweatshirt down to the courthouse. This was important. This is what Derek had wanted.

Meredith's mind swirled with memories. _"Pick me, choose me, love me." "You don't get to call me a whore." "I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you forever."_ A sick feeling began to stir in Meredith's stomach. She clutched her front, trying not to get sick. As more memories swirled, a tear fell down Meredith's cheek. Looking into the mirror, at herself, she thought that she was over it. She thought that the grief was done. Placing both hands on her front now, Meredith lowered her head and closed her eyes. _No. I can't have all of these memories circling. I need to keep it together._

Meredith opened her eyes. Immediately, she noticed that another set of hands were upon hers. She could feel warm breath upon her neck. Her shoulders arched, and her head came back up, eyes once more closed. The breath continued as Meredith lowered her head back to normal. And there, in the mirror, she saw Derek standing behind her, his arms wrapped around her so tight, wearing his favorite jeans and his light blue t-shirt.

Derek kissed Meredith's neck softly and then looked up into the mirror. He showed his smile, which made Meredith tear up all the more, uttering, "You look amazing, babe."

Meredith chuckled. She leaned back into Derek and felt the warmth from his body. "No, I look ridiculous. I hate wearing pant suits."

Derek growled seductively into Meredith's neck. Kiss after kiss, he laid them upon her, moving his head from one side to the other. If it were possible, Derek tightened his hold upon Meredith around her waist, making sure that there was no gap between them.

In between kisses on her neck, Derek said, "You. are. beautiful."

After that last kiss, Derek rested his chin upon Meredith's shoulder. They both simply stared into the mirror, Meredith with her hands upon Derek's arms. Silence ensued. Meredith leaned once more into Derek, her head drawing back and resting upon Derek's shoulder. Derek, meanwhile, had his lips upon her neck, but he was not kissing her. Finally, both of them directed their gaze back to the mirror.

"My wife is an incredible woman, and she is capable of handling my family. You can do this, Meredith. You are an extraordinary surgeon, the mother of my children, and the love of my life." whispered Derek into Meredith's ear.

As he gave her one last kiss on the cheek, someone knocked at the door. Meredith's eyes flew open and to the mirror. But alas, it was only her standing within it. She turned away from the mirror as another knock was rapped on the door, her heart sinking a little to find that no one was in the room with her. She wiped away the tears that had fallen upon her cheek and made her way over to the door, putting her hand on the knob. Wrenching it open, she found Amelia standing on the other side, looking directly at her.

"They're here. You ready?" uttered Amelia.

Meredith nodded slightly. "As ready as I'll ever be."

Amelia turned and walked back down the hall, leaving Meredith standing by her door. Sighing, she closed her door and began walking down the hall, noting that her purse was hanging on the hook in the kitchen. Meredith walked down the stairs, hand on the banister, laughter and chatter beginning to fill her ears. She made it to the bottom of the stairs and strolled over to the entrance of the living room. In the middle of all the people gathered, on the floor, was Zola in a princess costume with a tiara on her head, a scepter in her right hand, standing by a new Barbie's Dream House. Bailey sat upon Kathleen's lap, over by the couch, playing with a Captain America figure, wondering what on earth it was. And Lizzie was bouncing Ellis up and down on her shoulder over in the corner.

Meredith slightly smiled at her children's happiness. She looked over at Bailey, tears beginning to form once more. He looked so much like Derek, she thought. Meredith placed her hand upon the wood trimming, finally noticing the new toys Zola had. At once, Meredith put on a terse look, frustrated with her mother-in-law already.

"Zola already has a Barbie's Dream House, Carolyn. She did not need another." said Meredith firmly.

Sitting on the couch directly across from Meredith, Carolyn looked up from watching Zola twirl. Her face went from that of a smile to that of a concerned but determined look. Bringing her hands to her jacket, she pulled on the edges and sat up straighter in the process, staring at Meredith all the while.

"Oh Meredith, it does not hurt her to have two of everything. Besides, I hardly get to see them throughout the year." replied the woman, turning back to watch Zola.

At these words, Meredith wanted to lunge forward at her mother-in-law. Her eyes turned to looks of daggers, her grasp on the trim tightening. How dare she suggest that she never lets her see the kids, she thought. Meredith opened her mouth, ready to retort. However, Amelia stepped in, seeing Meredith beginning to fume and wanting to avoid a total meltdown.

She walked to the center of everything and gazed at her watch. "Well, I believe it's time for us to get to the Courthouse. We don't want to be late for the meeting."

At this announcement, everyone stared at their watches. Eyes bulging out, Carolyn and other daughter, Nancy, stood up quickly from the couch. They both grabbed their purses and quickly made the round of kisses before heading to the door. Kathleen stood up from the couch, holding Bailey, while Lizzie set Ellis down upon her blanket in front of the television. Everyone exited the living room, grabbing their things to head out. When it was just her and Kathleen, Meredith moved forward and bent down to the floor.

Meredith drew close to Zola and uttered, "Bye babe. I'll see you later, all right?"

Zola looked up from the many dolls on the floor, a smile beaming across her face. She dropped the doll that was in her hands, reached up, and put her arms around Meredith's neck. "Bye, Mama. I love you."

Those three words melted Meredith's heart instantly. She didn't want to go. All she wanted to do was stay there with her kids. Meredith squeezed Zola tightly before letting her go, smiling broadly at her. She then moved away from Zola and towards Ellis, who was shaking a toy. Crawling up to her cheek, Meredith placed a kiss on it, receiving a giggle from her youngest. Meredith placed her hand upon Ellis' head and then stood up, facing Kathleen.

"Lunch is in the refrigerator for Zo and Bailey. Ellis' is in the cupboard. You have my number, right?" asked Meredith.

Kathleen nodded her head while holding Bailey. "I do, yes."

"Okay," uttered Meredith, staring down once more at her two daughters. She brought her head back up and gazed over at Bailey. Keeping the tears at bay, Meredith walked over to Kathleen and bent down to kiss him on the cheek.

"Bye baby. Mama will see you later, okay?" she asked.

Instead of giving her a kiss, Bailey dropped the action figure and reached out his hands towards Meredith's face. He grabbed both cheeks and gave her a kiss on the lips. Meredith touched her hand to her son's and simply stared at him. Derek. That's all she could see in his face.

"Wuv you, Mama." said Bailey.

Meredith could not stop the tears now. One began to fall as she kissed him on the cheek and stood back up. Looking at Kathleen quickly, she saw the sympathetic look on her face and said, "It won't take long."

And with that, Meredith left the living room. She walked down the hallway towards the kitchen and to her purse. There, hanging on the hook right inside the door, she reached up and grabbed it. As she swung the purse over her shoulder, her gaze landed quickly upon the picture of Derek, standing alone and smiling in his light blue t-shirt. The tears now flowed freely down Meredith's face. After a few more seconds, she wiped her eyes and walked out of the kitchen. Turning to the right, Meredith walked past the living room once more and out the front door.

* * *

Alex stood still as the nurse behind him tied up the surgical gown. Once finished, with gloves on and mask secure over his mouth, Alex walked over to the table where everything was prepped for the Cesarean. The nurse finished applying the betadine to Leslie's stomach as Alex looked over the drape to the happy couple. Wearing a surgical gown, mask, and head cap, Sam leaned over the stool he was on, gently rubbing Leslie's forehead, comforting her quietly.

"You guys ready to meet the newest member of your family?" asked Alex.

Leslie chuckled. A smile formed upon her mouth as silent tears fell down her face. A chill went down Sam's spine as he gazed upon Leslie's. He still couldn't believe it. He still couldn't believe that with this amazing woman, he was about to become a dad, about to start a family. Smiling himself under his mask, he looked up towards Alex.

"Yes, Dr. Karev. We're ready." he replied.

Alex nodded, hands held up to his chest. He turned away from the couple and stared directly at Jo who was standing on the other side of the table. Although Alex could not see her entire face, he knew the expression that was under it. He knew what she wanted to say. But he couldn't deal with that right now. He couldn't deal with his mother, not even in the OR. Wiping the thought of his mother from his mind, Alex extended his hand, palm up, uttering, "Scalpel."

The scrub nurse extended her arm with the small piece of silver metal. She laid it in Alex's palm, him immediately gripping the end of it. He brought his arm back and took a deep breath. Alex lowered the scalpel to the incision area. He placed his other hand upon the site, keeping it steady, lowering the knife more. But before he could cut into the abdomen, a pager went off.

Footsteps were heard shuffling. Alex stood straight back up, relaxing his grip on the scalpel. Sighing, he called out, "What is it?"

One of the nurses picked up the pager and turned around. She read it quickly and looked up. "It's Dr. Wilson's. It says to report to the ER."

At this, Jo gave a confused look under her mask. She turned from the nurse back to Alex, wondering what it was she should do. Alex turned back himself and uttered, "Go."

Alex kept his head down as Jo stepped back from the table. She took off her gown and wadded it up, tossing it into the waste bin by the door. Taking off her gloves and mask, she then opened the door and exited the OR. As soon as the door closed, Alex steeled himself. He closed his eyes and pushed back his shoulders. Opening them again, he tightened his grip on the scalpel, bringing it back down to the surgical area. He placed his other hand near where he would cut, keeping it steady. Lowering the scalpel, Alex made the cut across the abdomen.

Making sure it was deep enough, Alex finished with the incision. He gave the scalpel back and turned toward the monitor. Everything was good and stable. He then turned towards one of the nurses at the baby's monitor, asking, "And the baby?"

The nurse looked up and called out, "The baby is stable."

Alex nodded. He placed his hands around the incision and opened it up. Inside, he could see the baby and the inside of the uterus. Lowering his hands into the incision, Alex scooped the baby and began slowly lifting him out. When the baby breached the surface, it began to cry. Over the drape, both Sam and Leslie had tears rolling down their faces. With his hand still upon Leslie's forehead, Sam craned his neck to see what was going on. With one hand under the head and the other on the bottom, Alex continued to lift the baby up. Alex formed a small smile staring at the child's face. But as Alex's eyes surveyed the rest of the baby, the smile began to fade as his eyes landed between the child's legs. For indeed, what Alex saw between the child's legs was indeed a small penis but also a small vagina. _"An intersex baby."_ thought Alex.

Alex then looked up to the parents over the drape. He saw their smiling faces, their tears of joy. How in the world was he going to break this news? A small tear formed on his eye, rolling down his cheek. When he saw Sam look up to him, Alex swiftly sniffed away the tears and gently shook his head.

"Dr. Karev? Can we see him?" asked Sam.

Alex tried to form a smile. "Even better, Mr. Cameron, you can cut the umbilical cord."

Sam's face brightened. He stood up from the stool, taking his hand away from Leslie's forehead. He reached over to Alex, seeing the pair of scissors held out for him by the nurses. Grabbing the scissors, he cut the cord where the nurse told him to. When he was finished, Alex made sure that what was between the baby's legs was in Sam's field of vision. Sam gave back the scissors and before he turned his head, he looked down to see between his son's legs.

Sam's face immediately went from a smile to a horrified look. He placed his hand upon his stomach, as if trying to catch his breath. Sam stared at the half-formed penis, half-formed vagina, barely breathing. When he caught his breath, he looked up to Alex and uttered, very softly, "What is this? Where is my son's penis?"

Hearing this, Leslie lifted her head, confused. All she could see was Alex holding her baby while her husband stared at the doctor, all traces of a smile now gone. Leslie began to grow concerned. What was going on? Why did Sam ask that?

Trying to lift her head more, Leslie asked, "What's going on? Sam, what's wrong?"

Trying to control his anger, Sam turned away from Alex, without even looking at his son in his arms. He returned to the stool, laying his hands in his lap, his gaze directly on the floor. He was furious. All of his expectations were now crashing and burning. Leslie turned to look at her husband, extending her hand for his.

"Sam? Sam, what is it? Is there something else wrong with Jason?" asked Leslie.

Alex could not move. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. If it was not for the fact that he had a newborn in his arms, he would've gladly decked the guy. And then, memories swirled of his own life, own childhood. His father yelling at his mother, him beating up his father. Tears began to roll. And then…

 _BEEEEEEEP!_

Alex came out of his reverie. He looked up to monitor. Leslie had flat-lined. Turning around, Alex yelled to get the baby to Maggie. As he looked over into the incision site, he noticed blood and lots of it in the uterus.

"Get OB! STAT!" yelled Alex.

Sam looked up from the floor, seeing the scrambling of everyone in the OR. He then turned to the table and what Alex was doing. Sam yelled for Alex's attention. When a nurse grabbed him by the arm, pulling him in the direction of the door, tears freely flowed now down his cheeks, as Alex yelled out, "She's bleeding out!" 

The doors of the ER swung open, and the first gurney rushed right in. Richard and Stephanie ran with the gurney, hearing the paramedic yell out the patient's information.

"Kate Nelson, 38, flew through the windshield in the accident! Arrested once in the ambulance but was revived! Still unconscious at a BP of 142/100!

Richard and Stephanie rushed past the front desk and headed towards an available trauma room. Right on their heels, another gurney rushed in, with Jo and Isaac running with it. The paramedic pushed the gurney from behind, yelling out the patient's vitals.

"Bryce Nelson, 13, sustained only a broken arm! BP stable in the 120's!"

"Wher—Where's my dad? My mom? Where did they go?" asked Bryce, scared and frantically moving his eyes from side to side since his head was strapped down to a C-collar.

Jo reached up and placed a hand upon Bryce's shoulder. Feeling the touch of a hand, Bryce's eyes turned toward Jo. His breathing quick and his eyes wide, Jo could see the fear in Bryce's face.

"Bryce, you're okay. You're at the hospital. We're going to take care of you, all right?" explained Jo as calmly and patiently as possible.

With this, Bryce calmed his breathing and looked Jo directly in the eye. "Where is my dad? Have you seen him? Is he okay?"

Jo looked upon Bryce with a sad, sympathetic look upon her face. She then looked up and headed towards one of the nearby empty beds in the ER. As Jo, Isaac, and the paramedic with the gurney lifted Bryce onto the bed, more gurneys rolled in. One had a young girl who was said to be 8 years old, while the other two had an adult male in his 30's, with the other a 17-year-old girl.

Once everyone was on a bed and all the gurneys taken back out, the doctors began their work. Examining pupil to pupil and every inch of their bodies, the various residents and interns yelled out for consults and for CT's. And then, the doors opened one last time, one more gurney rolling into the ER.

"Jack Nelson, 42, driver at the scene! BP holding in the 130s! Unconscious!" yelled the paramedic.

As the paramedic led the gurney in, Eric rushed to its side. Clasping his hands down to the edge of the bed, he gazed upon the man below, a cut across the left side of the man's skull. Eric and the paramedic led the gurney over to a bed on the far side of the ER. On the count of three, the two men, plus some nurses, lifted Jack off the gurney and onto the bed. As they began hooking the man up to the monitors, Jack opened his eyes.

Everything was blurry, unclear. He slowly began to move his head from side to side, trying to find something. Arm after arm ran across Jack's field of vision, to which Jack lifted up one of his in a clearing motion. "Where—Where are my children? Where's my wife?"

Jack tried to sit up, but Eric's hand pushed him back down. "Sir, you're at the hospital. We're going to take of you. You just need to lie still, okay, while we examine you."

With his stethoscope in his ears, Eric then listened to Jack's heart. He nodded his head and took off his stethoscope. Grabbing at the pocket on his chest, he took out his small light and lifted each of Jack's pupils, making sure there was a response. Nodding his head once more, Eric then turned to the cut upon the man's head.

While Eric did this, Jo stood at the side of Bryce's bed, lifting his right arm up. "Does that hurt?"

Wincing, Bryce replied, "Yeah, it does."

Jo nodded and put it back down on the bed. "Bryce, we'll need to get some X-rays to see how badly your arm is broken. Most likely, we'll just need to put it into a cast, okay?"

Bryce nodded his head, smiling somewhat. "Okay. Thanks."

Jo smiled and placed a hand upon his shoulder. She then grabbed everything up and moved it to the table at the end of the bed. Catching up the chart, Jo then said, "I'll be right back, Bryce" and turned away from the bed, heading towards the ER nurses' station. But before she could reach the desk, she heard a muffled flatline in the nearby trauma room. Turning toward the noise, she peered through the window to see Stephanie starting compressions and Richard yelling out instructions. But it was too late. After a couple minutes, Stephanie stopped the compressions, and Jo, reading Richard's mouth, read "Time of death: 15:25."

The nurse turned off the heart monitor. Stephanie stepped back from the bed, head down. Jo lowered her head down, a single tear falling from her eye. Looking back up, she quickly wiped it away and headed towards the nurses' station. Laying the chart down on the counter, she uttered, "Hi. I need an X-ray on Bed 2, Bryce Nelson. And page Dr. Torres as well with that. Thank you."

The nurse nodded her head and picked up the phone. Before Jo could leave the station, however, she was grabbed by the arm from behind. Confused, Jo turned back around to see Helen Karev standing beside her, retreating her hand.

"Dear, you said that Alexander would be down here in a few minutes. Well, it's been more than a few minutes, dear. I would like to see my son." said Mrs. Karev.

"Um, well—Mrs. Karev, I—," stammered Jo.

Jo looked around the room, hoping that a solution would come to her. Why, why did this woman have to see Alex now, she thought? Can't she see that they're busy? Jo's eyes frantically searched the room, Mrs. Karev's eyes burning into her. Finally, Jo spotted Alex walking into the ER with a downtrodden look upon his face. Spotting Jo, Alex rushed over, dodging nurses' and interns, to the nurses' station.

"Hey Jo. Have you seen a man, late 20's, blonde hair, in the waiting room down here?" asked Alex.

"No, I haven't. Alex—," began Jo.

Alex continued. "Crap. I have to tell my patient's husband that she didn't make it."

"Alex, dear—," interrupted Helen, saying a little louder than normal. Alex stopped his searching and finally turned to see his mother standing right next to Jo. Her purse around her arm, her scarf wrapped around her neck, Helen Karev stared directly into her son's eyes.

As Alex sighed heavily, Helen continued, "Dear, look, I know you are busy, and I need to be on my way as well. So, if you could just give me my money, I'll be gone."

Alex couldn't deal with this. Not right now. Not when his patient has suddenly died and her husband thinks their son is a freak. As the memories began to flood back in, Alex snapped. "LOOK! I'm not giving you any money. If you need it so badly, get it somewhere else. But, get the hell out of my life! NOW!"

Jo and Helen both jumped a little. As Alex's chest heaved rapidly, his eyes began to wander around the ER. Total silence. Every eye, doctors and patients, was now upon him, Jo, and his mother. Feeling exhaustion and aggravation, Alex put both hands upon his waist, kneeling his head to his chest. After a couple more minutes of silence, Alex still staring at the floor, Helen Karev finally broke the silence, saying stiffly, "Fine. I'll leave. But you'll regret this."

And with that, Helen Karev stepped back and around both doctors. With her purse around her arm, she buttoned up her coat and walked out of the ER doors. As the doors began to close, and activity began to resume, Alex lifted up his head, turned to Jo and stared for a second, and then turned around and walked out of the ER the way he came in. 

Meredith sat in the comfortable, black leather chair at the long, round conference table. It stretched from one end of the room where shelves of books were stacked to the other end where the door to the hallway stood. Behind Meredith was a wall of windows, overlooking the Seattle skyline. The sun was now beginning its slow descent to the horizon, indicating that it was at least 2 or 3:00 in the afternoon.

As Meredith sat with her hands in her lap, back resting into the seat, legs crossed, her mind began to wander to the past again. To the moment when Derek told her that he wanted to die, 110 years old, in her arms. Oh why, she thought, why was she not ready then? Her mind then flashed to when Derek told her that he loved her forever. That he had made the wrong choice once; that it was up to her. Tears began to fill up in Meredith's eyes. To keep them from flowing, she closed her eyes and tried to block out the constant chatter of Nancy and Lizzie.

And finally, her mind wandered to that moment, the night before the plane accident, to what she said to Derek. _I can live without you, but I don't want to._ Why? Why did it have to happen, she thought? Why must she now sit here and wait to see what Derek left her? She already knew what was going to happen. Derek would give many of his things to his family, to his mother and his sisters. She would get nothing.

Meredith closed her eyes even more, trying to think. But the chatter from the two sisters seemed to grow even louder. Meredith moved her hands from her lap to the armrests, grasping them ever tightly, trying to keep her resolve. However, Nancy's voice reached a new pitch that made Meredith snap completely.

"SHUT UP! Just. Shut. Up! Who cares what Derek left you? This meeting shouldn't even be taking place!" yelled Meredith, her voice inevitably breaking in the process.

Silence ensued. Meredith suddenly realized that she was standing, arms splayed out upon the table, a death glare upon her face. Nancy and Lizzie sat back in their seats, not liking that they were silenced. Amelia lowered her head and stared at her hands. Mad at herself for not doing what Meredith did, she looked back up and simply stared out to a space on the floor between the chairs. As Meredith sat back down, gaining her composure once more, the door opened finally to reveal a somewhat young man, maybe mid-30s, walk into the room, in a business suit, with a folder in hand.

"Good afternoon, all." said the man as he closed the door behind him.

The lawyer walked down the length of the table to the other end. He set his folder down and pulled out the leather chair from the table. Sitting down, opening the folder, Meredith straightened up and looked dead-on to the lawyer. _This is it_ , she thought. She placed one hand upon the armrest and breathed in deeply as the lawyer spoke up.

Clasping his hands together upon the opened folder, the lawyer spoke, "Well, thank you all for meeting me here this afternoon. I'm sorry it has to be under these circumstances. Anyways," he paused, unclasping his hands and looking down at the pile of papers before him, slightly adjusting them before looking back up, "there really is not much that we need to go over concerning Mr. Shepherd's will."

Meredith lowered her head. Tears quickly rushed down. Her stomach soon went into knots, as if someone had just plunged a knife into her gut. _Mr. Shepherd's will?_ she thought. None of this was supposed to be happening. She wasn't supposed to be hearing what was in Derek's will yet. Meredith placed a hand upon her stomach and looked back up, trying to maintain composure.

The lawyer continued, "The will is rather straightforward, actually. Having been updated quite recently, Mr. Shepherd requested that everything, which includes assets, property, and all personal belongings, be given to…"

 _Here it is_ , thought Meredith. Here was the moment where Derek would choose his mother and his sisters over her. Here was the moment that she had been dreading since she got the call from the lawyer a month ago. Meredith took in a deep breath and lowered her breath, clasping both hands to the armrests.

"…Ms. Grey." finished the lawyer.

Meredith jerked her head up to the lawyer, a surprised look upon her face. The knotted feeling in her stomach began to dissipate. Her grasp on the armrests began to slacken. Her shoulders relaxed, and a small smile began to form upon her face.

"What?!" screamed Carolyn.

"The will, Mrs. Shephard, clearly instructs that Meredith Grey be given everything that Mr. Shephard owned. And before you argue that I change the will," he paused, holding up his index finger while Carolyn drew in a breath to speak, holding the 'O'-shape upon her mouth, "this is what Derek Shephard wanted, and I am bound by law to follow his wishes in this document."

Carolyn closed her mouth. She stared down the lawyer thinking that she could, with one glance, change his mind. However, the lawyer kept his resolve, not blinking an eye back at the woman. Carolyn huffed and puffed, uttered "Well!", and stormed out of the conference room. Hurriedly, Nancy and Lizzie stood up from their chairs and went after their mother, making sure that she was alright. Amelia, a sliver of a smile upon her face, slowly got up and walked to the door. She sighed while opening the door and closed her eyes for a moment, gaining composure. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes and walked out of the door.

Now, it was just Meredith and the lawyer in the conference room. The knotted feeling in her stomach had now faded, and her hands were now back upon her lap. She stared down at the table, at its shiny, waxed surface. Looking into it, she noticed her reflection. Derek loved her, she always knew that. So, why did she ever doubt what he would give her?

As Meredith pondered this, the lawyer had gathered his things up quietly and was now standing beside her chair. He pulled an envelope out of the folder and extended it to her, saying, "Mr. Shephard also asked that this be given to you."

Meredith looked up at the lawyer, surprised at his proximity, and then looked down at the letter. Taking it from the man, she nodded and uttered, "Thank you."

The man smiled, replying, "You're welcome. I heard about what happened to your husband, and I just want to say that I'm sorry."

Meredith smiled. "Thank you."

"Well," said the man, swinging his free arm, "goodbye, and have a good day."

The lawyer turned from Meredith and walked down to the door, opening it and exiting. Meredith was now the only one left in the conference room. She held the white envelope in her hands, the side with her name scrawled in Derek's handwriting on top. Meredith sat up on the edge of her seat and simply stared at the envelope. What was inside, she wondered? What had Derek written that she didn't know about? What did he want her to know that she did not already know?

Meredith held and stared at the envelope a moment longer. She then shook her head and grabbed her purse which was sitting by her seat. Putting the envelope inside, Meredith stood up from the chair and walked away from the table. Her purse now over her shoulder, she stopped and stared out at the setting sun. _So beautiful_ , she thought. Her eyes came inward from the horizon, surveying every inch of the city of Seattle that the window caught. She sighed, able to breathe relief that it was over. Meredith turned from the window and walked down to the door. Opening it, she went through the threshold and down the hallway the same way she came in. The door banged shut with a resounding noise behind Meredith as she came closer to where Amelia was sitting by the elevators. Meredith looked around, confused.

Stopping in front of Amelia, she asked, "Where's your mother? Nancy and Liz?"

Amelia stood up from the chair and swung her purse over her shoulder. She stared directly at Meredith and replied, "They were arguing so I told them to leave. I couldn't deal with it any longer, and I figured that you are too exhausted to handle any more of my family's craziness."

Meredith chuckled and nodded. "Yes. They are exhausting."

Smiles appeared on both women's faces. When the chuckling ended, silence resumed and faces turned to the floor. Unsure of what to say, Meredith began walking towards the elevators, leaving Amelia standing in front of the chair. Meredith pressed the down button and waited. Amelia, meanwhile, continued to stand still, wanting to say something but not sure how to put it. Her grip tightened on the strap of her purse, and her left hand slid into the pocket of her jeans. Finally, words came.

Amelia turned and uttered, "Meredith?"

Meredith turned around to face Amelia. "Yeah?"

"I just want to say I'm sorry for this morning. I didn't mean to put you off like that with my family. I just—when it comes to my family, I don't know what to do. And I sometimes do things that I regret later on. I should've realized that you were going through the same thing today, if not more difficult. Anyways, I'm sorry, Meredith." explained Amelia.

Meredith smiled slightly. "It's alright, Amelia. Thank you."

"See you at home, then?" asked Amelia.

At that moment, the elevator dinged. The down arrow light came on, and the doors of the elevator parted to reveal the car. Hearing the ding, Meredith turned back around and proceeded to enter the elevator. Amelia ran to climb on before it closed. Just in the nick of time, Amelia made it in and the doors shut. She turned around and, like Meredith, faced the doors and watched the lights at the top as the elevator moved down. Both women faced forward, clutching their purses, silent. And then, Meredith turned her head toward Amelia and said, "See you at home."

Amelia smiled and slightly turned her gaze toward Meredith. As quickly as she did, she looked back to the doors, and the both of them waited to reach the lobby. 

The heart monitor beeped. Silence filled the room as Maggie leaned over the OR table, headset on and casting its light down into the small chest cavity. One by one, Maggie's hands ascended and descended with the surgical suture attached. Her eyes were focused upon the small aorta, watching closely as she attached the shunt to both it and the pulmonary artery. Ever slowly, but meticulously, Maggie weaved in and out.

As Maggie worked, the door of the OR opened and footsteps drew close to the OR table. "How's it going in here?" called a male voice.

Maggie continued her suture, not wanting to be distracted and make a mistake. As she pulled up on the suture, close to the finish, she gave a quick glance up to see who it was that entered her OR. When she did, she noticed that it was Alex.

"Almost finished here, actually. We had a rough start, but once I finally got him on bypass, things have been smooth. How's the mother?" asked Maggie.

Alex closed his eyes. He really wished that Maggie had not asked that. He was not even sure of how to tell Sam. It all happened so quickly. One minute she was fine, and the next she was bleeding out, unable to be revived. Alex opened his eyes again, an answer upon his lips.

"I'm afraid that she didn't make it." said Alex somberly through his mask.

Maggie jerked her head up. She was nearly done with the suture. Her hands frozen in place, Maggie stared at Alex, eyes wide and mouth agape under her mask.

"What? How?" she asked.

"One minute, she was fine and excited to see the baby. And then the next, she was panicking and all of a sudden bleeding out. She was hemorrhaging too much. We just couldn't get control." explained Alex.

Maggie looked away from Alex to the ground, sighing. She suddenly realized that it was more important than ever that she finish now. That this baby, her patient, live. Maggie turned her gaze to over the drape, where Jason's head was. Seeing the small intubation tube in his throat, Maggie's throat became caught. She cleared her throat and then turned to the other end, remembering what she saw when Jason first came into the OR.

Maggie stared back at her hands holding the last part of the suture. She then turned back up to Alex and said, "How are you going to tell the father? This will not be easy for him. First finding out that his son has ambiguous genitalia and now that his wife is dead? What are you going to do, Alex?" asked Maggie.

Alex shut his eyes once more, tired of people asking him that. He was tired of people asking him what he wanted or what he was going to do. He was tired of people assuming that he had all the resources and answers. He was tired of losing patients who did not deserve to die. Sighing heavily, Alex opened his eyes and turned toward the door.

"Alex?" asked Maggie.

"I don't know, Maggie!," yelled Alex, turning around swiftly back toward the OR table. "I don't know how to tell my patient's husband that he just lost his wife. How to tell him that his son is different than other people. How to explain to him what life will be like with an intersexual kid!"

 _BEEP BEEP BEEP!_ The alarm sounded on the heart monitor. Maggie jerked her head toward the monitor, seeing that Jason was becoming hypertensive. A confused look registered upon her face, wondering why his BP was rising. But then, Maggie looked down, and a sinking feeling rose up in her stomach.

"Crap! I pulled a little too hard on the suture! The tissue's starting to tear!" yelled Maggie.

Alex ran into the scrub room to scrub in. Maggie quickly yelled for suction. Her hands raced trying to finish the suture and get to the tear. As she called out for various drugs, Alex soon came back in and was gowned up. But then, the flatline appeared.

* * *

It was early evening. The sun had made it to the horizon once more, beginning to fade. The ER calmed, the mess of the day now being cleaned up. Doctors scrambled to check on their patients before they left. But up in the NICU, all was quiet. Heart monitors quietly recorded every heartbeat. Parents held one another as they stared at their child in the incubators. Some slept in the rocking chairs, while the other held their baby's hand. And over in the corner, Sam Cameron stood by his son's incubator, hands in pockets, staring at his small son. Tears rolled down his eyes as suddenly, his hand came out of its pocket and placed itself upon the incubator.

Alex strolled to the entrance of the NICU. Out of breath, he spotted Sam and began to make his way over to the now widowed father. "Mr. Cameron?"

Sam jumped a little, startled at hearing Alex. He looked up from the incubator, tears still rolling from his eyes, at Alex. "He looks so peaceful. As if he does not have a care in the world. Dr. Pierce told me that it was a difficult surgery, that it would be awhile in recovery. But look at him. Calm and peaceful. But how are we supposed to raise him? How are we supposed to ignore the fact that our son has ambiguous parts? I don't know if I can do that, Dr. Karev. I'm not strong like Les—," began Sam.

"Mr. Cameron? Will you follow me, please?" asked Alex.

Looking confused, Sam nodded his head slowly. Alex turned back around and began to walk out of the NICU. Sam looked back at his son and closed his eyes. He took his hand away from the box and followed Alex out. Walking down hallway after hallway, Alex finally found an empty room. Opening the door, he said to Sam, "After you, Mr. Cameron."

Confused more than ever, Sam asked, "What's this about, Dr. Karev?"

"Just step inside, Mr. Cameron." said Alex, as gentle as he could make it.

Sam stepped inside the empty exam room. He walked over to the table and turned around, facing Alex. Alex walked in behind him, closing the door with him. He took a few steps forward and put his hands down his front lab coat pockets.

"Dr. Karev, what is this about? Why did we come in here?" asked Sam once more, confusion written all over his face.

Wiping his face of emotion, Alex looked directly into Sam's face. "Mr. Cameron, your wife—,"

"No. No, please." interrupted Sam, seeing the look on Alex's face, tears streaming down his eyes.

"Your wife did not make through the surgery. When we took Jason out, her uterus did not contract, and she began to bleed out. We did everything we could, but we just couldn't save Leslie. I'm sorry, Mr. Cameron, but your wife is dead." explained Alex.

Sam's mouth began to quiver. More tears streamed down his face. He tried to clutch the side of the exam table but he could not. "No. No, this wasn't supposed to happen. We were supposed to raise our child together. What am I going to do now?" said Sam.

Alex stepped forward. "Mr. Cameron, I'm so sorry. If you'd like, I can bring you—," began Alex.

"NO!," screamed Sam. He then fell into sobbing, dropping to his knees and putting his hands up over his face. Alex stepped back a little, while Sam continued to sob. After a few minutes, Sam said through his tears, "How am I supposed to take care of my son?! He—he's different. How am I supposed to do this without my wife? We were supposed to start a family together. How am I supposed to raise a kid who has half a vagina?!"

Alex looked down upon Sam, tears now falling from his own eyes. Wiping them away, Alex stepped forward and bent down to Sam's level. "Mr. Cameron, do you love your son?"

Sam looked up at Alex and sniffed. "Well, yeah I do, but—,"

"Then no but. Mr. Cameron, your son has been through a surgery that most newborns don't even make it through. Your son is alive, Mr. Cameron. That should be the only thing that matters. Not what's between his legs. If you love your son, Mr. Cameron, then you and him will be alright." explained Alex.

Sam looked at Alex through his tear-soaked eyes. Deep down, he knew that Dr. Karev was right. He knew that all that mattered was his son being alive. Yeah, he wasn't exactly fond of the idea of raising a kid who, every time he changed diapers, he would only see half a penis. But still, Sam nodded his head and allowed Alex to pick him up off the floor. Once standing, Sam wiped the tears away and turned to Alex, asking, "May I see my wife, Dr. Karev?"

Alex nodded. "Sure, Mr. Cameron."

Alex led Sam over to the door. Alex grabbed the handle and opened the door. Leading Sam out, the door then closed behind him and Sam. But instead of returning to the NICU, Alex led Sam down the other way, down to where the morgue was. 

Meredith stopped the engine and pulled the key out of the ignition. She settled back into the seat, staring up at the house. She was tired and worn. It had been a long day. After the reading of the will, she had decided to go to Derek's grave. She did not want to deal with her mother-in-law or Derek's sisters. All she wanted was peace. And even now, Meredith dreaded going into the house. What if they were still there? What would be said? Meredith turned her head that was on the headrest to her purse in the front seat. Somewhere inside was the letter the lawyer gave her from Derek. What was in it, she continued to wonder.

Meredith sighed and grabbed her things. She threw the keys into her purse and climbed out of the car. Shutting the door, she stood still against the cool night air. She couldn't move. Her body was too tired to move. There was barely any energy left to walk. Slowly, Meredith made her way up the driveway. One foot after another, she climbed the steps that led up to the porch. Meredith dragged herself over to the front door where light flooded through. Zola, Bailey, Ellis. That was all that was on her mind at the moment. All she wanted to do was hug her children.

Reaching the door, Meredith extended her hand and opened it. Warmth and laughter immediately engulfed her. A big smile crossed her face, and she hurried in, standing on the threshold between the foyer and the living room. There, in the middle of the floor, was Zola dressed in her princess costume, with her tiara on her head, her wand in her hand, and her flowing pink dress twirling around with her. Bailey was over in a circle, playing with his trucks, while Maggie, who was accompanied by Amelia, was bouncing Ellis on her knee.

"What's going on? Where'd Kathleen go?" asked Meredith.

All heads then turned to where Meredith stood. As Amelia stood up, Zola and Bailey both yelled, "Mama!" and ran over to Meredith, clasping onto her. Meredith stooped down, purse falling from her shoulder, and scooped both of them up in a hug. Peering over their shoulders, Meredith gazed up to Amelia, waiting for an answer.

"Um, I got home and told Kathleen to go ahead. The rest of them didn't follow. They're all at the hotel getting ready for their flight back." explained Amelia.

"And I just got here a few minutes ago." replied Maggie.

Meredith nodded her head in understanding. She looked away from the two women and hugged Zola and Bailey even tighter. After a few more seconds, Meredith pulled them away and looked at the both of them.

"Why don't you two go with Auntie Amelia and Auntie Maggie into the kitchen and get something to eat? Okay? I'll be right there." said Meredith.

Both children nodded their heads. They let go of her and ran over to Maggie, who got up and started walking into the kitchen. Meredith stood back up and brought her bag down to her fingertips. Looking at Amelia, she said, "Thank you, Amelia. I'm going to go put this upstairs and then I'll be right down."

Amelia nodded and smiled. "No problem, Meredith."

Amelia then walked into the kitchen while Meredith looked on. Seeing the joy upon her children's faces put a smile upon her own face. Meredith then walked away from the living room and proceeded up the stairs to her room at the end of the hall. She opened the door and proceeded in, heading towards the bed. She sat on the end of it and began going through her things in her purse.

Finally, she found the thing that she was looking for. Meredith pulled the envelope out and sat her purse on the floor by her feet. Holding the envelope in both hands, Meredith simply stared at the white front with her name scrawled in Derek's handwriting. Then, with a deep breath, she turned over the envelope and opened the flap. Her hand shaking, she pulled out the letter, opened it up, and began reading it silently to herself. It read:

 _Meredith,_

 _If you are reading this, then something bad has happened to me. I hope I went out being a hero, saving lives. But more importantly, I hope you know how much I love you. Because I cannot live without you, Meredith. I can't even breathe without you. I'm so sorry for the fight, for not realizing what you wanted. I also want to say that whatever has happened to me, I do not want you to be alone. Find someone. Be happy, for me. You are the love of my life. I know I have told you that so many times, but you are. I love you, Meredith Grey. And I love our family._

 _-Derek_

Meredith held the letter out at arms' length, continuing to read it. When she finished it, she lowered the letter down to her lap. Tears now flowed freely from her face, threatening to turn into sobs. Drops of water began to hit her shirt. Standing up, she laid the letter down on the bed and turned toward the dresser where a box of tissues were. She grabbed a couple of tissues and wiped her eyes, blowing her nose in the process. Meredith turned around and stared directly at the picture on her bedside table. It was the picture of her, Derek, and Zola together, smiling together and happy. Derek's smiled at her in the picture, her smiling back at him. Before the tears resumed, Meredith wiped her eyes and then heard a yell from downstairs.

Meredith threw away the tissue and walked over to the door. As she walked out the door and closed it, a small breeze from the door blew by the letter and knocked it to the floor. 

Jack sat in the patient chair, both arms on the rests, his forehead stitched up. Hours earlier, they had given him the news that his wife was dead. He couldn't believe it. They were arguing, yes, but never in his mind did he think that she would die. The conversation played over in his head and what Kate had said to him. _"I just don't love you anymore."_ He knew he should be angry. He knew that he should be pissed off at her for cheating on him. But all Jack could do, hours later after the news, was stare down at the floor of the room, hearing the chatter that was going on around him.

Jack's son, Bryce, only needed a cast for his broken arm. He was sitting beside his father, going through the channels on the TV, much to Chloe's dismay. Chloe, meanwhile, rested her head into the pillow of the bed, with a head bandage all around her cranium. It turned out that she had a brain bleed from hitting her head so hard into the back of the seat in the accident. The doctors said that she would be fine but would need rest for now.

And then, Jack's youngest, Jaime, laid beside of Chloe in another bed, still unconscious. It turns out that Jaime did not have her seatbelt fastened, and she went in between the driver's and the passenger seat, hitting the dashboard. Jack looked up from the floor to Jaime, tears on the brink of his eyelids. He stared at her for another minute and then looked back down, hands now in his lap.

The TV played, the arguing between Bryce and Chloe continued, and Jack ran through the thoughts that were in his mind. How could Kate cheat on me, he wondered? _(Family.)_ How could he be so stupid to run that red light? How do I tell the kids? What do I tell them? How do I raise them on my own? Jack leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees. He turned his gaze to the area between his feet, running his hands through this hair. _"Please wake up, Jaime."_ he thought.

Over on the bed, a finger moved. Eyes opened. Jaime was awake. At first, everything was blurry. Jaime stared up at the TV, squinting to see what was on. Giving up, she then turned her head to stare at her sister and her brother, still arguing to even notice that she was awake. Her vision began to grow clearer, and her head moved on her pillow to stare at her father. Confused at why he was staring at the floor, she opened her mouth and sound came out.

"Daddy? What's wrong?" she asked.

Jack's head jerked up. Bryce and Chloe quickly turned their heads after hearing the sound come from her mouth. Turning off the TV, Bryce pulled himself up with his right hand from the other end of the sofa. Jack did the same and walked over to Jaime's bedside. He placed his hand upon her forehead and leaned down to give her kiss.

"You're awake. Thank God you're awake." he said into her hair, whispering.

Jack straightened back up, having eyes for only his youngest daughter. Smiling big, he continued to pet her head, while Jaime continued to sport a confused look.

"What's wrong, daddy? Why are you crying?" she asked.

And in that moment, Jack had a decision to make. Does he tell his children about their mother, or should he just keep it to himself? _(It's never as simple as we want it to be.)_ He looked at their faces, each one of them, seeing the smiles and happiness that they are alive. A part of him is grateful that they are alive. Another part is utterly sad that he and his wife will never be able to work it out, if they could even work it out. Suddenly, something hit Jack square in the face. _(And the dream…)_

Looking at his three children, Jack kept his hand to Jaime's head, saying, "Sweetheart, I'm crying because I'm both happy and sad. I'm happy that all three of you are alive. It was my fault, the accident. Your mother had just said something to me, and then…"

Jack paused. He was unsure of how to go on. He did not know how to even begin telling them about their mother. How could he tell them that she had been unfaithful? But, looking into their eyes, he knew he had to tell them, maybe not everything though. He stared into each of their eyes and continued, "Guys, your mother's gone. She didn't make it. She died a few minutes after we reached the hospital."

Jack saw that tears were welling up in Chloe's eyes. _(…well, the dream turns…)_ Bryce lowered his head, silently crying, and Jaime reached for Jack's hand which had fallen off her head. Before the sobbing could begin, though, Jack continued. "Guys, I know you miss your mom. I do too. I know that it may not have seemed like it, but I did love your mother. And she would want us to continue being the family we are."

After Jack finished, sobbing began. Jack held out his arms and took his children into them. Bryce leaned into his father, wrapping his arms around his waist, while Chloe leaned in to Jaime, grabbing onto her father's arm. _(…into something we least expected.)_ All three individuals continued to cry, while Jack looked up and out of the window, silently uttering, "I forgive you, Kate." 

Sam stood over the incubator once more. His eyes red and puffy, he placed his hand upon the plastic, looking down at his son. His eyes stared at his face and then drifted down to his diaper, knowing what was underneath. After Dr. Karev took him to see his wife, Sam knew he didn't want to be alone. Having stood there awhile at his son's incubator, he thought about what Alex had said. About loving his son no matter what. About what was between his legs did not matter. And then it hit Sam that that was exactly what Leslie would have said were she alive.

The nurse had come in to check Jason's vitals, unbeknownst to Sam. Sam silently looked up, caught the nurse's eye and smiled slightly. Sam looked back down to his son, smiling evermore.

"Can I," began Sam, staring once again at the nurse, who then turned around, "hold him?"

"Of course, sir." said the nurse.

The nurse opened up the incubator and gently lifted the baby out. She then walked over to the other side and stood before Sam. He held out his arms, and the nurse placed his son into his arms. _(It turns into something even better.)_

"There." said the nurse.

Sam felt a chill go down his spine as soon as Jason was placed into his arms. Tears welled up in his eyes, ready to burst forth. He stared down at his son and then up to the nurse, uttering "Thank you."

The nurse nodded and left, leaving father and son to bond. As Sam gently swung his son back and forth, Jason opened his eyes and stared up at Sam. With one smile from Sam, Jason smiled big, filling Sam's heart with comfort. 

Meredith laid on the floor of the living playing with Bailey. Her hand was propped up by her elbow, holding her head, while she drove a small, red car across the floor, making engine sounds. Bailey giggled and laughed, clapping his hands and then crashing his blue car into the red car. Meanwhile, Amelia sat on the couch with Zola helping her sound out words in a storybook, and Maggie played peek-a-boo with Ellis over by the television. It had been an exhausting day for all three of them, yet the smiles on their faces never faded. _(Family does not…)_

As the sisters played with the children, the front door opened. Alex stepped inside and closed the door, peering into the living room, with his hands in his pockets. He had on a somber look, a tired look. Having heard something, Meredith turned her gaze towards the door and noticed Alex standing there. Alex nodded his head in the direction of the kitchen, keeping eye contact with Meredith. Meredith gave a small nod and then said, "Sweetie, go and play with sissy and Auntie Amelia for a while. Mommy will be right back."

Bailey then turned his car in the direction of the couch where Amelia and Zola were sitting, making car noises all the while. Meredith smiled broadly, thinking about how much Bailey looked like Derek. Meredith raised herself up off the floor and headed toward the kitchen, where Alex was just grabbing a beer out of the refrigerator. Meredith stepped up to the island counter, hands placed upon the edge of the first chair.

"Hey. Haven't seen you all day. What's going on?" asked Meredith.

Alex closed the door to the refrigerator and turned around. He gazed at Meredith with the tired look on his face, walking over to the counter. Turning the cap off of the bottle, Alex took a swig of the beer.

"I could ask you the same question. I've been trying to reach you all day, Mer." replied Alex.

"You know I had the thing about Derek's will. Sorry if I didn't answer. I just couldn't deal with anything else other than Derek's mother and the rest of his sisters." explained Meredith.

Alex placed a hand upon the counter. He lowered the beer to the table, bowing his head and groaning. Looking up at Meredith, he uttered, "Sorry. I forgot. It's just—my mom came in from Iowa, wanting money, and I had this patient today but it didn't go so well."

Meredith looked taken aback. She stepped forward, now standing on the side of the counter. "What? Your mother?"

Alex nodded. "She needed more money, but I didn't give it to her. I'm just so sick of having to take care of her and my brother, you know?"

Meredith nodded back. "I know."

Alex smiled slightly, taking another swig of beer. "So, how was the meeting?"

"Oh, you know, it was fine. The lawyer said that I have everything, and then afterward, he gave me a letter from Derek." said Meredith.

"Oh." interjected Alex.

"Yeah." replied Meredith.

Silence ensued between them. Alex took another swig of beer, and Meredith brought her hands together on the counter. Suddenly, laughter filled their ears, causing them both to turn towards the door. After a second, Meredith looked back to Alex, asking, "Want to go into the living room? Seems all the fun is in there."

"Yeah," uttered Alex, smiling a little and picking up the beer from the counter.

Meredith turned around and walked away, Alex following closely behind her. When they reached the living room again, Bailey yelled in delight and ran towards Alex. _(…have to be that idyllic dream.)_ Setting the beer bottle on the side table, Alex held out his arms and scooped up Bailey. Meredith stood by and smiled brightly. Alex walked over to Bailey's toy cars and began playing with him. Meredith then sat down on the couch with Amelia and Zola, listening to Zola learning to read. Suddenly, a buzz came from Amelia's pocket.

"Hey, Zo. Go to mommy and have her finish with you. Okay?" asked Amelia.

"Okay," said Zola, and she turned toward Meredith, setting the book in her lap and leaning in towards her, pointing to words and sounding them out.

Amelia stood up from the couch, fishing for her phone out of her pocket. She walked out of the living room, into the foyer, turning on her messages. The display read: NEW MESSAGE. Amelia pressed a button and up on the display came this: HEY. WHERE ARE YOU? I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU. CALL ME. OWEN.

Amelia stared at the message for a moment, pondering. Should she call Owen, let him know she's okay? Staring at the screen a minute longer, Amelia pressed another button and the message disappeared. She turned off the screen and placed the phone back in her pocket. She walked back into the living room, over to where Ellis and Maggie were.

Meredith held the book in her hands, Zola pointing to the words and sounding them out. She looked over to Amelia, wondering who it was that just texted her. Was it Owen, she wondered? Why didn't she answer him? Meredith shook her head. It didn't matter. Not right now. _(It doesn't have to be by blood.)_ Before Meredith returned to the book, however, she looked around at Bailey playing with Alex and Maggie playing with Ellis. She smiled somewhat, for she knew that while Derek was gone, things were going to be all right. _(For when you realize…)_

"Mama?" asked Zola, shaking Meredith's sleeve. Meredith came out of her thoughts, looking down at Zola. _(…that family can be simply those you can count on…)_

"What sweetie?" she asked.

"What's this word?" asked Zola, pointing to a spot in the book, looking a little confused.

"Well, let's just see what that is," said Meredith, scooting closer to her daughter, putting her arm around her, and leaning down to look at the book. _(…that is when the true dream is realized.")_

 **_Grey's Anatomy** _


	5. Fix You Up

**A/N: Hello everyone! Sorry that it's been awhile since chapters. I assure you, I have not forgotten this story. I like to give you quality writing, so that is why I take very long lol. Anyways, here is another chapter. I hope you all enjoy this installment. And remember, review :)**

Ch. 5

"Fix You Up"

Meredith stood over the front of the OR table. The patient beneath her was draped from the chest down, the incision open over the back half of the brain. _("Every person in the world is broken in some way.)_ The injection line was wrapped around her fingers, ready for the syringe to be attached. Meredith gazed from the vitals monitor down to where the patient lay. Although she could not see his face, hope welled up inside of her. This could be it, she thought. This could be the patient that the virus works for. This could be the patient that we save. _(Everyone needs fixing.)_

Still staring at the patient, Meredith's face cracked a small smile underneath her mask. She stood up straighter, shoulders back, ready to make medical history. Her gaze then turned from the patient to the person standing next to her, back facing her. Meredith held her breath as the syringes was placed into the other surgeon's hand. _(As surgeons…)_ The other surgeon turned back to the patient, taking a small breath himself. Then, he turned toward Meredith and held out the other syringe. Meredith gazed into his eyes, revealing the man to be Derek.

A chill spread down Meredith's spine. Every time she looked into those eyes, those "McDreamy" eyes, her heart swelled. The world stopped. Nothing else mattered but her and Derek.

"Here you go, Dr. Grey." said Derek, holding out the other syringe for Meredith.

A sting pierced her heart. Meredith pulled out of her thoughts and looked down to see the syringe in Derek's hand. Grabbing it, Meredith attached it to the line she was holding. Once finished, she waited for Derek's cue. Oh, how she wanted him. How she wanted to just kiss him. Screw Rose, she thought. But something was holding her back. She didn't know what, but something just wouldn't let her have Derek.

Meredith readied herself with the syringe. _(…we fix what is ailing the body.)_ She distantly heard Derek started counting from three. What was it? Why couldn't she let herself have Derek? What was holding her back? Derek finished saying one, and Meredith began pushing the end of the syringe. _(Whatever is threatening the body…)_ A beep far away was heard. Meredith turned her head and found that the monitor tracking the two lines was now at 10%. Meredith focused on the screen, trying to go as slowly as possible. But the more she stared, the more she became lost in her thoughts.

The monitor soon let out a loud _BEEP!_ Derek turned his head and saw one of the leads was too far ahead. He turned toward Meredith and uttered, "Look at me. Don't look at the screen. Look at me."

Meredith steadied herself and turned towards Derek. A chill was sent down her spine once more. The more she gazed into the "McDreamy" eyes, the slower her lead became. Soon, they were in total sync with each other. But all Meredith could focus on was her heart racing as she looked at Derek. Before she knew it, the leads had reached 100%, and the syringe was completely empty. Derek pulled his out of the line, and Meredith followed suit.

"Good work everyone! The virus is in!" yelled Derek to the room. _(…we come in and make things better.)_

A round of applause erupted from the whole OR and the gallery above. Derek turned his head this way and that, nodding and gently waving at random people. Meanwhile, Meredith stepped back from the table. Her eyes were on Derek, envisioning the smile beneath his mask. Another smile cracked her face under her mask, while multiple chills were sent throughout her body. She wanted to go over there. To tell him that she loved him. That they are great together. Meredith took a step forward, ready to move her other foot, when… _(But…)_

 _BEEP!_

Panic flooded her eyes and her face. She ran over to the patient and saw the leads. Asystole. _(…not everything can be fixed so easily.)_ She turned to Derek to wait his instruction. But Derek was not to be found. Meredith continued to panic, pulling down her mask and breathing unevenly. When the surgeon next to her turned her way, Meredith noticed that there was no face. No mask, no mouth, no eyes. She began to hyperventilate.

"Dr. Grey?" called a voice from a distance.

The scene now changed completely on Meredith. Her hyperventilating stopped, and she looked around to see where she was. Meredith had left the OR, now standing in the middle of a hallway. She looked down to see Zola holding her hand and then straight to see Bailey in his stroller. Confusion flooded her face. What was going on? Where was Derek?

"Dr. Grey? This way please." called a nurse.

"My kids." said Meredith softly.

"I'll watch them." said another nurse nearby.

"Thank you," uttered Meredith. She handed off the stroller to the nurse and told Zola that she would be back soon.

Meredith soon was following another nurse. Where was Derek, she kept wondering? Why couldn't she have him? What was keeping her from wanting Derek? The nurse stopped at a door and turned to face Meredith.

"In here, Dr. Grey." she said.

Meredith's face lightened up. Derek? Derek is in there, she thought. Her pace slightly quickened, heading towards the nurse. Finally, she turned around, away from the nurse, and into the room. The nurse stepped aside to open the door. Meredith soon walked into the hospital room, gazing at Derek laying there in the bed, an intubation tube down his throat. Immediately, flashes of her and Derek in the surgery crossed Meredith's mind, his eyes piercing through her. But now, Meredith felt cold and empty, a different kind of chill setting in. And then, Meredith began yelling, "No! No, no, NO!"

"Dr. Grey?" uttered a voice, putting their hand upon her shoulder.

Meredith continued to yell "no", ignoring everyone in the room. But then, a nurse began shaking her, saying "Meredith". Meredith closed her eyes and bent over to her knees. The person was still shaking her and then…

Meredith startled awake. She stared at the ceiling, realizing that she was in the tunnels. She turned her gaze from the ceiling, immediately seeing Dr. Paxton standing right over her, his arm on her shoulder shaking her. "Meredith? Are you okay?"

She sat up on the gurney and looked out the window, seeing the rain pour outside. _(It's not as simple as cut, suture, and close.)_ Bringing her watch up to her face, she then saw that it was 10 till 8. Meredith groaned, grabbing up her stuff from the gurney. "I got to go," she uttered.

Meredith slid off the gurney and was about to walk away from the gurney when a hand caught her. She turned back around, eyes wide, to see Eric holding her arm. Meredith jerked her arm away, yelling, "What?!"

"Are you sure you're okay? It looked like you were having a bad nightmare." said Eric, concern written in his face.

Meredith looked up at the ceiling, rolling her eyes. Bringing her head back down, she said, "I'm fine. It was just a bad dream. No big deal."

Finally, she turned around and began walking away from Dr. Paxton. Eric put his hands into his pockets, sighing. When Meredith reached the gurney by the exit, he yelled out, "Really? So it didn't have anything to do with Derek?"

Meredith froze. Her mind began to swim with so many questions. Steeling herself, she turned around slowly to face Eric. At this point, Eric now had his arms crossed over his chest. Meredith took a few steps away from the exit.

"How do you know about Derek?" asked Meredith.

Eric chuckled. "Well, this rumor mill here is pretty damn reliable." _(As surgeons, we fix what we know.)_

Meredith took a few more steps towards him. "Look, I don't know what you have heard, but it is none of your business. What you saw back there is just a bad dream, nothing more. I am fine and just want to be left alone."

Eric scoffed and let down his arms. He walked a few steps towards Meredith as well and placed his hands in his pockets once more. "You forget that I know you too well. Just tell me, Meredith. Maybe I can fix it." _(But outside the OR…)_

Meredith gazed upon Dr. Paxton incredulously. She looked down to the ground, trying to find the right words to say. _(…surgeons have a tough time…)_ And then, she gazed up and uttered, menacingly, "There is nothing to fix. You don't know me, so stay away from me unless it is professional."

The smirk upon Eric's face soon faded. He stood up straight, gaining composure, keeping his hands in his pockets. After a minute of silence and staring, Meredith then turned around and walked out of the tunnels and back up the stairs to the floor. _(…fixing what's seems to be irreparable.)_

_ **Grey's Anatomy** _

Alex and Jo laid on their backs in the bed. Blankets on his waist, exposing his stomach, Alex stared up at the ceiling with his thumb and forefinger of his right hand pinching the bridge of his nose. What happened? Why did it fall? He's never had this problem before with a girl. His left hand laying on his rib, he allowed his right to fall back to the mattress, sighing heavily.

Meanwhile, Jo stared directly at the wall above. Her hands grasped the edge of the comforter, keeping them close to her chest. This was the second time, she thought. She knew that Alex needed to talk. She knew that he needed to simply let out what happened with his mother. But for the past week, every time Jo tried to bring up his mother, he just simply walked away or changed the subject to about a patient. Jo's face had a look of concern on it. One because of what was going on with Alex, and the other because of what he might say if she started talking about it again. But when Alex let out the sigh, Jo couldn't hold her tongue any longer.

"Alex, maybe if you'd talk about it, this wouldn't happen. If you simply talked about your mother and what happened, you'd be able to perform." said Jo finally.

Alex continued staring at the ceiling, rolling his eyes. He was so sick of Jo trying to force him to talk. He didn't want to talk. All he wanted to do was forget his mother, forget that she came out here, and forget what he said to her. There was nothing to talk about, he thought. He brought his hands up to his face and covered his eyes. He hoped by doing this that Jo would get the message that he didn't want to talk. He was wrong.

"Alex—," began Jo.

Something snapped within Alex. "There is nothing to talk about Jo! I don't want to talk about what happened, and I don't want to talk about my mother. Okay?! It's done, it's over. Move on," yelled Alex.

"But Alex, she—," persisted Jo.

"Oh for the love of—!" uttered Alex. He finally sat up in the bed and threw the covers off of him. Alex swung his legs over the side, feeling the rug underneath his feet. As he wiped the remaining sleep out of his eye, his gaze landed upon his tool, which was now soft again. _Bastard. Why couldn't you just perform?_ he thought. Staring at his member and the floor, he could feel it mocking him, laughing at him for what happened. Alex lifted his head and saw the bathroom door open.

"I'm going to take a shower. I'll be out in a minute then you can use it." said Alex.

"Alex—," uttered Jo.

But Alex did not hear her. He stood up from the bed, not bothering to put his underwear on. He walked to the bathroom and closed the door, catching a glimpse of Jo now leaning upon one arm on her side, looking after him. Once the door shut, Alex turned around and put his head upon the surface of the door. Closing his eyes, he allowed everything to push itself out of his mind. He took a deep breath and walked over to the shower, turning it on. Once all warm, he hopped in and let out another sigh as the water hit his back.

 _DING!_ The elevators doors opened, and people began to file out. Amelia was the last one to exit the car. She began to walk down the hallway towards the ER, wondering what it was that needed the consult. Her mind began swimming with possible scenarios. Maybe it was an aneurysm or a tumor. Maybe the person fell really hard and has a brain bleed. Whatever it was, it brought a small smile to Amelia's face. She needed this. Badly. For the past week, all it had been was Owen checking up on her, asking this and asking that. What happened with your family? As that question swirled around her mind, Amelia tried to push it out. She did not want to think about that right now.

"Hey. What's going on?" said a voice coming up beside her.

Amelia turned to see who it was. _Oh no!_ she thought. For indeed, it was Owen. The one person she was trying to avoid. The one person that she did not want to talk to. Amelia kept on walking down the hallway, Owen right on her heels. Unable to shake him, she finally uttered, "Consult in the ER. Edwards paged me."

"Oh," replied Owen, slowing his gait and nodding his head, "I was hoping that we might be able to talk. You haven't answered any of my texts this past week. Are you okay?"

Amelia finally stopped walking. She closed her eyes for a minute. There it was, that question again. Oh, how she was beginning to hate that question! Was she okay? No. Did she want to talk about it with a perfectly normal, handsome guy who she liked? No. Besides, she didn't really know what she was feeling at the moment. All Amelia knew was that she needed a good surgery. A surgery that could liven her up. A surgery that would make her stop feeling empty.

"Amelia?" asked Owen, placing his hand upon her left shoulder.

As soon as Amelia felt his touch, she whipped around and faced Owen. Owen jumped back a little, eyes somewhat wide, hand retreating quite quickly. Amelia opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Closing it, she looked to the ground and tried to find words to say to him. Finally, they came.

Amelia looked up into Owen's eyes and said, "Look, Owen. I'm sorry that I haven't returned your calls or your texts. But right now, I just need to be alone. I'm fine, to answer your question. I don't need fixing. I can handle my family. So, I'm giving you an out. You can leave."

Concern spread across Owen's face. He stepped closer to Amelia and grabbed her hand. "Amelia, I'm not going anywhere. Let me help you."

Amelia pulled her hand back and retreated her whole body from Owen. "No. I just need to be alone. I just… I need to go do this consult. See you later."

And with that, Amelia turned back around, facing the remainder of the hallway. She began walking away from Owen, who let his hand fall back down to his side while he looked on after Amelia. Owen sighed as Amelia walked through a doorway and hung his head, shaking it slowly.

Meanwhile, Amelia stepped through the door to the ER. Having stopped, she perused the whole ER, trying to find Edwards and this consult she was needed on. Her eyes scanned the room, passing empty and occupied beds. _Crap_ , she thought. No disaster, no major surgery. She was really hoping for a bloody surgery, something challenging. Looking around the ER soon extinguished all hopes in her of that happening. As Amelia's eyes glazed over the nurses' station, she finally noticed Edwards standing at the side of the desk, filling out paperwork.

Amelia started again, picking up her feet and walking over to where Stephanie stood. She reached the station and stood up close to Stephanie, placing her hand upon the counter. "Where's the consult, Edwards?

Stephanie looked up from the paperwork to Amelia. "Bed 4. Michael Bostic, 27 years old. Fell down the steps as he was leaving class. Complaining of severe headaches."

Stephanie handed her a clipboard with the patient's medical vitals upon it. Amelia promptly took the clipboard from her hands and scanned the top sheet. Immediately, Amelia's mood began to lift a little. Possible surgery, with much blood. Amelia cracked a small smile and turned to look at Edwards. "You coming?"

"I'll be there in a sec. Finishing up notes for another patient." replied Stephanie.

Amelia nodded and walked away from the patient. As she neared Bed 4, her eyes scanned the patient laying upon the gurney. A Caucasian male with a low-cut of hair wore a pair of shorts, blue Nike tennis shoes, and a V-neck shirt. The guy's head laid straight back upon the pillow of the bed, with his hand raised to his forehead, his fingerprints massaging the front. Amelia's eyes quickly went from the patient to the girl standing next to the gurney, one hand resting upon the edge of the bed, concern riddled upon her face.

"Hi Michael," said Amelia, bringing the clipboard up to her chest as she approached the bed. "I'm Dr. Shepherd. What's brought you here today?"

Michael opened his eyes and saw Amelia standing at the end of the bed. He lowered his hand and slowly sat up to stare at her. He winced slightly, his head pounding vigorously with pain. "We were in class," began Michael, turning to stare at the girl on his right, grabbing her hand, "and I started having these bad headaches. I couldn't concentrate that well, so I decided to leave. When I was near the end of the steps, towards the front, it felt like my head was about to explode. The pain was so great, and I—," Michael stopped mid-sentence, grabbing his head again and wincing.

The girl to his right twisted her face in concern. She squeezed his hand and continued. "He fainted and fell down the rest of the stairs. He freaked everyone out. I called 911 immediately, but I didn't know what else to do."

Amelia quickly gazed down at the clipboard again and looked back up. "And you are?"

"I'm Celia, Michael's girlfriend. We've been together for 3 years now. We met in our first year of graduate school at University of Washington." replied Celia.

Michael smiled slightly at this, reciprocating Celia's squeeze of his hand. By this time, Stephanie had made it over to the bed, standing beside Amelia as she flipped the rest of the papers on the clipboard. Michael continued to wince at the pain, moving his legs constantly up and down upon the gurney. Finally, Amelia looked up from the clipboard and said, "Okay, Michael, we're going to admit you and then go get a CT. From the symptoms that you're describing, it looks like you may have an aneurysm, but I want to check and make sure. Okay?"

Michael lifted his head slightly and looked at Amelia. "Thank you, Dr. Shepherd."

Michael lowered his head once more as Amelia and Stephanie walked away from the bed. They headed to the nurses' station, and Amelia gave the clipboard back to Stephanie. "Admit him and then get the CT. Page me when you have the results. I have a bad feeling."

Stephanie took the clipboard and noticed the downcast look upon Amelia's face. "You alright, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just get the CT." replied Amelia. Amelia walked away from the nurses' station and back out of the door leading away from the ER.

Back up on the surgical floor, Maggie leaned against the nurses' station, putting notes into a patient's chart. However, at the moment, her pen laid on top of the chart, her arm underneath her chin. Maggie stared out into space, with no knowledge of what was going on around her. Why was she so alone, she thought? She had not had one date in the time since Derek's death. Why hadn't she met someone?

Maggie continued to ponder all of this, leaving the chart sitting right in front of her, not noticing all the people passing and staring at her. Then Alex came up beside her and opened up a chart, pulling one of his pens out of his front pocket.

"Hey, have you seen Mer this morning?" asked Alex.

Maggie simply ignored him, still thinking. When she did not answer, Alex looked up from the chart, confused, and looked over at Maggie. Seeing her stare out into space, Alex nudged her hard in the arm. At this, Maggie startled back to reality and turned to see who it was that brought her out.

"What? What? What's going on?" asked Maggie, looking around the area and finally setting her eyes on Alex.

"That's what I asked you. Have you seen Mer this morning?" asked Alex again.

As Alex's words registered in Maggie's mind, she picked her pen up and pulled the chart in front of her closer. Maggie processed Alex's words, trying to remember what Meredith had said to her. She looked down at the chart and saw the notes that she put in before she zoned out. And then, it hit her.

Maggie turned back to Alex and said, "Meredith said that she had a late surgery last night. She was going to sleep here. I picked Zo and Bailey up last night and took them to daycare this morning. But as far as Meredith goes, I haven't seen her since."

Alex sighed at this. He really needed to talk to Mer. Maggie and Alex turned away from each other and went back to their respective charts. After a few minutes, Alex looked slightly over in Maggie's direction and noticed that she wasn't writing anymore but merely staring. Giving her another nudge, he then asked, "What's up with you? Why are you staring blankly?"

Maggie stuttered for words. She looked at Alex and then back down at the paper. "I—I'm fine. I was just thinking about things."

Alex nodded very warily. He gave Maggie a confused look once more and turned back to the chart. Note after note, both were silently. And then, Maggie looked up at Alex and blurted, "I need sex!"

Silence ensued upon the surgical floor. As soon as the words came out of her mouth, Maggie's face grew bright red. Alex simply stood, with a half-shocked, half-confused look, upon his face. Suddenly, Maggie could feel all the stares of people upon her. In an attempt to avoid their gaze, she continued to stare Alex in the face.

"Um—you do realize I'm taken, right? That I'm with Jo?" uttered Alex.

Maggie stared at Alex, although not direct. It was really more of a blank stare once more into space, using Alex as a cover-up. When Alex spoke, Maggie shook her from her thoughts and muttered, "What?"

Alex simply gave her a look, bringing her back to what she just said. With a confused look on her face, Maggie stared at Alex's face and tried to figure out what that look was for. And then, she remembered. Her jaw dropped, and her eyes grew big. _"Oh crap! I did not just say that."_ she thought.

"Oh god. I'm sorry, Alex. That's not what I meant. I just meant that, well, I haven't been with anyone in a year, and I was just trying to figure out why that is." explained Maggie.

When she finished, Alex continued to give a weird look. Maggie turned her expression into one of begging, imploring Alex to just forget what she had said. Then, Alex broke a small smile and said, "It's okay. I get that a lot."

Relieved, Maggie lowered her shoulders and replied, "Thank you."

The two doctors then returned back to the charts in front of them, completing their notes. Everyone soon returned to what they were doing, happy that they now had something to spread around in the gossip mill. As Alex and Maggie continued to write, doctors and nurses passed the nurses' station, interns followed their residents, and patients were wheeled toward the elevator doors.

Alex had finished his notes first. Closing the front of the chart, he handed it off to the nurse, while Jo rounded the corner and stopped dead in her tracks. Alex looked sideways and saw Jo standing there. But before he could make a move away from the station and toward her, Meredith walked up to the nurses' station.

"Hey, where were you this morning?" asked Maggie, looking up when she heard Meredith asking for a chart.

Meredith took the chart and turned to Maggie. "In the tunnels, sleeping. Had a big surgery early this morning. The kids alright?"

Maggie turned sideways a little to face Meredith. She laid her pen down and rested her hand upon the page. "Yes. I gave them breakfast this morning; Amelia helped them get dressed and took them to daycare."

Meredith smiled. "Thank you."

Maggie reciprocated the expression. "You're welcome. Anytime."

Meredith turned away from Maggie and was about to leave the nurses' station. However, a hand grabbed her arm, and she was pulled back. The smile on Meredith's face now disappeared. She was so tired of people doing that today. She turned around and noticed that Alex let go of her arm.

"What?!" asked Meredith.

Alex stared at Meredith funny. She had never spoke to him like that before. Looking at her face, Alex could tell that something was wrong. Something, or someone, had made Meredith irritated this morning. Alex stood up straight, hand resting on the counter, and asked, "You okay this morning? I've been trying to reach you. I need to talk to you."

"Well, not right now, Alex. I got to go see a patient." said Meredith, brushing Alex off and turning away from him.

Meredith quickly walked away from the nurses' station and past Jo, who still remained glued to where she stopped. When Meredith yelled after her, Jo scrambled to catch up to her. Before long, Meredith and Jo were walking in step with each other, Jo staggering back slightly.

After a few minutes of silence, Jo spoke up. "So, what is up with you? Did someone piss you off?"

Meredith suddenly stopped. Jo came to a halt behind Meredith. Turning around, Meredith faced a glass panel, staring into a patient's room. Jo did likewise, soon asking, "What are we doing?"

Meredith stood by the window, simply staring into the room, chart clinging to her side. For indeed, on the other side of the window, a middle-aged man sat up in the lone hospital bed, a book upon his lap, oxygen upon his face. The man hunched over while reading and gave a small cough.

Jo looked into the room, confused. She then turned to Meredith and uttered, "Dr. Grey?"

Meredith suddenly turned her head and finally spoke. "Dr. Wilson, this is Gary Chapman. He is 55 years old, and he is in end-stage liver failure. Today, we are going to perform a liver transplant on him."

Jo's eyes widened. She placed her hands into her pockets and looked back through the window. "End-stage liver failure?" she asked.

"Yes. We're just waiting for—," began Meredith.

"Dr. Grey. Dr. Wilson, "called a voice from behind.

Meredith and Jo turned around to see who the voice belonged to. It turned out to be Richard Webber, soon followed by Miranda Bailey. Both doctors soon joined the other two at the window, staring in at the patient.

"Have you gone in, Dr. Grey?" asked Richard.

"No, sir. We were waiting for you and Dr. Bailey." said Meredith.

"Good, good. Well, let's go in." gestured Richard, turning towards the door and walking into the room.

"How are you doing, Gary?" asked Richard, walking over to the end of the bed where the table was.

Meredith, Dr. Bailey, and Jo all followed suit, standing in a semi-circle around the bed. Upon the bed, a man with yellow skin closed the book that was upon his lap. Picking up the book, he tried to reach over and lay it upon the table, moaning in pain, clutching his right side. Feeling sympathy, Jo stepped forward and took the book from the man, laying it down on the table for him.

Gary nodded. "Thank you, miss."

He gingerly laid himself back into the pillow, sighing in some relief. He closed his eyes for a moment, hoping that when he opened them, things would be different. That he wouldn't be sitting here, in this bed, with yellowed skin. That he wouldn't be sitting here, clutching his side in pain. Gary opened his eyes and was soon disappointed. He then looked up to Richard and said, very softly, "I've been waiting for this for a long time. I honestly was about to give up hope. I mean, who'd give a liver to an alcoholic, right?"

Gary coughed a little, making his hand into a fist and bringing it up towards his mouth. As Gary coughed, Richard stepped forward, walking to the side of the bed. When Gary finished coughing, he looked up to see Richard standing over him.

"Gary? Did you call your son? You are going to need support after the surgery, for recovery." explained Richard.

Gary looked up at Richard and laid his head back into the pillow. "I did call him, Dr. Webber," he began, shifting his shoulders slightly to the right, getting more comfortable, "but too much has happened between us. If I were him, I wouldn't want to be here either. I made too many mistakes."

A scoff sounded. Everyone's head turned towards the door where the scoff happened, including Gary's. There, in the threshold, stood an average height, 22 year old guy, with his hands in the pockets of his jacket. The look he had on his face was one of defiance, contempt for the man that he was staring at. Behind the boy, who stood a few feet away, was a girl who was about the same age, staring into the room with sympathy upon her face. The boy shifted his feet, with one leg out and facing away, while the other stood straight.

"Robbie, you came," uttered Gary very softly, struggling to sit up in the bed, groaning at the pain he felt in his side.

The boy called Robbie crossed his arms over his chest, standing up straight again. "I didn't come because of you, old man. I came because Jessica convinced me that I should be here."

The girl that was standing behind Robbie finally emerged. She stopped beside Robbie and raised her hand in a wave. "Hi, Mr. Chapman. It's good to see you. How are you feeling?"

"I'm doing fine, sweetie. Thank you," said Gary while he shifted his position in the bed.

Jessica gave a small smile towards the man. Suddenly, Robbie turned his head back with a frown upon his face. Jessica looked out of the corner of her eye to Robbie and then lowered her head, bringing her hand down to her side. Back at the bed, Gary turned from looking at his son back to Dr. Webber.

"So, doc, how is this going to work? Putting this new liver inside of me?" asked Gary.

Dr. Webber stepped up closer to the edge of the bed and placed his hand upon the rail above the pillow. He put his other hand upon his waist, replying, "Well, Gary, Dr. Bailey," paused Richard, indicating to Miranda who stepped out of the line of the doctors and nodded her head, "is going to go get the liver. We want to make sure that everything is all right with it. Then, Dr. Grey and I," he paused again as Meredith stepped away from the line and walked up next to Richard, "will take you to the OR and put you under. It could," paused Richard, looking up from Gary to Robbie who was still at the door, "take a few hours."

Robbie threw back his head and rolled his eyes at this statement. He didn't really want to be there in the first place. He'd rather be out with the guys, at a bar, than here in the hospital. Gary turned to look at Robbie. Seeing the agitation on his face, he turned back to Dr. Webber and asked, "What if it doesn't work, Dr. Webber?"

Meredith took a few steps closer to the bed, staring at Gary, and said, "Gary, you can't think like that. It will work. We are very good at we do, and we will take care of you."

Meredith gave a small smile towards Gary. He reciprocated, reaching out his hand to grab hers that was on the edge of the bed. "Thank you, dear," he said, pulling it back and resting his head upon his pillow.

Gary turned from Meredith's gaze to look at everyone in the room. "Well," he uttered, "let's do this!"

Richard, Meredith, Bailey, and Jo all smiled. Jessica smiled from behind Robbie, while Robbie just stood there with his arms still crossed. When Richard said that they would take Gary up in a few hours, he gave a nod of his head, and the doctors soon filed out of the room, leaving Robbie and Jessica to move in, Robbie heading towards the chair in the corner, Jessica towards the bed. As Meredith turned her head back to the window, she noticed Robbie's face, full of malice and hatred.

* * *

Light poured in through the blinds of the on-call room. The rain continued to peck upon the window, leaving drops of water upon the surface. But the pecks of rain upon the window were not the only sound in the room. For indeed, over on one of the bottom bunks lay April, head upon a pillow, looking up into Jackson's eyes as he plunged in and out of her. Suddenly, Jackson groaned and began to slow down. Sweat poured from both of their foreheads and their chests, panting for breath. A few minutes had passed, and Jackson began to lay himself down upon the bed. April scooted over near the wall to give him room.

April and Jackson laid their heads upon the pillow, simply looking up at the bottom of the top bunk. As their breathing normalized, Jackson turned his head to look at April and smiled.

"Wow! That was great." he uttered.

April continued to pant a little. Her right hand upon her chest, the other reached over between her and Jackson and squeezed his. Jackson gasped a little and reciprocated. April turned her head to look at Jackson, who moved his eyes back to the top bunk, replying, "Yeah. It was."

Jackson faced April once more and brought her hand up to his mouth. He placed a kiss on it and laid it on his chest. He turned on his side so that he could look at all of her. Seeing April lay there next to him, Jackson couldn't help but smile. He missed this. He missed having sex with his wife. He missed seeing her lay there in the bed, naked. Jackson entwined his fingers with hers and uttered, "You are so beautiful. Don't ever leave me again."

April turned her head at this. She smiled softly and turned so that her body was facing Jackson. Her other hand reached up and placed it upon his face. "I won't. I love you, Jackson."

"I love you too, April." he replied.

Jackson and April both leaned in to kiss the other. Feeling her lips on his, Jackson felt a surge course through his body. All the little hairs upon his arms, the hairs on his stomach, began to stand up. He continued to kiss April's lips, and then he moved his tongue inside her mouth. They kissed for a few more minutes and then Jackson pulled away, taking his hand away from hers and placing it on her face.

"Let's make another one." uttered Jackson.

April chuckled. "What?"

Jackson scooted closer to April so that there was no room in between them. He reached his hand up and pushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Let's make another baby, April."

April hesitated. She didn't know what to say. Her hand withdrew from Jackson, and her gaze turned to the blankets covering them. Why would he say that, she thought? She wasn't ready. She would never be ready to have another baby. April lifted herself from the pillow, elbow supporting her. Still looking at Jackson, her mouth opened, sound came out, but then she closed it again. Immediately, she threw her legs over Jackson and the edge of the bed. She tossed back the rest of the blankets and stood up from the bunks, walking over to put on her clothes.

Jackson's smile soon turned to a frown. Seeing April leave his side, he soon lifted up from the pillow, a worried look on his face.

"April, what is it? What's wrong?" he asked.

April hurried putting her scrubs and shoes back on. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to think. How could he say that? How could he want another baby? As April leaned down to grab her scrub shirt, she heard a rustle of blankets and soon feet appeared before her. When she looked up, Jackson was standing in front of her, now with his underwear on.

"April, talk to me. What's wrong?" he asked again, emphatically.

April pulled her scrub shirt on and pulled her shoes back on as well. When she was finished, she simply looked up to Jackson, stuttering, "I—I don't—I don't want to have another baby."

It was as if April had just sucker-punched him. Jackson stood there, feeling like all the breath had been knocked out of him. He began to walk toward her, but April took a few steps back.

"I'm sorry. I got to go. I have patients. I'll see you at home." she said rather hurriedly.

And with that, April turned around and headed toward the door. She reached out and turned the knob, opening it to the hallway. April stepped through and let the door swing closed, leaving Jackson standing, in his underwear, confused as ever.

Amelia leaned back into the chair, hand upon her face, a fingertip resting upon the edge of her mouth. She gazed into the window behind the computers, looking at what was going on inside the CT room. Standing by the wheelchair, Stephanie helped Michael onto the machine. Michael laid his head back, and Stephanie brought up the blanket. She then reached up and pressed a button, making Michael move backwards into the CT machine. Once Michael stopped, Amelia leaned forward again and reached for the button to the microphone. Pressing it, she uttered, "Okay, Michael. I need you to stay still while we get the scan."

"Sure, Dr. Shepherd." replied Michael through the speaker.

Amelia let go of the button and returned back to her original position. The monitor soon displayed a "Waiting…" screen. Amelia looked at the monitor, wondering what it could be that made Michael fall. If her instincts were right, it was an aneurysm. The question though was, how big? Amelia leaned forward again and placed her elbows upon her knees. Looking to the floor, she closed her eyes and whispered quietly, "Please let it be small, please let it be small."

A million thoughts raced through her mind. Her mind went back to what happened at the courthouse with her family. How could her mother react like that in front of Meredith? Then, her mind went to what her mother said to her afterwards. Her hand began to shake, and her breathing began to grow ragged. She gazed up at the monitor once more, still at the "Waiting…" screen. Amelia groaned. She needed this scan to be good. She needed it to be something easy. Something that wasn't hard. Something that could prove to her mother and her sisters that she could do this.

"Hey. You okay?" called a voice from over by the exit.

Amelia startled. Straightening up again, she rested her hands upon the table and looked real quick at the window, into the other room. Everything was fine, she saw. As Amelia relaxed a little, she then turned her gaze over to the sliding door to find Meredith standing by it, hand on the glass.

Relieved that it wasn't Owen, Amelia leaned back into the seat and brought her hand up to her chin, resting it upon her hand. "No. I'm a wreck. Ever since that day at the courthouse, what my mother said, I just haven't been feeling myself. And then, there's this guy who fell down some stairs," she explained, extending her arm to indicate the monitor and the window. Meredith let go of the glass and walked forward into the room. Her hands inside her pockets, she gazed at the monitor, still at the "Waiting" screen.

"What's wrong with the guy?" asked Meredith.

Sitting up in the chair, Amelia looked at the window and at Michael laying inside the CT machine. "He came in complaining of a severe headache and dizziness. He said that he fell down the stairs while in class at the university. My immediate instinct said aneurysm. But now, I'm thinking maybe that it's…"

"A tumor," interrupted Meredith. Amelia nodded, silently uttering "Yeah". Meredith walked around the back of the chair Amelia was in and sat down in the other empty one. Sitting up straight, she drew her hands out of her pockets and placed them on her lap, ready and attentive.

"I mean," began Amelia, looking back to Michael through the window, "whichever way it goes, I just want it to be easy. I just want one thing to not be complicated like it has this past week."

"Talking about your mother?" asked Meredith.

Amelia nodded gently. Meredith nodded in understanding and crossed her legs. Scooting the chair closer to the desk, Amelia laid her arms upon the cold surface, facing the monitor. "It's just… what she said to me the other day and now this. I just don't think I can handle anything big or complicated right now."

Meredith leaned forward and placed her hand upon Amelia's shoulder. "Amelia, it's okay. Take it from someone who has felt disappointment from her mother all her life. I may not know what your mother said to you that day, but I do know that you're a great surgeon. You may not be able to fix what's wrong with you and your mother, but you can do this. You can fix whatever's wrong with this guy."

A sound emanated from the monitor. Instinctively, Amelia and Meredith turned their gaze from each other towards the monitor. The scans were up. As both doctors perused the monitor, Meredith let out an "Oh." Amelia, meanwhile, sat up in her chair and continued to look at the monitor, figuring out how to proceed. For indeed, what was on the scan confirmed Amelia's instinct: an aneurysm. But the aneurysm itself covered the area of two lobes: the left temporal lobe and the left parietal lobe.

As both women continued to stare at the monitor, Stephanie began to bring Michael back out of the machine. When Amelia noticed that Michael was coming out, she straightened up and grabbed the mouse that was by the keyboard. Clicking 'print' upon the computer, Amelia then stood up and began to walk out of the room. Meredith, still sitting and staring at the scan, called, "Amelia, what are you going to do?"

Before stepping across the threshold, Amelia turned around and put her hands inside her lab coat pockets. "I don't know, Meredith. But whatever I do, it's most likely that Michael will never be able to talk again. Thanks for the talk. See you later."

And with that, Amelia left the room, leaving Meredith staring at the giant aneurysm upon the screen.

* * *

"An aneurysm? I don't understand. He was fine a few days ago." said Celia.

Celia stood by Michael's bedside, holding onto the rail near the top of the bed. Michael sat up in the bed, now with a hospital gown on, hands in his lap. He stared out the window with the blinds drawn, slightly open, revealing the small nurses' station just a few feet away. On the left wall of the room, a window to the outside revealed the rain having stopped, the sun now peeking out. Amelia and Stephanie stood by the mobile counter at the end of the bed, Amelia with her hands in her pockets, now waiting for Michael's response.

Michael continued to stare out the window to the nurses' station. He tried to digest everything that Amelia just said to him, but all that was running through his mind was why. Why now? Why an aneurysm? Why, he thought, now that he was beginning his career and in the middle of his relationship? Michael averted his gaze to the bed sheets, searching for words. What was he going to do?

Words then finally came to Michael's mind. "What do we do about it? How do we get rid of this?"

Amelia sighed. She was afraid of Michael asking that question. Stepping up somewhat closer to the bed, Amelia pulled her hands out and laid them on the table in front of her. "We would do an aneurysm repair, which is where I go in and clip the aneurysm. If—," began Amelia.

"I want the surgery. If that's all there is to it, then I want the surgery," interrupted Michael.

Amelia knelt her head down and closed her eyes. She braced herself for what she was about to say next. She always hated this part. "Michael, where the aneurysm resides in your brain is where most of your language is. The aneurysm itself is large, quite large. With the size of an aneurysm like this, it can be difficult to clip," explained Amelia.

A quizzical look formed upon Michael's face. "What are you saying, Dr. Shepherd?"

Amelia opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again. The moment had come. The moment she dreaded every time she talked with patients. But there was no way of going around it. She stood up tall and pushed her shoulders back.

"Michael, you stand a good chance of losing your ability to talk. Where the aneurysm resides in your brain, if something should happen, that part of brain will not be able to function anymore. And there is also the possibility of death." explained Amelia somberly.

Silence filled the room. The sound of phones ringing and gurneys rolling could be heard out in the hallway. Michael sported a "deer in the headlights" look. His eyes were wide; his mouth formed the shape of an 'O'; and he began to grow ghostly white. Suddenly, a sob could be heard from where Celia stood. As Amelia turned her head to look at the girl, she noticed her eyes were beginning to well up. Celia brought her hand up to her mouth, softly whispering, "No. No." She began to shake her head at Amelia, as if what she just said was too unbelievable. Celia began to feel light-headed and grasped the rail of the bed, all the while continuing to sob quietly.

Immediately, Michael raised his hand and placed it upon his girlfriend's. "Celia? Celia, it's okay."

"NO!" interjected Celia, pulling back her hand quickly and sniffing back the oncoming tears, "No, it's not okay, Michael! We're in a good place, you and me. We've been serious about each other for the past 3 years, and now that all might be taken away by an aneurysm?"

Michael had now turned his gaze from the blankets to Celia. For the past few minutes, Michael's life flashed before his eyes. When he first met Celia in high school; when they both graduated and found out, months later, that they were attending the same college; and when they began dating and Michael knew that she was the one. A tear began to fall down Michael's cheek as he stared at Celia crying. He didn't want to lose her. Not now. She was right, he thought. And then a thought came to his mind.

Looking at Celia square in the face, Michael raised his eyes and asked, "Celia, will you marry me?"

"What?!" exclaimed Celia, Amelia, and Stephanie, simultaneously.

Michael shifted in the bed a little, sitting up straight and reaching out his hand for hers. Celia stepped quietly over to Michael and took his hand. "Celia, I love you. I've loved you since high school, and I don't want to lose you. Regardless of this aneurysm, I want to be with you, forever."

Celia placed her free hand upon her heart, sniffling back a few more tears. Looking at Michael, she reached up and wiped her eyes. She could see him more clearly now, as he uttered, "Yes."

Michael smiled greatly. With her hand still in his, Michael pulled Celia to him and began to kiss her. He placed his hands upon her face and his lips onto hers. After a few seconds passed, Michael and Celia broke away, hands still entwined. Michael then looked towards Amelia, who now had a small tear falling, and said to her, "I want the surgery. I don't care about what could happen to me. I know that you can fix me, Dr. Shepherd. Please. Fix me."

Jo and Stephanie stood in line, grasping ahold of their lunch trays. Both gazed down upon the myriad of food choices that were being offered that day. On the far left were salads, showcasing the mixture of lettuce, small round tomatoes, and thin slices of carrot beneath the clear, plastic covering; near the center of the food bar were the hamburgers and cheeseburgers with all of the extras such as lettuce, tomato, and ketchup to the side; and then lastly, to the far right near the cashier were the desserts. Looking at their trays, Jo and Stephanie continued down the line, ignoring the pies and the slices of cake now in their eyeline. The sound of the cashier grew closer, and both residents began rummaging in their pockets for money.

Finally, it was their turn at the cashier. Once Jo finished paying, she grabbed her tray from the counter and turned around to see Stephanie waiting for her. Both moved over to the side, perusing the room for a place to sit, catching whispers and tidbits of conversation from fellow residents and doctors. As Jo scanned the room, her eyes landed upon one table in particular. For at that table sat Alex on its right side; Meredith sitting on one of the ends; Maggie sitting on the other side of Meredith; and Amelia sitting next to Maggie.

Jo nudged Stephanie with her elbow, leaning her head to the side, whispering, "C'mon. Let's go over there."

Jo began to walk away from Stephanie, who now had on a confused look. There were barely any seats left, she thought. How could Jo have spotted one? Before she moved, Stephanie watched Jo's trajectory. When she saw that she was headed towards Meredith, Alex, Maggie, and Amelia's table, Stephanie breathed a small sigh and rolled her eyes. She began to walk slowly, clutching her tray, dodging people and chairs, smiling politely at those who said hello.

Jo, meanwhile, continued to walk. When she neared the attendings' table, her gaze moved slightly to what Alex was doing. He was simply staring at Meredith while he ate. What was so interesting about Meredith, she wondered? Thoughts soon swarmed Jo's mind. Why couldn't Alex talk to her? Why did he have to talk to Meredith? As she continued to stare at Alex, Alex soon met her gaze. With a small frown, it was as if he was saying to her "I don't want to talk. Sit somewhere else." Receiving the message, Jo averted her gaze and turned toward a small, two-seat table nearby.

Jo and Stephanie reached the table and placed their trays upon the surface. Sitting down, they opened the tops of their salads and began eating. Bite after bite, all Jo could do was stare at Alex and try to listen in on the conversation. What was he saying? Was he talking about this morning? Too focused on Alex, Jo soon forgot that someone was trying to have a conversation with her.

"So, mine and Dr. Shepherd's patient, the brain aneurysm, proposed to his girlfriend this morning. While we were in there, taking him through everything. Can you believe it?" she sighed, stabbing her fork at some lettuce and a tomato, shaking her head slightly. Stephanie brought the fork up to her mouth, ready to eat what was on it. But then her gaze shifted slightly over to Jo, who was completely ignoring her.

Stephanie put down her fork into the plastic, black container. "Jo!" she exclaimed, simultaneously snapping her fingers in front of Jo's face.

Immediately, Jo was brought out of her stare. She turned to look at who it was that had snapped and realized that Stephanie had on a "Seriously?" look. Jo shifted back in her seat to face her tray, having on a "Sorry" look. She grabbed her fork and began to stab at her salad. When Jo was halfway through the bite she had taken, Stephanie simply looked at her, annoyed.

"Really? You pick the table near where he's sitting, you eavesdrop on their conversation, totally ignoring me by the way, and then, when I have your attention, you just start eating?" asked Stephanie.

"Sorry. I'm just… preoccupied." replied Jo, shrugging her shoulders.

"No. You're jealous. That's what you are." retorted Stephanie.

At this statement, Jo put down her fork and turned her look towards Stephanie. "Well, you know, if he would simply talk to me instead of going to her, I might not be jealous."

Stephanie turned her eyes towards the ceiling, rolling them. Bringing down her head, she brought her hands close to her chest on the table and leaned forward. "Jo, you have been jealous ever since Cristina left. When are you going to get it that they're best friends? That there are some things that he just can't talk about with you?"

Jo stared at Stephanie with a very annoyed look upon her face. As the two residents resumed eating their lunch in silence, the table where Meredith, Alex, Maggie, and Amelia sat shared that same silence. While everyone had their noses down to their trays or in a journal reading about research, Meredith had hers up, staring out at something in particular. Indeed, across the room, sitting at a table by himself, was Eric, reading a magazine while eating. As Meredith stabbed at her salad, she would look up and stare at the man, bringing her fork up to put the food in her mouth.

" _Just tell me, Meredith. Maybe I can fix it"_ still played in her mind since it was said this morning. As she looked at the man from across the way, all she had for him was contempt. How could he think that? How could he think that he could just fix her? Her mind then went back further, to the dream and nightmare she had before she was woken up. Of picturing Derek, smiling at her through his mask. And then seeing him in a bed, with a life support machine. How could anyone think that they can fix what she had been through?

At that point, Meredith had laid her fork down, unknowingly, continuing to stare. A tear began to fall from her face, thinking about Derek. Maggie began talking about what she said that morning and how embarrassed she felt. But it was like Meredith couldn't hear any of it. None of the conversation that the other three were having. Soon, Alex noticed that she was staring off blankly. He called her by name but no response happened. Meredith continued to stare at Eric, who now grabbed his burger and began eating.

When Alex couldn't get Meredith's attention, he began to look in the direction of where she was staring. Seeing that it was Eric, something inside of Alex grew. Jealousy? Rage? Alex wasn't sure, but he knew that whatever this guy said or did to her, he would eventually hear about it unexpectedly. Alex called out Meredith's name again to no avail. Finally, he snapped his fingers in front of her, bringing her back to reality.

"What's up with you? Why were you looking at Paxton? Why've you been ignoring me all morning?" asked Alex.

Meredith shook her head, clearing her mind of all thoughts. She picked up her fork again and began stabbing at her salad. When she noticed that Alex was still staring, waiting for an answer, she uttered, "I'm fine, Alex. Nothing to worry about."

A perturbed look grew on Alex's face. He knew better. He knew Meredith more than just to take that response. He turned away from Meredith once more and looked down towards his food. What was he going to do? He did not really want to hear later what was going on between her and Paxton. Finally, a solution came to him. Sighing heavily, Alex stood up from the table (to Jo's notice) and began walking away from the group. Meredith had on a confused look. But when she noticed that Alex's path was leading towards the table where Eric sat, Meredith called out, "Alex, what the hell do you think you're doing?!"

Alex was too focused to hear Meredith calling out. In his mind, Alex went over what he was going to say. He knew that if he didn't say something, this would become major drama. And he already had major drama with Jo. He did not want more. Sporting a determined look, Alex drew closer to Eric's table. Seeing someone draw near, Eric held his burger in his hands, his head turned to see Alex walking. And then, Alex stopped at one of the chairs pushed into the table. He grabbed the edge of the back of the rest and stared at Eric.

"Look. I don't know you or what you're deal with Meredith is. But I do know that you have her staring at you and acting weird today, so let me tell you this. Meredith has been through a lot, and she doesn't need someone confusing her about their intentions. If you're gonna be douche and ignore her, then stay away. If you want to be with her, stay away. So, make up your mind one way or the other. Okay?" explained Alex.

Alex turned around and walked away, with Eric sporting a perplexed look upon his face, staring after Alex. When Alex returned to the table, Meredith shot daggers at him. As he looked around the table, he noticed Maggie and Amelia giving him the "Dude, what did you do that for?" look. Alex turned away from all three of them and went back to eating. Meanwhile, Meredith gazed over in the direction of Eric, who was now also staring at her. A hard look upon her face, Meredith continued to stare until someone called out her name.

"Meredith!"

She turned away from Eric to see who it was that was calling her. It was Richard, making his way over to the group with his cell phone in his hand. A huge grin spread across his face, and Meredith noticed an almost skip-like step in the way he walked. She processed all of this, finally realizing what it meant, a grin growing upon her own face.

"The liver's good?" she inquired, as Richard stopped at her seat.

"Yes. That was Miranda on the phone just a second ago. We have a liver!" said Richard excitedly.

Meredith stood up from the table quickly, with her hands grasping her tray. "I'll go tell Gary. You go get the OR ready. Wilson, let's go!" she exclaimed as she looked over to the nearest table at Jo and Stephanie.

Jo grabbed her tray and looked sideways at Stephanie. Stephanie simply mouthed in Jo's direction "Jealous". Jo shot her an annoyed look before turning around and walking towards the trash can to throw away her tray. Meredith and Richard finished their conversation, with Richard leaving to the OR and Meredith picking up her tray and shooting Alex a contemptuous look. As Meredith made her way over to the trash receptacle, Jo stood by with her hands inside her lab coat pockets.

"What's up?" she asked.

"We have a liver for Mr. Chapman. Dr. Bailey is bringing it back right now. Let's go inform the patient." said Meredith as she threw away her food and stacked the tray on the pile.

The clock on the wall near the door ticked away as the time showed that it was now past 3 o'clock. With the blinds to the window opened, light peeked on through every now and then. The sun was now making its gradual descent, clouds rolling by and covering its face. Gary sat up in the hospital bed, pillows propped up, a book within his hands and upon his lap. Jessica, Robbie's girlfriend, was curled up in a chair on the right side of the bed, skimming through a magazine. And then, on the left side of the bed, sat Robbie, his phone up to his face, fingers pecking away, a sour look upon his countenance.

As the minutes passed on by, Gary would ever so often look up to his son to see what he was doing. He still couldn't believe that Robbie would show up, here of all places. Gary wanted to say something, badly. To start a conversation with Robbie, to stop the silence. But how? Would Robbie answer? Is he, like him, wanting to patch things up and start over? It's been nearly 4 years since Robbie moved to college, only seeing him for holidays. But even then, they barely ever talked.

As all of this floated through Gary's mind, at some point he had closed his book. Gary now stared at one of the colored tiles on the floor of the room. He had something to say. It was on the tip of his tongue. But looking over at Robbie, at how he was slouched down into the chair, did he even dare say something? Sighing internally, Gary moved the book to his side and placed his hands in his lap. He looked over to his son and, with confidence, uttered, "So, how's school Robbie?"

"Fine," moaned Robbie very half-heartedly. Indeed, he did not even look up from the conversation he was having on his phone.

Gary stared at Robbie. He knew that he was going to get that answer. It was inevitable. But Gary also knew that things had to be made right. He knew that everything that had happened in the past, it all had to be dealt with. He stared back down at his hands for a moment, trying to think of another way to have this conversation.

"Robbie, I want to thank you for coming here today. I know that this is the last place you want to be, that you'd rather be out with your friends. It means a lot to me that you came. I want and I hope that we can move past everything that has happened. What do you say?" asked Gary, simultaneously glancing back up at the man sitting in the chair.

"Thank me? Seriously? You think I came here because of you. I already told you that the only reason why I came here is because Jessica forced me to! I also came here only because that's what Mom would've wanted. Other than that, I don't care whether you get the liver or not." replied Robbie, laying his phone on the armrest of the chair, now sitting on the edge of his seat.

Those words cut Gary deep. Looking away from Robbie, he closed his eyes and put his hand to his chest. Gary grunted a little, feeling some pain, but it was only for a moment. Gary opened his eyes back up and gazed around to Robbie.

"You don't mean that, son. I know that I've done some bad things to you, to my life. I know that I can't take any of it back. But, sitting here in this bed has made me realize that life is short and that at any time it can be gone. Robbie, I am sorry for what I did to you. Can you ever forgive me?" explained Gary.

"No," uttered Robbie. While Gary hung his head, Robbie took the moment to leap up from the chair. He strutted over to the hospital bed, anger riddled upon his face, hands now made into fists.

"No, I don't forgive you. I don't accept your apology. How could I ever forgive you for showing up drunk to Mom's funeral? How can I forgive you when you constantly pushed me away when I was missing her? You missed my high school graduation and went to a bar instead! How can I ever forgive you for that?!" shouted Robbie.

At this point, Jessica stood up from her seat. She walked around to where Robbie stood at the bed and gently placed her hand upon his shoulder. "Robbie, let's go—,"

"No!" he exclaimed, shrugging his shoulder to get rid of Jessica's hand. Robbie then moved as close to the edge of the bed as possible. He leaned in and as close to his father's face as he could get. Seething with anger and malice, he continued, "I will never forgive you, Dad. And honestly, I hope that you don't get the liver. I hope that you die so that I don't have to see your face ever again."

All the while that Robbie yelled, Gary felt the pain again in his chest. With his right hand, he rubbed the area that was hurting him, while he just stared at his son. He was unable to say anything. Shock had overtaken him. After a few seconds had passed, Robbie shook his head and scoffed. Turning away from his father, he grabbed Jessica's hand and said, "Come on, Jessica. Let's go."

Jessica gave a brief, sympathetic smile to Gary before putting her hand into Robbie's. Once entwined, they began to leave. However, before they could reach the door, a voice called out from inside the room.

"Robbie. Robbie!" called Gary.

"What?!" yelled Robbie, all of his anger spilling out as he turned around.

But when Robbie turned around to face his father once more, the look on his face morphed from one of anger to one of horror and fear. For indeed, the sight that he now beheld was his father clutching at his chest and then losing consciousness. _BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!_ The alarm sounded on the vitals monitor as Gary plummeted to flatline. Jessica yelled for the nurse, while Robbie simply stood, stock-still, by the door. Everything after that, to him, felt like he was in fast forward motion. Soon enough, Meredith and Jo ran into the room. Meredith began giving orders and yelling "Charge!" for the defibrillator. But the flat line remained.

* * *

Evening had now descended upon the city. The sun, in beautiful colors, made its descent to the horizon once more. Cars rushed past each other on their way home, and the siren of ambulances resounded all around them. Meanwhile, back at Grey-Sloan, everything began to slow down as well. Doctors rushed past each other, hurrying to finish their rounds and get on home. In the waiting area of the surgical floor, Celia sat facing in the direction of the nurses' station. Every now and then, she would look up to the desk, hoping that someone had come with an update about Michael. Her arms were close to her body, and she leaned forward in her chair a little.

On the other side of Celia, with his back towards her, sat Robbie. He couldn't believe what he had said to his dad. And then to have that happen? Robbie stared up at the television on the wall, wanting so much for what was on to distract him. However, it was to no avail. Robbie turned his gaze to the floor, putting his face into his hands and silently sobbing. It had now been two hours since they took Gary to the OR. According to what Robbie heard from all the yelling in the room, his dad had had a heart attack. After a few minutes of getting him revived, they then rushed him to the OR, and the nurses led him and Jessica to the waiting area. As the seconds passed into minutes, Robbie leaned back into his seat, staring straight up at the ceiling, eyes puffy from the tears.

He then heard footsteps coming his way. Robbie sat up, with hope upon his face, in the direction of the footsteps. Is he okay? Did the liver take, he thought? But the person he saw coming to him was not the doctor. It was Jessica, carrying two cups of coffee. When she had reached Robbie, she held out one of the cups and smiled slightly at him. Robbie reciprocated the smile and took the cup.

"Thanks, babe." said Robbie.

Jessica sat down next to him and grabbed his hand. "You're welcome. Any news yet?"

Robbie shook his head dismally. "No. I'm going crazy here, not knowing. After what I said to him, I feel like a complete jerk. I mean, I was angry at him for all those years, but I should've been better. Why didn't I just set aside the anger?"

Jessica sat back in her seat, leaning as close to Robbie as she could. "You're human, Robbie. We all say things that we don't mean."

"But I told my dad that I wished he'd die. What kind of person does that?" he remarked.

To this, Jessica opened her mouth but then she closed it again. She laid her back into the seat, her hand still in Robbie's. Silently, they waited and listened to all the chatter on the television, to the people around them, and the footsteps of doctors and residents passing by.

Another half-hour passed, and the coffee was gone from each of the cups. Jessica sat in the chair still, her arm now tucked under her chin upon her fist. Robbie stood over by a picture, gazing at it, trying to distract himself. Celia, on the other side of the chairs, was now skimming through a magazine. She was too distracted and preoccupied with Michael to even pay attention to the articles. When she had had enough of the magazine, she laid it back upon the table in the center of the chairs and sat back, leg crossed, one arm upon the armrest. And then, scanning the nurses' station once more, Celia then noticed Amelia rounding a corner, scrub cap still on, another doctor walking alongside of her.

As Amelia made her way over to the waiting area, Celia jumped up from her seat. Hope beamed from her face. She knew that Michael was okay. Somehow, she just knew that everything was alright. When Amelia finally made her way over, Celia couldn't hold it in much longer.

"Is he alright, Dr. Shepherd? Did you get it? The aneurysm?" she asked.

Amelia stared at Celia for a moment. She noticed the hope that was in her eyes. That hope that she, the doctor, had done everything to fix her loved one. Oh, how many times she saw that look and had to take it away, she thought. But it's that hope, she continued thinking, that gets people to this point.

Amelia continued to stare blankly, thinking about all of that. Before long, Celia's face began to fall. Worry started to creep over her features. Thoughts began running rampant inside her mind. "Dr. Shepherd? Michael is okay, right?"

Amelia shook her head from her thoughts. She stared at Celia once more, seeing the hope almost gone, and smiled gently. "Yes, Celia. Michael is going to be fine. We don't know what his speech function is yet, but he is alive." _(Surgeons fix what they know.)_

Immediately, the worry left, and the hope was replaced with happiness upon Celia's face. _(Whether it's a tumor or an aneurysm,)_ She brought her hand up to her mouth, and tears of joy began to fall. The knot that was in her stomach for the past two hours was now gone. All that was running through her mind was the phrase "He is alive".

"Would you like to see him?" asked Amelia.

Celia nodded her head vigorously. Tears continued to flow down her cheeks, and a smile spread across her face. Celia grabbed up her purse and followed Amelia away from the waiting area, ready to see her new fiancé. _(…we know how to take care of it.)_ Meanwhile, Robbie continued to stand at the portrait but this time listening in on the conversation nearby. When the girl named Celia received the good news, Robbie couldn't help but smile for her. He just hoped that he would be able to do the same.

Robbie turned away from the picture and stared down at Jessica. For three years, they had been going out, and every time he just looked at her, he knew that she was it. But for some reason, he started thinking to himself, "What would my dad say?" He smiled at Jessica, with her reciprocating. Robbie placed his hands in his pockets and stared at the floor. _"This is taking a long time"_ , he thought. Looking back up, Robbie noticed the two doctors from the room earlier coming his way. This was it. The moment. He took his hands out of his pockets and like everyone else, he had hope written on his face.

As Richard and Meredith rounded the corner, they spotted the son standing in the waiting area. When they reached the front of the nurses' station, Richard turned to Meredith.

"I've got this, Meredith." he said gently to her. _(But sometimes…)_

Meredith nodded in acknowledgment, a single tear falling down her face. Richard turned around and walked away, towards Robbie and Jessica, who also was now standing. Meredith turned to face the desk of the nurses' station. She placed her elbows upon it and stared down at the surface.

After a few seconds, she heard a resounding "No!" _(…life happens,)_ Meredith brought her head up and turned in the direction of where Richard had left. _(…and when we thought a situation could be fixed,)_ Before her eyes she saw Robbie on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, saying over and over "It's my fault, it's all my fault". _(…it pulls the rug out from under us.)_ Jessica knelt beside him and wrapped her arm his shoulder. Unable to take much more, Meredith leaned off of the nurses' station and turned away from the scene, walking down the hallway heading towards the Attendings' lounge.

April stood by the door to the apartment. She did not really want to get into it with Jackson. All day, ever since the on-call room, what Jackson said reverberated in April's mind. Why? Why now, she thought? Why have another one? April reached her hand out towards the knob, her fingers hovering over the silver handle. She knew Jackson would be home by now. He might be, she thought, cooking dinner. April opened the door very carefully so as not to make any noise. Once she had closed the door very quietly, she began to hang up her jacket and purse and place her keys on the hook.

In just her street clothes now, April quietly tip-toed away from the door and into the apartment. She was now exposed by the large open space between the kitchen counter and the hallway to the bedroom. April glanced over her shoulder to see Jackson standing at the stove, stirring something for dinner in a pot. She took a great sniff of what was cooking. Immediately, her stomach growled. Oh how she was hungry! But she knew that dinner would lead to talking, which would lead to fighting.

Even though she didn't want to, April turned her head back in front of her and kept going. As quickly as she could, she tip-toed quietly to their bedroom. " _If I could just reach the door…"_ she thought.

"April." called a voice.

She winced. Jackson had spotted her. Turning around, April noticed that Jackson was standing right behind her. Jumping a little, April took a few steps back to be able to see him.

"Hey Jackson. What's for dinner?" she asked, as innocently as she could make it.

"What's for dinner?" asked Jackson, simultaneously crossing his arms and now sporting a quizzical look on his face. "I tell you today, in bed, that I want to make another baby. You tell me no, and then you come home, tip-toe like I won't see you, and then say 'What's for dinner?' Seriously?"

April closed her eyes and sighed internally. This is what she wanted to avoid. All she wanted to do was come home, eat, and then go to bed. She did not plan on coming home, fighting, then eating, and then going to bed. April searched her mind for an answer. What could she say? She knew that she wasn't over Samuel yet, but how could Jackson be already? How could he be over their firstborn this early? April looked to the ground, trying to form words. But nothing was coming to her.

She looked back up and uttered, "Jackson, I've had a long day. I have an even longer one tomorrow, so can we just talk about this later?"

"No, April," began Jackson, shifting his feet a little but still standing tall, "I want to know why. Why don't you want another baby? Was today, in the on-call room, not great, or—or what? Why did you just say that and then left me standing there?"

April shifted her feet. She sighed and looked to the ground. How could Jackson not see it? It was so obvious to her. Looking up again, April stared into his eyes and said, voice now breaking, "Jackson, some things just can't be fixed that quickly. I don't want another baby."

And with that, April turned around and hurried to their bedroom, sniffling. Jackson looked after her and suddenly realized what it was that she meant. _(So what do you do?)_ A tear fell down his face, as his arms came down from his chest. He stood there for another minute and then turned around to go back to cooking.

Now in her street clothes, Meredith opened the glass door to the exit. She walked on through and began to climb the stairs leading to the landing with the fountain. More tired than she ever had been, she trudged her way past the stairs and toward the fountain, wanting to get home immediately. Her mind was filled with the cries of that guy's son, yelling out "It's my fault, it's all my fault!" Then, things switched to what Eric said that very morning down in the tunnels. _"Just tell me, Meredith. Maybe I can fix it."_

Meredith now understood why the son was so angry before. Why he started shouting at his father and wishing him dead. Meredith pushed up her purse even more and quickened her gait. Just as she was close to the fountain, Eric came up the stairs and noticed her in the distance.

"So, you sent your bodyguard, or whoever the hell he is, to tell me to stay away from you? Really?" Eric called out.

Meredith winced slightly. She did not want to deal with this right now. Sighing out loud, she turned to face Eric. "His name is Alex Karev, and I had nothing to do with that. He did that all on his own."

Eric put his hands into his jacket pockets, beginning to walk slowly towards her. "Well, whoever he is, I think I know you better than he does."

Meredith rolled her eyes. She gazed at Eric with an annoyed look and replied, shaking her head, "No. You don't know me. You don't know what I've been through. And there is no way I am ever retelling it to anyone. So, back off."

Eric stopped in his tracks, a surprised look on his countenance. Meredith turned back around and began walking away. Eric took his hands and let them hang at his side. "C'mon, Meredith. Just tell me. I want to know. I can fix it."

Now, it was Meredith's turn to stop dead in her tracks. She was getting really tired of him saying that. She turned back around and stared Eric in the face. "Stop! Stop saying that you think you can fix me. Stop saying that you know me. Because you don't. You think you can fix the fact that I had to unplug," her voice was now breaking, "my husband from life support? You think you can fix the fact that my hand was on his chest when he took his last breath, and I felt his heart stop? And then after, when I had to face my kids and everyone I know and say that Derek was dead? You really think you can fix all of that?!"

Meredith and Eric stared at each other, silence growing, water from the fountain flowing. As tears continued down Meredith's face, memories began to crop back up in her mind. _Her and Derek shaking hands in her house, introducing themselves. Her and Derek in the elevator, Derek in the back and Meredith uttering 'I miss you'. Derek saying to her in her kitchen 'I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you forever.'_

"Crap." said Meredith, tears now freely flowing down her cheeks. _(How do you fix the seemingly unfixable?)_

"Mer?" said a voice from behind Eric.

Wiping her tears away, Meredith saw that it was Alex. When Alex noticed that she had been crying, he walked over to her and put his arm around her. Alex then turned his gaze toward Eric and said, "Stay away from her. This is your final warning. I better not have to say it again."

Eric simply stared at Alex in defiance. But Alex didn't care. He turned Meredith around, and they began walking away. Meredith gazed up from the ground, eyes now dry. _(When you have the answer…)_ As Derek took over every thought in her mind once more, Meredith couldn't help but wonder, as Alex guided her to her car, if she would ever be able to move on from Derek's death. _(…let me know.")_

_ **Grey's Anatomy_**


End file.
